SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

NO. I AM NOT AT FAULT STOP SAYING IT.

What have I lied about???? They never tell me about their adventures

You are lying by omission.

Not one person has told you not telling is ok. Every post has said to tell. Do you really think EVERYONE else is wrong?

Keeping this information from your son is going to hurt him. You are allowing two people to hurt him - assault him over and over again. How can your conscience allow that?

Who in the world has this poor kid's back? Not his mother, not his sister, not his best friend and not his girlfriend. Your son is going to need a lot of therapy if you don't step up and be a mom.

Worriedone72 said

NO. I AM NOT AT FAULT STOP SAYING IT.

What have I lied about???? They never tell me about their adventures.

You are at fault. A legal analogy would be 'misprision of a felony'.

You are denying your son necessary medical treatment. STDs have major health implications, and can even be life threatening. Your son needs a full panel STD check and will need follow up testing for years to come.

This is what someone else said though:

You know your son intimately. Would he want to know about your suspicions? From what you say, the answer probably is "no."

It is most ethical to act in a way that causes the least harm. If you know without a shadow of a doubt that the children are somehow at risk, then you must act. However, if you simply want to prove what a dishonest, wretched woman your son is married to or if your son's being a chump embarrasses you (or him) then no, you should not act.

It is wisest to stay out of other people's marriages. This is not ignoring unethical behaviour. it is making a determination that you don't know everything that goes on between two people and that you won't interfere unless there is very clear danger.

This is what someone else said though:

You know your son intimately. Would he want to know about your suspicions? From what you say, the answer probably is "no."

It is most ethical to act in a way that causes the least harm. If you know without a shadow of a doubt that the children are somehow at risk, then you must act. However, if you simply want to prove what a dishonest, wretched woman your son is married to or if your son's being a chump embarrasses you (or him) then no, you should not act.

It is wisest to stay out of other people's marriages. This is not ignoring unethical behaviour. it is making a determination that you don't know everything that goes on between two people and that you won't interfere unless there is very clear danger.

What did yall think of that one??

Sometimes, it's better unknown. It would hurt him horribly, and he shouldn't have to live with that because she made a dumb decision. I don't support cheating,but to spare him from that hurt.

The affair is not over. You should say: Because she keeps making dumb decisions over and over again.

What did yall think of that one??

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. I'm out!

NO. I AM NOT AT FAULT STOP SAYING IT.

What have I lied about???? They never tell me about their adventures

Son - (For the last 10 months) "So Mum what's happening with you? And news?"

WorriedOne72 - "oh same old same old."

Lies - you continue to lie to your son. That makes you as much at fault as his Girlfriend and her AP.

As for the advice that says you shouldn't tell him - it states if he is in no danger. Which I assume you are arguing that he isn't.

Yet you also argue that you haven't told him to save him pain.

Which is it? Are you protecting him from pain or are you not telling him because he is in no danger?

It doesn't seem like you have the first clue about what it means to be a mother. What is your definition of a mother?

The least harm comes from your son making INFORMED decisions about his life.

Don't you realize you are are now HELPING your son's girlfriend cheat on him?

God I hope this is just a troll...

*POSTING AS A MEMBER*

What do I think of that one? I call bullshit.

I really hope you are prepared for your son to turn on you when the truth comes out.

My heart breaks for him, it really does. Not only are his girlfriend and bf cheating on him, his mother is protecting them and allowing the betrayal to continue by not telling him. His health is at risk (you must be mad if you think she'll tell you the truth about condom use).

Seriously, I cannot fathom your thinking. You not only know that your son is being betrayed, you actively discuss it with the betrayers.

Please send your son to this site, at least he will get the support here that he obviously can't get from his own mother.

tts

OMG

If you don't want to tell him yourself, force her to do it. "Son, your gf has something to tell you, don't you gf? Tell him right now or I will."

After a lot of IC, I can tell you what all mental health professionals would say: when in doubt, choose honesty.

Honesty does not take sides.

