SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I would definitely want out of the house. There will be to many painful memories for you. For her, it will not be the same. She has already detached from you and is looking forward to starting a new family. Being that divorce douche is a POS, he has no qualms about moving into a house that belonged to his new girl's ex.

Let her buy you out at today's inflated prices. A correction is coming. Let them get stuck with an over priced house. You rent until the coming correction and buy low. Like I said earlier, though it's dark now, I see a VERY BRIGHT future for you.

If that was me I'd spend the next month fucking with the house in small little ways that wouldn't be discovered.... ever.

Like buying these little pets

http://www.carolina.com/termites/termites-workers-living-pack-of-100/143736.pr

(I kid, I kid)

[This message edited by Sharkman at 9:58 AM, January 26th (Thursday)]

People get overalls emotionally attached to houses. In a divorce the reality is that most of the time (not always) they end up being the white elephant prize of the estate. It is best used as a negotiation tool - either you get a favorable split if assets in other areas, waiver of support obligations, or as you have implied a cash out payment.

Depending on what kind of equity you have in the house and the market in the area you live in you might have different problems. If you have a lot of equity, it can be tough for one person to buy out the other. If you have too little equity you end up not getting much out of it (at least cash wise).

While you two have been together for a long time, it sounds like you have had a comparatively short term marriage' no kids and have roughly equivalent earning power (????). So I am guessing that there will be few assets or debt that each of you does not just take with you. Basically you walk out with what you came into the marriage with.

If that is the case and you do not have some outrageous debt that can be allocated to her in exchange for the home - then your best bet may be to force the sale of the home.

I hope when this is over they get evicted

Oh, I think what very likely is going to happen will be worse. Give it 2 to 3 years into that relationship (if it even gets that far) she will come to find all relationships start to settle into a routine and her new one isn't anymore special than the marriage she used to have. Real life starts setting in and she will soon come to discover that there is a specific reason this OM was divorced to begin with and the big clue is in the very fact he has no issue getting involved with another married woman, getting in between her and her husband, destroying that marriage and basing his own relationship with her on that as the foundation. He has no respect of the concept of monogamous relationships and that will reveal itself in time because the real personality in people start to surface when they feel they can relax and no longer have to keep putting their best foot forward in the dating ritual. If he actually does move in to that "dream" home of hers it won't be long before she starts to feeling used, especially when that OM start making himself at home and dig in. Your STBXW probably will feel trapped in one shithole of a situation she dug herself into and on top of that she's going to start hating that house because of it.

But enough of hypotheticals... You want THE best revenge of all? Live well. That's it. Take care of yourself, treat yourself well, and live well. Think back on ol' ManualGTR, way back before he got hitched, what was he like then? Get with some old friends to they can help you remember that guy. What would that ManualGTR's life been like if he stayed single and ventured out to build his own life? Go find your old self and then make a better version of him for today. Add on the fact you're just 31, an experienced home owner (with rockin' credit I assume), an experienced long term relationship guy who is soon to be available to a LOT of single women....man, you are SET to have some fun. Just make sure to find yourself first and be a happier and confident person overall and you WILL end up with a MUCH better woman in your future if you want to. It will be a whole different world out there after D, but if you accept the closing of this chapter in your life, embrace the change and let go of the outcome I think you will be pleasantly surprised with how it will turn out for you.

I'm trying to think ahead, I really am. This woman has been a huge part of my life since I was 17, I cannot believe it is ending and how it's ending. I'm trying to rationalize it in my head that she is not the same person she was, I'm going to grieve that person. There is a photo of me and her graduating high school that I would like to keep, so I can always remember that sweet girl in high school, not this nasty version of her. I honesty am not going to accept that it's the same person as crazy as it sounds. I will grieve the girl who loved me as much as I loved her, this new one means about as much to me as I do to her.

That makes a lot of sense, and is probably the healthiest way to approach the jacked up situation she created. The woman you love and married is no more. Give yourself time to fully accept that on as many levels necessary to put it behind you.

Adultery changes a person. She is no longer the woman you've known and loved for so many years. That woman died when she became receptive to another man's advances. It just became more evident over time but the death happened back then.

If you would read the threads on this and similar sites, you'd see how many betrayed spouses are in complete shock at what their once loving partner is capable of. The complete coldness. The person who was once your best friend is betraying you in the worse way.

There is nothing wrong with having a few mementos but they should be put away for now. This is not the time for reminiscing. You need to just keep pushing the D forward and doing the 180 so you can detach.

