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Even if you are not married, you should consult with a lawyer. You bought that house together? So it’s her house too.

I’m not saying this because I root for her, but rather because I root for you.

If she’s ok with staying out of your house, then you could always arrange a day where you’re not home, and her , and her parents, can come pick some of her stuff.

As for her blaming you for destroying her life, the OM life... I find it depressing that it’s such a typical, common behavior. And because the Betrayed is in such emotional state and we (betrayed) are used to believe what our spouses say in everyday life, we have a tendency to believe this silliness.

A analogy for this situation would be: imagine a drunk driver hits a child on the street. The the drunk driver begs the officer not to tell the parents because they would be devastated. And when the officer go tell anyways, the drunk driver blames the officer for destroying that family.

Just this morning she actually told me she'd heard from the OM that he's been kicked out so they're still in contact.

As a courtesy to the OBS, let her know that her WH is still in contact with your WGF. Not for revenge, but because no one deserves to be lied to constantly.

Thank God you are not married, and you don't have kids. This makes the situation much less messy (I like so many stayed for financial reasons, and to keep a stable home environment for the kids).

Here in South-Africa and I believe the UK as well, Domicilium Citandi et Executandi and storage rights can be revoked by the title holder of the property.

Unlike in the US where domicilium Citandi et Executandi is entrenched and may be used as a claim to domicile.

despairingUK, must just check with legal council before acting unilaterally, but I believe that even in the US, moving posessions into a safe storage space would not result in any prosecution. I may be wrong in the latter assumption.

[This message edited by DictumVeritas at 11:02 PM, September 7th (Monday)]

That was my gut feeling about moving stuff outside the house. I will just tidy things away as much as possible.

We own the house jointly so she does have the right to be here as much as I do. In reality I think I'd be happier if she was here with her stuff which I guess may sound strange to everyone.

We have 2 options to settle the house. 1 of us buys out the others share or we sell and split the profit 50/50.

despairingUK,

My 0.02c worth. Don't linger in the property if you don't have to. I "won" the property in my first divorce settlement and it just held too many memories and hurdles.

Sell and move on if possible.

despairingUK:

In reality I think I'd be happier if she was here with her stuff which I guess may sound strange to everyone.

It is "very" strange indeed after the shit sandwich she served you, and it means that you have a problem, so work on yourself to be the best version of yourself, so you don't allow bullshit from anyone in your life ever again!

[This message edited by Kaliber at 10:57 AM, September 7th (Monday)]

Your GF is out to hurt you. When she shares with you that he makes her feel great, that they are spending time together and all that… it’s taunting you. It’s directly directed to cause you pain. It’s caused to create a reaction – preferably anger – so that she can reaffirm to herself what an @sshole you are.

You can respond with anger or hurt – thereby feeding her.

You can also respond in a manner she doesn’t expect…

Next time she talks about OM try this

“It’s great that you are happy and moving on. So am I. Your life and where it’s headed doesn’t really hold any relevance for me anymore.”

It’s like a kid that holds on to his ball and refuses to allow others to play. As long as the other kids hang around and demand the ball the kid is the center of attention. The minute the kids go play tag the kid with the ball loses all power.

All of a sudden you no longer want to play ball with her…

Btw. A total of 3 minutes with google will show that in the UK then if you deny someone with legal residence entry that person can easily get an occupation order from the courts and have you removed.

Since the house is in both your names, the point is mute. You may not get an eviction order.

Btw. A total of 3 minutes with google will show that in the UK then if you deny someone with legal residence entry that person can easily get an occupation order from the courts and have you removed.

That was never contested, but the title holder may still apply for and have an eviction order served on an occupant not on the title, thus negating the occupant's claim of domicilium. B.Proc. 1989-1992.

[This message edited by DictumVeritas at 12:36 PM, September 7th (Monday)]

[This message edited by BindassBP at 4:29 PM, September 7th (Monday)]

Is there a special reason you want to keep the house? Like, you built it yourself??

While I kept my house, I know several people, both male and female that got the house in the divorce, but it actually hurt their process of healing. Everywhere they looked there were ghosts of the relationship.

So, Unless you really want it, or she will take below 50% of its value, I suggest you have her buy you out or sell it and split the profit. Don’t let it become a source of pain for you or let it hold up the process of getting her out of your life! It is after all just walls and a roof!

Good luck and stay strong!

[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 6:25 PM, September 7th (Monday)]

I don't think she has anywhere to put it so would it be wrong to move most of it into the garage?