In this world, choosing dishonesty almost always bites you in the butt. Isn't this site and its thousands of members proof of that? You will be sorry if you live dishonestly. We always are.

double post

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 4:37 AM, September 17th (Sunday)]

I truly believe that in the end people's true colors will show through.

Well, yours certainly do.

Would you like to know what the person who posted that he just found out his mother and sister knew the whole time and didn't tell him plans to say to them? Nothing. He plans to say nothing. Because he has written them off as equal to his betrayer. He has blocked them along with the girlfriend they conspired with and has no plans to continue a relationship with them. You can find his post in Just Found Out if you want to see how a son feels when he finds out his mother and sister knew and kept his girlfriend's dirty secrets.

I think the only thing worse than my husband betraying me would be to find out that a member of my family knew about it and let it continue without telling me. Of all the people you should be able to trust to tell you when someone else is betraying you, you should be able to trust your own mother. Your poor son. I feel so sad for him. And when he stops speaking to you because he can no longer trust you to have his best interests at heart, I will feel sad for you. The only difference is that you could have prevented what will happen to you. He had no choice in what happened to him.

But you keep right on telling yourself that you're saving him pain. Because he will inevitably find out and there is no pain worse than being betrayed by your mother. These things always come out eventually. I wouldn't want to be you when he finds out. If you're lucky, he'll never find this site because if he does, you won't even be able to say you weren't warned because you got plenty of warning from people who know exactly what this feels like. If you're going to stick to your guns on this one, you should start looking for rocks big enough to hide under.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 5:04 AM, September 17th (Sunday)]

You should feel ashamed of yourself for hiding this from your own flesh & blood. I cant tell if your for real or not but with mothers like you I am glad I was adopted.

Seriously family is family you look out for one another. You have each others back. Instead you have the cheating bitches back. And when this all comes out in the wash your going to have a lot of mud on you. and if I were him an ex GF, ex mom & ex sis. Seriously your priorities suck big time.

I am so hoping this is a troll situation. Your future daughter-in-law is cheating on your son. You are an accomplice. What if he marries her and has children; how will you know they are really your grandkids? What if our son contracts an STD? HIV? Herpes? Hep C? If this happens because you did not say anything, YOU are just as much at fault as your son's fiance. Your son's physical health is at risk and you are sitting there idly doing nothing to prevent it. Shame on you.

my MIL stands by the whole "didn't want to be involved" illogical deluding herself it was "none of her business."

To this day she stands by unremorseful, tried to rewrite our (her son and I) marital history with her whole discussion that she understood why he would turn to someone else, cause ya know, it's just feelings and he's entitled to feeling crazy depressed and a need to escape ...

I come to find out from Katumus his dad cheated on his mom, than mom and he did the open marriage to just work it all out as "we were't compatible"

yeah - so happy to now be able to make sure this woman has nothing to do with my precious gifts = last thing I need is someone around them who doesn't understand the importance of family and loyalty and honesty

sure you keep deluding yourself that your lie is helpful to "keep the peace" just like my MIL wanted her sunday dinners for years wouldn't let me know that she knew her son had fucked a random stranger while I was pregnant and now had another son. She couldn't understand why he didn't seem happier living a double life, ya know like she was so good at doing with all that compartmentalizing, rationalizing, etc.

They never tell me about their adventures

let you just imagine it involves her getting pregnant and not telling your son that it ain't his biological... so they get married and all and you never will really know if it is your grandchild

how about that adventure???

geesh, do you really need it spelled out about thinking what if this was happening to you? Would you want to know your own mother thought it was OK for you to have your emotional,spiritual and physical health in jeopardy?

really?

That wouldn't be devastating to you?

I feel sorry for you if you are not horrified by your inaction.

If I ever found out that my mother (or any other family member) knew that my spouse was cheating on me, exposing me to venereal diseases (some of them permanent), and had withheld that information from me.... I would NEVER see or speak to her again.

There comes a point at which blood is NOT thicker than water, and that point is when your own mother is in on the betrayal.

You should have told him the moment the truth was confirmed.