[This message edited by Jsmart at 8:11 PM, January 26th (Thursday)]

i get that. same thing happened to me. not as many years as you. it hurt for a long time.

keep moving. rely on family and friends. you will come out better and with someone who fits the adult you.

don't let this destroy you. i know you are scared and ashamed. you have nothing to be afraid of nor to be ashamed of.

you best days are ahead and not behind.

There is a photo of me and her graduating high school that I would like to keep, so I can always remember that sweet girl in high school,

That sweet memory is a self induced lie. Same as mine. That girl is not who you thought she was. Now she has shown you the truth of who she is. Actions speak louder than words.

I'm happily remarried for about four years.

XWW is on divorce number two. The marriage almost lasted three months!

Living well is the best revenge.

There is a photo of me and her graduating high school that I would like to keep, so I can always remember that sweet girl in high school, not this nasty version of her.

Ok, yeah. Put it in the bottom of an empty box. Then, just for grins, promise us that as you develop new memories with family, friends, whatever, you put pictures of those memories on top of her.

Then promise us that when the recovered, healed Mgtr finds a respectful, loyal, faithful partner, you go back to the box, take it out and get rid of it.

Yup, I also grieved my old wife as if she really did pass away. I honor that previous person mostly because I have two boys that need to know who their mother was before her infidelity lobotomy. longforgotten has a great point as well in that sometimes we discover that our wayward spouse was a completely different person all along. They just knew how to hide that well. When you remove yourself further from the situation where you can start seeing the forest from the trees and reflect on that past without triggering as hard you may begin to identify some of those signs of the real spouse that you had either missed or dismissed out of blind love. This is all a process we go through in our healing. No matter what you will go through all the stages of grief. There's nothing wrong with fondly remembering the past or even keeping memento of it. It is a major chapter in your life and in your development as a man so don't ever erase your history and try to rewrite it like your STBXW is doing right now. Know that when you are fully out of infidelity you will feel new levels of personal and emotional strength you never felt or thought you had before while your STBXW will be stuck in her current mental and emotional prison of infidelity. Fear is not as big to you as it used to be once you have survived something like this.

DBL post

[This message edited by Jduff at 10:15 AM, January 27th (Friday)]

Mate sorry it's gone like this for you, this was posted a while back. For my money it sums things up quite well.

It's as if I was married to a woman, she died, and I had to face her disturbed twin on a regular basis.

I'm currently at my sisters house to get my mind out of all of this and not be there when she comes home. I don't want to have to see her getting ready to stay with the OM for a few days. She said all she wants is the house some jewelry her car and some memorabilia. Well not going to argue with that. She texted me asking if I was home and all I said was no. Then asking me if I'll be alright without her in the house for a few days. Is she for real? All I said was "yep". Stop contacting me with anything other than divorce proceedings. Also asked me how my day was going today, which I only responded "fine".

Great idea to get away. Surround yourself with those who have your back. Let them love on you.

I wouldn't respond to anything except if it has to do with something important with the house or divorce. Any small talk, "how's it going?" "are you home?" ETC should be completely ignored. She doesn't need to know if your home. You don't need to answer her question about if it's ok to leave for the weekend. It's a mind fvck question anyway.

Most of your answers to her should have been "how is that any of your business"

Nah, no need to be nasty, just will come across as weak. GTR is moving on. Continuing the aloof 180 is the way.

Then asking me if I'll be alright without her in the house for a few days

I don't recall if she is willfully aware that you know where she is going...but she an asshole either way.

She prolly expected you'd drop to your knees and play "pick me". Good on you for not taking the bait.

Do your best to ignore this kind of mind fuckery. For some reason with cheaters; their selfishness is somehow devoid of any self-awareness. You'll make yourself crazy if you try making any sense of it.

[This message edited by Sybo at 4:02 PM, January 27th (Friday)]

Yea, I find that WWs in particular are extra cruel. Once she's done with you, she goes full beotch. It's not enough to face the pain of the betrayal, you also have to endure the humiliation of her rubbing it in your face.

GTR mentioned that she knows that he knows what she had planned. That's why the question was just a mind fvck.

Just days ago, she was swearing on her mothers life that she didn't have sex with OM. Then when that was exposed she's begging for a 2nd chance, talking about being willing to do anything to win GTR back, no matter how long it takes. 2 days later she's back to telling divorce douche that she can't wait to fvck him this weekend.

Talk about being all over the place.