SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My xh has some traits of an npd, but I don't think he is, just stupid I guess. After all these years, I will share my favorite. Little backstory, he was stationed overseas for 13 months during his affair, we had previously discussed a separation. This was about 6 months after DDay during false r...

XH: I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

Me: If you weren't in love with me, then why not let me know so I could have started dating as well?

XH: That wouldn't be fair!

Me: Are you shitting me?

That little convo helped me see that his brain is seriously not wired right, lol. I was pregnant at that time, but filed soon after the baby was born. Never regretted it.

XH: I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

Me: If you weren't in love with me, then why not let me know so I could have started dating as well?

XH: That wouldn't be fair!

Me: Are you shitting me?

This happened just today! I printed out a series of text messages where he was talking with the OW about meeting at a local hotel after he called & lied to me about where he was. I took the print outs to him and confronted him.

A couple of hours later, he sends me a text saying Celticlass, how could you think I was going to get a hotel room, I don't have any money! My response, read your print out....crackerjack hotel, room 124, bring sex toys, lube,and prepare to be fucked......guess that's not a reason to get a room! What a moron!

Me: Can you follow me to the dealership? I have to drop my car off for service.

(can't go to a car dealership w/out him wanting to look at cars we cannot afford)

Him: I will be right behind you. I say sure. (which gives me time to check in the car)

He shows up right as I am walking out, which is perfect timing, and I go to get into his car. He says "Wait, I want to go and look at SUV's" I say that I am all done and ready to go. He gets mad says fine and we leave.

Of course now we have to go back and pick up my now finished car. I tell him he just has to drop me off and I will go in and pay and be done.

Him: As he drops me off....I want to go and look at SUV's....I say you can do what you want but I am done once I pay for my car. He gets MAD....says FINE and drives way too fast out of the dealership after I get out of the car.

He wants a new car but won't do any of the work to get financials together and wants something also that we can't afford. So I don't do anything for him and he pouts and will do the P/A thing and keep talking about how he needs a new car but won't do anything about it.

Okay, I've got one...several months old, but still funny...

I was telling WH the M was over and I wanted him to move out. He stalled for several weeks, would say he was working on it and night after night goes by where he sits his ass in his recliner, ignores the kids and me, and expects sex and meals served to him in his chair. I finally lost my shit on him one night and we had a huge fight. It was going no where (one of those fights where he talks in circles and contradicts himself) so I say I'm done and get on my iPad and ignore. He continues to sit there and bitch at me and when I won't reply to him he send me an e-mail with a link to an article about how spouses diagnosing their partners with personality disorders is ruining marriages! I had told him he was a narcissist and he was pissed at me!

Ummm...the M is over because *I* am done with YOU! Have you not understood that for the past two weeks I have been asking you to get the hell out?!

within a day or so of D-day....

x was ranting about why he did it...every excuse under the sun....I don't clean, I'm a terrible cook, I don't do this etc.....he was going off for probably about 1/2 an hour, until I finally just said "I'm not buying any of this crap."

He then says "I've been telling you about why I did this for over a half an hour, and you won't even listen! You're such a narcissist!"

I swear I was dumbfounded....

I have a couple from this week alone.

I am remarried and recently got the boys dog tags from a military museum. With both the names they go by on the first line, and MY last name on the 2nd line. We travel a lot, if they were to get lost somewhere, I wanted people to be able to easily know who they were/who to get ahold of. With an uncommon last name and a child with a lisp, I was kind of proud of this. They were so excited about this, and showed their father. I figured he'd get mad and I explained I used both names, and I even had reason to. The kids left for the week with him. We get the kids back, have a couple days with them. Monday morning my H (Aussie) leaves for work, and the texts from X begin. (because, he is always VERY nice when my H is around.)

X-"You can't use Aussie's last name on things for the kids."

Me-"Yes I can, I already explained this to you."

X-"They have a father, you can't just replace me because you think you've moved on."

silence from me

X-"Don't put his last name on things for MY kids."

Me-"It's MY last name."

X-"I don't give a shit, you better never put Aussie's last name on things for them again." (Really? Never? So, you want me to remove Aussie's last name from the health insurance through HIS work, that HE pays for, unreimbursed from their father?)

X-"I called my lawyer and she said you can't do that. It is illegal to use anything but their legal names and you can't put Aussie's name on anything." (Dude, they were dog tags...I can put DS9 Trashcan BananaFace on it if I feel like it.)

Me-"Then call the police. And, since you are so concerned about legalities, I'm sure your lawyer informed you our divorce decree states that you have to tell me where you take them when you leave the state. I'm so glad to see you'll oblige without any hassle. We really need to do things the legal way."

X-"Whatever, you're a bitch. And, since we have joint custody, I expect the same from you before you take my kids."

Me "Ok, thanks, bye."

X-You got that?"

Silence

X- You have to tell me

Silence

X- Whatever Weatherly, I'm tired of your shit and i'm done arguing with you.

Funny thing...when we did the divorce settlement, he was damn sure to read the financial stuff and make sure he could claim the kids every other year on taxes. But, that is where the reading stopped apparently, because...I have sole legal and physical custody, and he doesn't even know it.

Then, a couple days later, I get "I need you to tell me your full name, birthday, where you were born, when we got married and divorced, for my passport bullshit."

Really? You're an ass to me and expect me to help you? I am not your secretary. And, I don't even get a please? That was last night, and as I write this he is calling me. Really?

We went through a period where he was running up bills through the roof and purchasing expensive items. Long and short of it - all the bills and the accounts were mostly in my name and so I entered into a debt management plan to clear up everything - trashed my credit rating for a period of time.

