SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

luxury,

what is your gameplan from here on out ?

I am not asking you to post this since she is here too.

However, you can PM us or just simply figure it out on your own.

It seems like things will be decided soon.

No ?

"The irony, though, is that with how WW has been going through self-reflection of late, I doubt she'll ever cheat again, either. In fact, she'll likely become a wonderful partner, which is oddly frustrating to me, if you can believe it."

That's funny. I've said that very thing to myself and friends many times now. Ex is a totally different person than she was before. Too bad she's become her best for someone else.

I've been following your thread, LJ, because my situation and feelings are so similar to yours. Several times I've wanted to post but didn't. I am now for two reasons. First,

"The irony, though, is that with how WW has been going through self-reflection of late, I doubt she'll ever cheat again, either. In fact, she'll likely become a wonderful partner, which is oddly frustrating to me, if you can believe it."

I'm here too. I think my WS is going to come out of this the man I thought he was when I married him. It is so frustrating that it took ruining my life to get to this point and if we D, then someone else will reap the benefits. I have to often check myself with this line of thinking because I have a strong need for justice and need to make sure I'm not staying with him just to ensure he doesn't live happily ever after with someone else.

Second, with regard to your birthday, mine isn't for a few months but thanks to WS never deleting a single email in his life, I have a timeline of exactly what he was doing on my last birthday. Let's just say if I never have another birthday again it will be too soon. At the same time, I don't think I deserve to not celebrate my birthday. I have no answers for what I will do and certainly have no ideas for you, unfortunately, but I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and hope that you can do something with the day that is just for you because you (and all of us in this position) deserve a special day. As for going to the movies alone, I was terrified of the idea but after DDay, I went to see a movie that I knew WS would never want to see and have since gone to the movies alone quite a bit. I really find it relaxing and enjoyable, maybe you will too? For me, it started as a way to say FU to WS and his horribly crappy movie taste (mine is much better, naturally) but has turned into a nice way to be alone but not alone, alone. In fact, I have the day off of work tomorrow and will be going to see Lady Bird alone. I can't wait.

Hi LJ

I have a suspicion that it might not yet be Wednesday for you yet but it is for me.

So, even though I know that you don't want to have any sort of celebration for it, something I fully understand, I am hoping that you will allow me just to wish you for it.

So sending Birthday wishes to you.

My wish for you is that the next time this day comes around, both you and I will be in a happier state of mind.

[This message edited by ohforanewme at 12:57 AM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

So sending Birthday wishes to you.

Hey thanks.

I decided to skip the movie, btw. Instead, I'm getting coffee with one friend and then dinner with two more after that. Understated, no gifts, no celebrations. Just meeting up with friends.

Friends are good, dinner is good, but from my experience, the magic ingredient to a life becoming gradually better is Coffee.

Seems to have been a recurring theme in so many of my more pleasant recent encounters.

There are a couple of us over in D/S for whom coffee seams to be working in a similar was.

Hope it works for you as well.

Ahh, that mind-warming elexir coffee.

My favorite beverage in an angst-ridden world.

Enjoy.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 3:06 PM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

Hey LJ

By my reckoning, you have now been with your folks for a few days already. I would imagine that they are supporting you and making this Christmas as good as it can be.

I would imagine that you are doing the sensible thing and just disengaging from all the infidelity stuff for a while, and enjoying the warmth and love around you.

Just thought that, if you do check in though, I could wish you for Christmas and then that the new year holds much renewal and considerably more joy than this past one has held for us.

Regards

Ohfor

Lux,

Hope your time with your family for Christmas is going well.

Hi LJ

Just checking in and hoping that the time you spent with your folks was pleasant and that you were able to get some IRL support.

Also, would New Year's greetings be in order?

I have a suspicion that for you and me and several other chaps here on SI, 2018 might be a better year than what 2017 has been. Am certainly hoping it will be.

Regards

Ohfor

deleted

[This message edited by EarsEyesTongue at 9:58 PM, January 8th (Monday)]

Earseyestongue, this couple specifically asked if contributers please do not read and comment about each others forums.

PM for you EarsEyesTongue

Did you ever find out if OBS went through with their divorce?

Just curious.

Did you ever find out if OBS went through with their divorce?

You know what I'm not sure what the exact status of that is. The paperwork was filed, but either way California has a 6-month 'cooling off' period, so no matter what it wouldn't be final by now.

Truthfully, I don't really talk to OBW too much anymore. Last time she mentioned AP to me was in early December. She said that he had been calling/texting her daily, begging her to take him back and "telling me things he thinks I want to hear."

