SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

twisted -

Please remember to follow the guidelines by posting respectfully, not namecalling, or attacking the OP. If you can't follow this request then step away from the thread.

There's no additional advice that can be given; you've heard from the best.

Either shit or get off the pot.

Staff,

My post was meant with support and motivation. I shall put away my 2x4 and go to the penalty box, with due respect for SI Staff and their difficult job moderating people like me.

but, Aaaaaaauuuugggggggh!!!

T Pain, I have read this thread from the start and I must say you have come on in leaps and bounds albeit at your own pace and in your own, sometimes infuriating, way. You have had many 2x4's and I can see the frustration in many of the posts warning you of the dangers of inactivity and desperately trying to guide you down the safest, most effective path - the path that has been forged by the broken hearts of countless BS's who have walked this painful road before you.

The wonderful thing about the advice that you are given here is that you can take what you want and ignore the rest - this is what you appear to be doing, again at your own pace. As much as we would all love for you to navigate this in the least painful way, I don't believe that you will get to a point of healing without making mistakes along the way. There is nothing wrong with that, do it your way, but please learn from those mistakes and acknowledge, quietly to yourself, that the collective wisdom here tried to warn you - this will slowly bring you to the realisation that your 'hell' is not materially different from ours.

The wonderful people who have been posting on your thread don't always get it right but they almost never get it wrong. They have the benefit of being emotionally detached from your situation and can see it unfolding like a movie they've seen thousands of times.

There are glimmers of anger in some of your more recent posts and this is a positive sign. Embrace that anger because the anger is caused by moments of clarity. You've suppressed the anger to deal with the pain but now it's time to get in touch with your anger.

- How dare she invite another man into T Pain's marriage without T Pain's consent?

- How dare she risk T Pain's happiness without consulting him first?

- How dare she accept T Pain's love and affection while stabbing him in the back?

- How dare she attempt to put the onus on T Pain to repair the damage singlehandedly caused by her?

- How dare she threaten T Pain without a thought for the pain and suffering she has caused him?

- How dare she value OM's marriage more than T Pain's marriage?

The list goes on and on. What would you do if the roles were reversed? My guess is you would be fighting to keep your wife, doing everything in your power to help her to heal and feel safe, going to the ends of the earth to earn her love and trust - why don't you expect this from her? Why don't you value yourself enough to demand her respect and no-holds-barred commitment to doing whatever it takes to win you back? That is where the dynamic is all wrong, you're trying to do what she should be doing, you're trying to win her back! Would you give a mugger $100 to give back the $100 he just stole from you?

Get angry (not stupid, just angry) and realise that you did nothing to deserve this and you cannot continue without 100% commitment from Mrs. T Pain, 100% on your terms!

I understand that cheaters lie every single time their lips move.

That said, Tpain, noticed in your very first post you stated the following:

"She would swear on our kids lives. On a bible. Whatever. I know now she was doing it to keep me from learning more. Finally I badgered her to the point of what she calls a complete confession. I believe it's 98%. The confrontation from my acknowledgement to her confession took maybe two weeks".

Is it safe to assume you and your wife are Christians? Thus why swearing on a bible?

If so, have you pointed out to your wife how freakin PATHETIC it is that she lied, not just to you, but she also LIED and brought Jesus into it that what she was spewing to you was the truth?

It's one thing lying to you, but for a Christian to lie in Jesus' name......it doesn't get ANY lower than this.

If she can LIE to Jesus why in the world would you EVER BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE EVER SAYS TO YOU ABOUT THIS WHOLE PATHETIC SITUATION???

It's one thing to want to keep your family together. Anyone with kids gets/understands this.

Can't you see that EVERYTHING about your situation is based upon lies and being afraid.

If you TRULY are a Christian, let me leave you with a scripture that YOU need to read over and OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

2nd Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind".

If you're a Christian are you living in fear about this situation?

HELL YES YOU ARE!!! You're so frozen with fear that you're a deer in a headlights. Thus why since you first posted you haven't taken any of the valuable advice given to you and have let FEAR BE WHAT CONTROLS OF EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING 24/7.

*How sad is it that in your mind this is what Jesus had in mind for you and how he wanted you to spend each day.

If you TRULY are a Christian are you tapping into the POWER that Jesus has given you to overcome EVERY trial you will face (with him and the Holy Spirit guiding you) or are you believing EVERY LIE THAT THE DEVIL (AND YOUR WIFE) WANT YOU TO BELIEVE?

Based upon what you've told us thus far it's quite clear who you are CHOOSING TO BELIEVE!!

Do you have a SOUND MIND and are you living your life in love?

True love is NOT AFRAID!!!

True love is also NOT about BS words but rather about actions and you KNOW that every action your wife does (or doesn't do) is ALL ABOUT HIDING, DECEIVEMENT, LIVING IN DARKNESS, and most importantly LYING to Jesus and you.

"Sound mind"? Good God Tpain you're about to have a nervous breakdown continuing to live this lie and let your wife's deceit and controlling ways run you into the ground where EVERYTHING you know and love (especially your kids) will drift further and further away from you and eventually you're going to get to the point that popping a cap in your head will start to sound like a really good option.

The TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE TPain.

Please wake up...,