Many years later, we're renewing our mortgage - not getting the best rate because of the former DMP.

Him - My credit rating is perfect. You're the problem. It's all your fault

Me - Ummmm, wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been running up the bills

Him - You're always trying to control me. You never let me spend anything!

Fast forward to today - he gets to say that to his new wife and I get to sleep well at night knowing that my bank balances only change when I say so.

Soon after I filed we had this convo..

Him: I dont want you dating anyone else while you have DD (I have sole physical atm) you just are not a good judge of character..

Me: .....

Me: ..... *biting tongue hard*.. (trying to not say the obvious comeback and start world war three)..

Me: Um well, I know you will have DD around OW when she visits how can I be sure..

Him: (Interrupting) I have always been a VERY good judge of character you can trust her...fact is I will even let you interview her..

Me: ....

Me: Um, well thanks I will talk to you later then..

DD Never did visit him, so the ..erm..interview process proved unnecessary

In MC

WH: "I only had my affair because you had your affair with your computer and worked all the time"

ME: "Was that before or after you lost all of our money, put us in debt and lost your job?"

This thread should be pinned to the top.

I have another one. This happened a few months after our divorce was final. Unknown to me at the time, my XH and the OW had been married a few weeks. I found out about their marriage 2 years later. They had gotten married in another state.

We had been arguing on the phone about money he owed. He wanted to take the kids to a family reunion the OW's family was having. The kids weren't supposed to be around her at that time.

The conversation went something like this.

Me: The kids aren't supposed to be around the crazy whore.

Him: Don't talk about my girlfriend like that!

Me: Why not? It's the truth!

He: She's my girlfriend. I left you because you didn't do what I say. She does what I tell her and I can control her. (He said that lmao!)

Me: Let's see, I kicked your ass out of the house and filed for divorce. You didn't leave me dumbass.As for her, I will refer to her any way I want.

"I need you to tell me your full name, birthday, where you were born, when we got married and divorced, for my passport bullshit."

It boggles the mind that a ex-husband would need to check with his ex-wife for this information. Did he have a lobotomy along with the divorce? Sheesh, Weatherly, I don't know how you stand it!

This thread is awesome.

For months after d-day, we would have this exact conversation as I got ready to go grocery shopping in the evening, usually dressed in sweatpants and a pony tail:

WH: Where are you really going?

Me: Grocery shopping. See my list and shopping bags?

WH: Are you going to meet someone?

Me: I am not the cheater around here.

WH: Where are you really going?

Me: If I was cheating, do you really think I would go meet my boyfriend looking like this?

WH: Its a good cover

Me: You would know.

He would then proceed to text me throughout the grocery shopping trip and quizz me when I got home 45 minutes later laden with groceries. Yes, WH, I bought food for the family and then stopped off for a 15 second sex session with my imaginary AP. Idiot.

Bravenewgirl, I sell things on Ebay. I schedule pick ups instead of going to the post office. So the mailman was always picking something up. I also do most of my shopping online so sometimes the ups guy would show up.

My XH would jokingly accuse me of having sex with both of them.

Right before or after he would accuse me, he would joke about having a girlfriend.

At first I thought it was just a joke because he was like that but then he started getting serious. Wasn't quite laughing or smiling when he said it. I started noticing other things though. I started thinking he may not be joking.

I just remembered another one! After dday I felt the need to meet with WH and our clergyman so that he could be accountable for his actions. Much to my surprise he agreed to go.

Our pastor asked WH what his reasons were for us "splitting up" (WH term for divorce). WH jumped into a long drawn out explanation about how I didn't like his hobby that often involved at minimum 20 hours outside of his full time job. He never understood the idea of balance for family time as part of his life. Minimized involvement of the OW "there is another woman involved" Blah, blah, blah...

I had gone in armed with the idea that whatever he said didn't matter because he chose to have an affair and destroy our marriage. So after he is finished with his long drawn out "justified" reasons for his affair I said something along the lines that his reasons didn't matter he betrayed me and our vows of a forever marriage, that there is no excuse for cheating. He then says "see she never listens to anything I say".

I have since learned that he is most likely NPD and went so he could make sure he didn't look bad.

I've got a few.

This conversation was right before he walked out..he had no idea I was about to confront him about the phone records between him and OW ( I had over a hundred pages printed out going back several months):

Him: I just want you to know, I am never coming back. I am not happy and haven't been for a very long time.

Me: (after showing him the phone records) Funny, you never expressed any real concerns about our marriage up until a few months ago. Care to explain these?

Him: (while stammering, sweating and glaring)She's just a good friend. That's all. We confide in each other and she is having problems in her marriage, and it's none of your business what we talk about.

Me: I believe this is what's called an affair. And how is this not my business? You are my husband!

Him: Damn woman! You are such a drama queen. I am not having an affair!

I believe he was trying to brainwash me into believing him as he constantly told me he did not have an affair

like if he said it enough I would believe him. Hell, he told it to himself enough that he believed it, why not try it with me?

It was this woman he "was not having an affair with" that he paraded around town with and introduced to his family while we were still married..stayed with while the divorce was going on, and married three months after the divorce was final. I just want to know what his definition of an affair is. What a douchebag!

Other gems I heard as he was preparing to leave me for OW (I swear he must have read a book of cliches on what to tell your spouse when you are having an affair)

You are a good mother, just not a good wife

We are two good people, just not good together

In reality, I haven't been happy for at least the last few years

And my favorite..It's just bad timing!! (bad timing meaning that OW was just in the background, and that he was going to leave me all along, regardless of her presence). Whatever asshole!

This is from today:

WH: How are doing today?

Me: Not too good

WH: (sarcastically) When ARE you going to feel good?