Then came the really interesting part: She said that he announced he was moving to the same area in Texas where she had just moved, and concluded, "...I have mixed feelings about that. "

I responded, "Why do you say your feelings are mixed?" and she never replied. That leads me to believe she'll eventually take him back.

Hi LJ

I was glad when I saw that you had posted. Hope the time with your folks was good, and supportive.

Suppose that most of the thoughts about that have been overshadowed by the tough decision you had to make.

I am not surprised that the OBS said she had mixed feelings. I think that after the unsettling of our emotions, that this trauma, visited on us by our supposed loving, life partners, take a while to settle. I dont think that means that she will most probably take him back.

I been toying with the idea of starting a thread over in D/S. Something along the lines of, "this damn 2 to 5 year thing". As I think I might have hinted at a few times, I have a great friendship that has sort of turned into an SO type of thing. I am not sharing much about it because it is still early days, but it is better than I knew existed. Even with this, and even though because of it, I had a wonderful December holiday period, right in the middle of my most happy days, all of a sudden, I had this soul numbing sad. Where did it come from? I could recognise no triggers, but all of a sudden it was there. Would it not have happened if I had made a different decision and stayed with XWW. ABSOLUTELY NOT!

You seem to have held it together through your journey so far, better than what most of us do, or maybe you don’t share it all. Not matter, either way, I would like to caution that, even now, that you have made, and communicated your decision, there is a good chance you will still get “mixed feelings”.

So far, in all my posts to your thread, I have tried to only give support. No advice. This time I am going to venture a little advice. I would like to suggest that, now that you have made your decision, and communicated it, you actually take the action to put it into effect.

Over in D/S, there are a great group of guys (and ladies for that matter, but this anecdote is one that has been shared amongst the chaps), all with divers stories, and families, and stages of relationship, but the one common theme across all of the variations is that, once it was clear to them what their decision had to be, even in those cases where they hated the decision that was thrust upon them, once they acted on the decision, they knew it to be real. Took control back over their lives, and it was from that point, that they all recognise an increased pace and more consistent rate of healing.

You have been a great H. You honoured your WW’s request that you not make the decision on discovery. You have defended her when folk were attacking her on your thread. You stated that you would withdraw if the cross posting did not stop. You called me into line when I interpreted your MIL’s message incorrectly. You have been a pucker gentleman. I am proud to be an acquaintance.

Now is the time to again be compassionate to both of you and move both of you out of limbo, and positively moving into building your new futures. That requires the paperwork to be filled.

Now is the time to do it.

You have the 6 months required by law in any event, if you ever want to change your mind.

Hi LJ

Last night was a bit of a tough one for me.  This week holds some challenge on a personal ftont, so I need a bit of a distraction. You have been generous with your thread in that regard in the past, and am hoping that you will again be accommodating.

I need this place, so can’t risk breaking any rules. So absolutely no discussion on politics please.

I think that I might already be at some risk given that I am from South Shithole.  Some folk don't want us around.

But you and I have chatted about comedy before and that was okay. You also allowed me to ask your opinion on Trevor Noah  and his performance on the Daily show.

I know that I might have enjoyed most of his stuff more than you,  but I would love your opinion on his slot of Thursday night last week.

If you haven't seen it,  please have a look.  Might be the last chance that you get to see any of his work.

Rumour is, that he and a few others of my compatriots, like Elon Musk, Mark Shuttleworth and Charlize Theron and quite a few more, are no longer welcome where they are, because of their Shithole country of birth.

To bad. We are looking forward to welcoming them home.

So please let me know what you think of that specific show.

Would be greatly appreciated.

OhFor

Hey. To refresh my memory, I looked back to the first few pages. I got as far as your 8/7 post.

What in the name of God are you doing still living in the same house with this woman?

I also saw the ivory towers line she gave you in the other post you made.

You think there is hope here?

You are a better man than me Gunga Din.

But you and I have chatted about comedy before and that was okay. You also allowed me to ask your opinion on Trevor Noah and his performance on the Daily show.

I know that I might have enjoyed most of his stuff more than you, but I would love your opinion on his slot of Thursday night last week.

I saw the Trevor Noah clip and I'm very proud of him for showing some real sass. I think this was a good issue for him to speak up about, given his uniquely personal association with the subject.

I do like the guy and think he can host a good show. My complaint was kind of that he always seems overly stiff and way too cheerful. This time he had none of those problems (and for good reason)

Here's the clip if anyone wants to know what Ohfor is talking about:

No Politics

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:30 PM, January 14th (Sunday)]

There's a ton of support over in s/d sub thread.