Yes put her stuff in the garage. Then have a locksmith re-key all the exterior locks on your house so she cannot get in to the house without your approval.

She'll say "You can't lock me out of our house!"

You say "Until the divorce judge orders otherwise, you are not coming in the house."

Yeah, but that would get you arrested in the United States.. I doubt you could pull it off in the UK, either.

Nah they can't arrest him. They would have to go get a court order.

Would she eventually be able to get access into the house? Sure. But he can make things damn difficult for her.

I don't think WGF wants the house she seems to think I am going to buy her out. I'm not worried about her collecting things and taking things that aren't hers. She's asking if I want to keep things that are actually hers. Maybe some remorse is setting in?

She has offered to move some stuff out of the house into storage too which will be helpful.

As expected OM has thrown WGF under the bus to save himself. That seems to have worked well for him. WGF seems heartbroken that he could do this to her and is now claiming she's been used.

despairingUK:

WGF seems heartbroken that he could do this to her and is now claiming she's been used.

Wisdom is a rare trait these days!

[This message edited by Kaliber at 3:13 AM, September 9th (Wednesday)]

Westway – you are offering terrible advice regarding the housing situation.

Fortunately, despairingUK isn’t following up on it.

Key issue is that the OP says they both purchased the house, so both their names are on it. If he changed the locks, he is obliged to notify her and offer a key. If he refuses her entry, she can call a locksmith and have the lock drilled out. This would not be a legal issue so the police would not become involved.

If the OP prevented the WGF from entry or prevented the locksmith from his job, then either the WGF or the locksmith could call the police. The police would definitely confirm the WGF has ownership (public info) and if the OP persisted they have grounds to detain him.

This would be registered as a domestic disturbance and the OP the initiator. If he came back from the police station and made any attempt to remove WGF she could very easily obtain a temporary occupancy order. Takes less than half a day in situations where domestic disturbance/abuse is the issue.

So Westway – your advice could have the OP on the street in a couple of days.

despairingUK

I still think a cool-off period of a week or two would be best for you and best for you both.

If the infidelity is a deal-breaker for you and you want out then use that time to prepare that.

If there is any part of you that wants to explore reconciliation, then right now she isn’t in any state to discuss that in any seriousness.

Actions like renting a storage unit IMHO are best done if you have decided to separate. Otherwise they are more akin to displaying a stance to send a warning. Sort of like primitive tribesmen waving their shields and spears. I think you can get the message across a lot more directly if you want to:

I want to separate. I want 5 days for things to calm down and then we will talk.

I don’t know what I want. I want 5 days for things to calm down and then we will talk.

And yes – she was played. But she took part in the game. She believed the fantasy and that the unicorn poop smelled of roses. She is an equal participant in the game.

[This message edited by Bigger at 8:33 AM, September 9th (Wednesday)]

WGF seems heartbroken that he could do this to her and is now claiming she's been used.

Pretty typical wayward behavior. They have to make themselves a victim, it is easier than dealing with the fact that they made terrible decisions and destroyed their relationship with the BS.

She may be remorseful, but her actions are showing you she isn't making much effort. Sounds like she is ready to move on, and so are you.

despairingUK,

I believe that this...

I don't think WGF wants the house she seems to think I am going to buy her out. I'm not worried about her collecting things and taking things that aren't hers. She's asking if I want to keep things that are actually hers. Maybe some remorse is setting in?

She has offered to move some stuff out of the house into storage too which will be helpful.

...is actually the most important recent development, because it indicates a willingness on your WGF's part to work cooperatively and amicably to start the separation process.

That is exactly what you need to be able to extricate yourself from this situation, and if that requires you to sometimes bite your tongue on some subjects, it is a price worth paying because your only focus has to be getting out of this with as little fighting and drama as possible.

The stuff about your WGF feeling used? Ridiculous, but I think everyone who cheats becomes an expert at writing narratives that suit their purposes.

Even if there are a thousand very obvious things you could say to 'enlighten' your WGF, I advise you to let her believe whatever deluded nonsense she wants to.

Do not pass comment on anything related to her victimhood, just focus on the division of the house and property as pleasantly as possible, even if at times it means pinning on a fake grin, and listening to complete rubbish with a straight face.

[This message edited by M1965 at 5:21 PM, September 9th (Wednesday)]

I wasn’t trying to be an ass by asking if you were married. I get the pain you are suffering. But given that where you left off was that she tried to kill herself and then cut you out from communication, you need not go through an expensive divorce. While there certainly will be things to unwind, you don’t need to be in contact for any reason beyond the windup. So give her what she apparently wants and remove her from your life.