SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Without a doubt - if it weren't for the kids I would have walked on DD.

We decided to R for us. Of course we think of our boys but we want to be together now and when they make their way out of the home.

We are so much more than the A.

It wasn't just for the kids. I know my children won't be happy if they have an unhappy mom. I chose to try for us.

First reconciliation had nothing to do with our son. I honestly believed my ex had made a terrible mistake and had learned from it.

After that?

Purely for my son.

Because my ex would go rounds with adultery, addiction, and abuse.

My state is EXTREMELY "father friendly". There are dads in prison for hurting their kids who still have court ordered visitation with their kids. But most never go to prison. Because wides testimony is discounted as biased, and kids either aren't allowed to testify, or are scared into not testifying, or DO testify, and after a weekend anger management seminar... Dad gets half custody.

So I stayed through 3 years of Affairs & pseudoRs, 3 years of abuse & countless affairs.

Until one night he fractured my noggin in front of our son, and I filed for divorce.

And now?

Dad has 50/50 custody.

Wheeeee.

CC :P

100% for the kids. One was a newborn at d day and it sucked giving him to wh and ow every weekend. When wh dumped ow, I wanted to r for the kids.

Even now, I question if I will be in this marriage in say 10 years when the baby is in high school or 15 when everyone's an adult. I will still be relatively young -40s- and the thought of starting over after I get them raised is appealing

I stayed for the children. Even though they had left school the incidence of broken relationships amongst the children of people who have experienced infidelity in their relationship rises by 50%. On my instruction the affair was only known to my wife, her AP and myself. While I suspect that the AP's wife and my children may have had an inkling that something was wrong, in hindsight in the case of my children they see that period as a time that their mom was just being 'otherwise'. I didnt want my children damaged through her selfish actions.

We are now reconciled. I am here because I choose to be here not because I am in any way obligated to be here. That having been said, I wish that I had learned the weaknesses that are common in many if not most people and which frequently end up in infidelity some other way. Our relationship is now based on reality which doesnt have the same magic as one that has not been tarnished by infidelity!

I would of divorced him had I not had kids.

I would of divorced him had I not had kids.

I would of divorced him had I not had kids.

This question has been on my mind a lot. Thanks for posting.

My children are one of the reasons I am trying to R with WH. I told WH if we did not have kids I would have left. We did separate for a while and it was very hard on the kids - an eye opening event that made us realize it was not just us effected. WH understands this and he says his is working on himself. My kids are almost out of high school. I am giving us those years to see if he we can improve our marriage. I think it takes a few years to see if R is possible. Overall our marriage is not abusive. I just needed to believe in myself.

Not knowing any better, my kids were the only reason I initially chose recovery, and to make it confusing, there were times in my marriage where I wished I caught my wife cheating so that I could end my marriage. I was a basket case, and was merely lucky I chose recovery.

[This message edited by still-living at 8:56 PM, February 27th (Wednesday)]

I stayed for the children. I didn't want her mistake to change their lives forever. I knew that she would get custody (given in my state) and wasn't sure that she could tend to their needs in the mental state that she was in.

We had a fulfilling, loving, fun and peaceful marriage for 12 years. We were a great team in many ways, and our sex life was creative and hot.

WH told his AP that we were only together for the kids. And from my perspective, by having an affair he made that come true.

Maybe some day I'll feel differently about our marriage.

To be honest....I would have left the night I found out. Does that mean I would not have caved had he pursued me...no. Does that mean I love him any less....no. But breaking four hearts does not seem worth leaving over one affair.

I would have divorced if it wasn't for the kids. Hard to reallu think about though. Can't really imagine what path we would be on without our kids. I never would have been a SAHM, I would have been able to be on my own and not so scared. I *think* I would have divorced him. Hard to say I guess unless I was actually in the situation.

I am still in R for more reasons than the kids. But I started for them.

BS here - the kids are not technically my WS's but he has been a better dad to them than their biological dad. If he wasn't so close to them - a D would have been much higher in my mind. When I think of the consequences of a D, they revolve more around the kids it seems. Sucks to admit that ;(

The last entry from sodamnsorry was me. , I didn't realize he was signed in when I posted. Sorry for the confusion.

Not sure if I will stay and there are kids involved. Have to wait and see. What I do will be all about me.

I'm staying for the kids as well. Well they were the deciding factor anyway. If we had not had children, I would've put all of his crap outside and changed the locks. But since we have them, and they my primary concern, I chose to stick it out and try to R. They are so little. Now if it doesn't work out - depends on my wh and his actions- then I will file for the D. But I'm trying to give him a chance.