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*** Speculation on my part again ***

If OBS is divorcing and packing her kids off to Texas after four days, this is definitely not POSOM's first rodeo.

And the while I am sure the Commander's WW is defending him because she wants to minimize her fault, I find it incomprehensible that she is still in deep contact with her affair partner. I mean, if she is so broken up over this - Whisky Tango Foxtrot?

Apparently, she is not so broken up over it she cannot keep away from her boy toy.

Cromer, back on page 31 LtCdrLost said that he texted his WW:

"Hey, that's great! Now you two can be together when he gets out of the Brig" (He won't go to prison over this)

Was that what you were referring to?

[This message edited by devotedman at 8:48 AM, April 17th, 2018 (Tuesday)]

You probably don't know why, but I am curious.

You said that AP is going to a Summary Courts Martial, but then said he would get no brig time. The whole point of the Summary is to go for the 30-day brig sentence. He should see brig time.

Cromer, the episode in the CO's office was related to me by the CMC via telephone. (personal cell to personal cell) My comment about no prison time was really only a throw away remark. Maybe I was thinking confinement in CC here rather than actual federal prison, I don't recall my specific thoughts when I typed that. I have no idea how this will play out, I'd love to see him confined & BCD'd out of the Navy. But I'm prepared to see an outcome which falls short of what I'd consider optimal.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 1:25 AM, April 23rd (Monday)]

Ditto what Otter said.

"She thinks she is smart enough to manage her way th[r]ough this fiasco. She didn't break, she just never had the morality and level of trust you thought she deserved. Education has nothing to do with how decent and trustworthy a person is. If it does its in a negative sense as [many] serial killers are geniuses and believe they are smarter than anyone else until they are caught. I doubt this is her first rodeo, but it is the first she didn't get away it and she appears to believe she can recover from it."

"Your wife didn't have a one night stand, she completely set up house and managed to hide any evidence of it from you. If no one had clued you in you would still be with her...Yours never gave you a hint of what she was doing, it took outside forces to let you know. That is incredibly scary and means in the future you can never know whether things are great or she is hiding something...It shows a completely different motivation from someone who thinks they are smart enough to manipulate you if they can only get you alone in a particular location. Steer clear!!"

"I know I can MAKE you want to be with me again"?

Because she has magical lady parts.

BCD out?

Not everyone is, was, military.

I apologize. Bad Conduct Discharge.

Whether he'll serve jail time or not, that little fuck is already shitting in his pants--that was the most expensive ass ever. A high price for a low life.

Cromer, the episode in the CO's office was related to me by the CMC via telephone. (personal cell to personal cell) My comment about no Brig time was really only a throw away remark. Maybe I was thinking confinement in CC here rather than actual federal prison, I don't recall my specific thinking when I typed that. I have no idea how this will play out, I'd love to see him confined & BCD'd out of the Navy. But I'm prepared to see an outcome which falls short of what I'd consider optimal.

Thanks. Just curious, normally a Convening Authority won't go through the SCM trouble without looking for brig time. Only long sentences go to into the prision system, for short ones like this is a brig somewhere.

For non-military reading this, a Summary Courtal Martial may award up to 30 days in the brig, along with pay forfeiture and rank reduction. If he refuses a SCM and gets bumped to a Special, then he'd be facing 6 months confinement, 6 months pay lost, rank reduction and a BCD (Bad Conduct Discharge), otherwise knows as a 6-6 and a kick.

The max punishment for adultery under Art 134 is 1 year confinement, 1 year forfeiture of pay and allowances, and a dishonorable discharge.

[This message edited by Cromer at 9:18 AM, April 17th (Tuesday)]

And here I thought BCD meant bastard crybaby dick.

My bad

LCDRLost:

It’s been over 3 decades since I last participated in a friend’s wetting-down party (O-7). (He also wore a Trident).

Assuming your divorce is finalized by FY19 I predict your wetting-down will signal the beginning of a fantastic new life.

Best wishes.

I think of intelligence like having a lot of horsepower/torque. You may not use it at all, you may use it to do a lot of work, and you may use it to slam into a tree. Being intelligent does not make you noble, hardworking, sane, etc. Also like a modern engine, you can know that it works (or has the capability to work) without knowing how every individual part, and these days line of code, contributes.

A loving, professional, successful, supportive husband, a very prosperous life, a little kid, risking her job, and her active pregnancy did not stop my wife from having an affair with an unattractive, unintelligent, unstable, lunatic (I mean all of those things in a purely descriptive way). It really is not about you, or me, or any of the other betrayed spouses here, and assuming our minds work at least slightly similarly, you will unfortunately not find a satisfying answer about why this happened.

Now that you have removed yourself from the bad situation, you probably want an equivalent of a debrief, where you try and gather intelligence to do a better job next time. In your case, I am not sure how much there will really be to gather. You already know what happened, and the likely reality is your spouse does not even know why, and you are not going to know anything about her thoughts that she did not know herself.

Essentially you are dealing with “I want to control this” (“it is not what it looks like”, “let me make it up to you”, “I know I can make you want to be with me”, etc), and then “I am upset I cannot control this” (“don’t do this to us”, “don’t do this to him”). You will get blamed for every problem, the contact attempts are likely to be constant, and the lawyers are expensive. Be kind to yourself. The doubts about my worth or what I could have done differently still come up, but less and less.

I do not chime in on here much, but you

Are one impressive guy. From one of your

“Little brothers” Semper Fi.

Ps: your last text to her should be informing

Her as to what maximum penalty is for POSOM.

I read this quote today and thought of all you have been through reconciling the shit show your WW has given you, your strength, resolve, detailed and impeccable planning and your strong character. Sadly, her character is no where close to yours, which is a big part of the confusion I believe, for most of us BS as we search for "how could he/she".

The person we thought we knew, with whom we chose to create a life, suddenly becomes a stranger, someone capable of causing us pain like we have never known before. There will never be an acceptable answer to the "how". Entitlement, selfishness, narcissism, compartmentalizing, FOO issues...the list goes on and none of the traits are particularly attractive, nor what we would put on our list of "must-haves" in a partner!

I commend you for removing yourself from your WW so definitively. I think many of us, even those like myself who are still around to see what R could look like, applaud your decisiveness. You are young and you have a whole life of happiness awaiting you.

The quote is from "Create the Love"

"You can meet somebody tomorrow who has better intentions for you than someone you've known forever. Time means nothing, character does".

I wish you only the best.

With LtC's proof, the bastard should beg for a SCM.

For the non-navy people here.....

"wetting down"?????

Do people throw you in the ocean or pour Gatorade on you??????

Air Force bases aren't normally located by water so this is a new term for me.

k9

You're resolute, and will gradually get to a better place with counseling.

Take a moment to pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Even ww, om and in-laws marvel at your thoroughness.

That's what's so painful for your stbxw: She lost a winner because of cheap thrills.

I am speechless about this entire situation and you, sir, are amazing. Please get that much-needed getaway and get thee into IC. Turn off the phone until you get another. NC = no new hurts.

Your STBXWW is the perfect "example" of having the proof thrown in their damn face and they STILL lie, minimize, gaslight....it's sick. Hence why you should (IMHO) change your phone number today. Or get a burner to share only with F&F of your choosing.

One of the things I'm going to check off the list today is terminating the existing family plan and going to an individual account. I'm going to keep the # I've had for several years unless stbxw chases me out of it. I sent her Father a courtesy message that her cell service is ending today.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 10:56 AM, April 17th (Tuesday)]

your last text to her should be informing

Her as to what maximum penalty is for POSOM

I have always admired & respected the ruthlessness of Marines.