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OM seems determined to blow himself up. Give the a-hole a hand by getting that email forwarded to the right people and let them deal with him.

I trusted him around my family and he had keys and alarm codes to my house.

Please tell me you've had the doors rekeyed and the alarm codes changed?

How could I have been so blind?

I don't have any experience with law enforcement, but my understanding is you HAVE to trust the guys you work with, right? People like this? Are masters of disguise. They fool even trained mental health professionals. That's not a failing on your part.

SWAT, concerning the OM, not sure if I've overlooked it but has there been any repercussions concerning his actions? Has he been suspended from his job? Will you have to see him when you return to work? That could be very dangerous for all involved.

Is this guy really stupid or has your WW been leading him on?

SWAT, you've been through a lot...and I hate that your in this sitch again, but what the fuck is going on???

What was really said during their meet-up?

What about the "I can't" responses to the emails?

Again, were they still in contact during the time of your injuries and dday?

I don't think your WW has been fully honest with you!!!

Re your earlier post - there is a point in life when we realize we cannot control other people, and that in the end the decision about reconciliation isn't in your hands, it is in your wife's. In mine I realized if she could make changes, I would reconcile, if she didn't we wouldn't.

I took the same path as RSN, and let me tell you... releasing the outcome and knowing your lines in the sand... Probably the most freeing feeling one can experience.

WW is not gonna be happy with me when she gets here.

You mean because of you reading her text or email?

If that's it, just tell her you did it to protect her and your family. With a nutcase like this, you can not be too careful. I would hope she doesn't take that as an insult.

I've never been a stalker, so I don't know the norm for them but something seems off here. The tone of that email seems too "familiar" if that makes any sense. Don't drop your guard, you may be in for some more surprises. Maybe not going on now, but in the time between when she broke it off and when you caught them together.

SWAT,

The OM's tone in the email strikes me as far too casual and light-hearted for a man who was just arrested. The physical affair supposedly ended after you were injured, some months ago. The email does not sound like a guy who has been shut out for months on end. And it certainly does not sound like someone who is angry at the person who had him arrested.

Yes, I'd say there is a mental breakdown somewhere in the OM's mind. And people here can say that OM wants to sound like a nice guy who isnt angry so he can work his way back in with your wife. However, thats not the gut feeling I get from that email. Combined with your wife's most recent replies of "I can't," I think there is a lot more that you dont know and that she is still hiding. There is still something way off here.

Swat I think there's more to this. Sorry to say that.

I would have played the game with him and acted like I was her to get more info from him.

Something doesn't seem right.

Very sorry your going through this. Sorry all of us WW have to go through this.

I guess we all live and learn.

There's a brighter day some where in all of our futures

This guy sounds totally CRAZY. I'm not sure I believe that your wife is still leading him on like others say. To me, he sounds totally off balance, scarily so!

I agree with AppalachianGal. This guy sounds totally torqued. Like he's in some sort of abstract reality. Ripping up SWAT's yard sounds like a guy that is being denied contact, not someone who is getting contact. This latest I think is probably him trying to smooth it out with her to try and get contact back.

"Hey baby I'm sorry for how I acted. You where ignoring me again and I missed talking to you. Call me. "

Straight out of an abusers handbook. Substitute the words *hit you* for acted and how many here have heard *exactly* those words?

Personally, I doubt there has been further contact. Not my call to make though. Her actions since DD 2 seem to indicate at least a level of remorse.

Strength Brother

This latest I think is probably him trying to smooth it out with her to try and get contact back.

Exactly. First thing I thought of when I read his email was that it eerily reminded me of someone that abuses their spouse. He's trying to smooth it over as if the drunken yard destroying never happened.

5454Real-- Great minds!!! :)

[This message edited by AppalachianGal at 7:40 PM, May 19th (Monday)]

Well WW came over and I gave her the email. Told her do with it what you will and told her I had to leave. Went to the gym and lifted like a maniac. I'm gonna be sore tommorrow.

Came home and she said she called the police and is pressing charges. I'm glad for that. Didn't show much emotion to her though and told her it would be good for her to take the kids to her parents. She tried to apologize and I cut her off. I just told her I don't want any more apologies. I can't take them anymore as it seems that is all she is doing lately. She looked sad and just said that was alright and I helped her pack up the kids. They were a little confused and I told them daddy had something to do tonight and they were staying with mommy at their grandparents. Very brief conversation and five minutes later out the door.

Right or wrong I'm going out and getting drunk off my ass. I'm still pulling for her to get better but sometimes I just can't take it. I want her to get better and fix herself. I just don't know how much more of OM I can take. I think he has seriously gone of the deep end. I look at my WW and see her distress and pain. I didn't cause it she did but I want to help her. I know I can't she has to fix this not me.

I don't think she is hiding anything else. I'm not sure I can take another hit if she is. OM is trying to smooth things over and tying to get her to respond.

I'm still in the not divorcing camp. But I've got to get past this anger I'm feeling.

Personally, I doubt there has been further contact. Not my call to make though. Her actions since DD 2 seem to indicate at least a level of remorse

I totally agree with this. I don't think that SS17 did anything to instigate this.

I think the OM is a delusional and bat-shit crazy guy who lives in a *reality* that is all his own.

SWAT you don't have to *do* anything about OM. OM is going to cook his own goose. You and WW just need to watch your backs, circle the wagons, and enforce consequences for every breach that he makes. Hopefully it doesn't take him long to realize that his only 2 options are to leave you both alone or cool his jets in a jail cell.

Have fun tonight -- make sure to have a designated driver or call a cab! ( I'm a mom, sue me......)

Read the book "The Sociopath Next Door" by Dr. Martha Stout. It was recommended to me by my MC (because of people my FWH was associated with). A frightening but fascinating read.... I think that you are dealing with this with the OM. It's a game to him and you and your WW are the pawns. The title of this thread makes me shudder...OM wins. And that's what the sociopath wants. I'm so sorry. You have been dealing with this with amazing strength and compassionate understanding. Keep on with the good work, SWAT

Right or wrong I'm going out and getting drunk off my ass

BTDT. Take someone *in the know*. Someone smart enough to know if you need the shoulder to cry on or lean on cause they put that damned door in crooked. Realize that you could release a *shit ton* of emotion. Take someone prepared for that.

She did good with a shit situation.(Yep of her own making). Actions, not words.

Be safe tonight

Be careful too - OM is just as likely to be someone you run into on the way to getting drunk. If you're not in control of all your faculties, you might do something you regret.

Remember - this man intentionally lied about you, sought out ways to destroy you in a very personal way. Don't be in the same proximity as him while under any kind of mood altering influence!

Be careful tonight. There are cycles of emotions that us bs go through. It doesn't seem to end.

I've been through this cycle and still continue to go through it.

It's very painful. Give it time no matter what you decide.

[This message edited by needadvise at 8:10 PM, May 19th (Monday)]

Swat, my read on this is POSOM Is trying to hurt you the only way he can, now. He's trying to take away your honour and your career.

He's thinking that if he gets you angry enough, you'll do something that'll land you in jail and he have ruined your life like, in his warped thinking, you've ruined his.

Take whatever steps you need to prevent that outcome. Don't let him win that way.

.....POSOM Is trying to hurt you the only way he can, now. He's trying to take away your honour and your career.

He's thinking that if he gets you angry enough, you'll do something that'll land you in jail and he have ruined your life.....

Yes, yes, 1000 times YES!!! Do NOT let him bait you, I don't care what he does, don't fall for it.