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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:37 AM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
Squid, I've assumed the fetal position and wailed until my whole skeleton hurt. When done I was totally exhausted. There's nothing to be ashamed of at all. It's an outlet that releases energy that would do you harm if contained and controlled. I haven't cried like that for a couple of years now, I think, so it does pass.
ETA: Your "huh?" The solo99999 was a solicitation post that's not allowed on SI. I reported it and others must have, as well.
[This message edited by steadychevy at 7:39 PM, July 1st (Saturday)]
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
squid (original poster member #57624) posted at 2:57 AM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
Good to know!! Act normal, everyone.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
Mindjob ( member #54650) posted at 3:12 AM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
Haha! And what the hell on wheels is normal anymore, Squid? 
I don't get enough credit for *not* being a murderous psychopath.
Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 3:19 AM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
Define normal? Lol
As far as crying. .. I counted once. The last time I had cried before dday was 4 years when my dog died and that was a 10 min deal.
I think I cried more after dday than my whole life combined. I was not equipped.
My job deals with red tape and processes and procedures all day long. Advice and guidance. Every emotion is unprofessional. Fatherhood was a pillar of advice and projected strength and calm and support. Husband was the same. Friends were the same but add in fun drinking games.
Even military experience was insufficient to prepare me for the emotional damage this shit entails. And I spent 6 months learning how to walk again once the military was done with me.
Woefully unprepared. No shame in crying over this ever.
BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer
squid (original poster member #57624) posted at 3:52 AM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
That's an entirely different thread. But feel free!
My normal?
Staring blankly into space for moments on end.
Waking up every morning at 4:15am.
Can't watch any TV/movie scene that even hints at a romantic theme
Feeling totally alone in every scenario
Unending sense of doom especially when I look into my kids' eyes
Sense of hopelessness for the future
Those are the most basic, I suppose. Anybody else?
ETA: Oh yeah. Crying unexpectedly and uncontrollably.
[This message edited by squid at 9:52 PM, July 1st, 2017 (Saturday)]
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
BJE49 ( member #53622) posted at 9:34 AM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
squid
It's been a one-sided marriage for many years. Clapping with one hand.
Yep! it's f*****g impossible my friend impossible, but yet we still we try, if only the WS would supply the other hand to make it possible.
Regards BJE49
[This message edited by BJE49 at 3:34 AM, July 2nd (Sunday)]
squid (original poster member #57624) posted at 9:36 AM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
It's 4:30am here. My son is about to go on a mission trip to Honduras. I'm waiting in the parking lot of his school to see him off. His classmates and parents are all here, laughing, chatting. Meanwhile, there's a goddam storm in my head.
I feel so alone.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
Wool94 ( member #53300) posted at 12:40 PM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
Awkward bro hugs dude. (((Squid))). Never dreamed that would be our lives now.
D-Day #1: April 7, 2016
D-Day #2: May 21, 2016
D-Day #3: June 7, 2016
Me: 1975
Her:WW (amn8r) 1981
Son 2006
Daughter 2009
"God not only loves you, but He actually likes you. "-Stephen Hooks
"My faith is mine now."
sopainfulstill ( member #50635) posted at 7:24 PM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
Squid - just getting caught up on posts.
I know it sucks but really - you got this.
You really will do better emotionally if you stay NC with her. Trust me and trust us. I KNOW how hard it is - I never was successful at it. But NC will help you. Her words will only continue to hurt you and make you crazy. NC!!!!
Take care of yourself.
Did you end up filing this week?
TT DDays, the last big one April 2015
Married 21 years.
Learned after this EA/PA in MC, this was not his first.
We both are working hard at R.
smokenfire ( member #5217) posted at 9:51 PM on Sunday, July 2nd, 2017
It's a little hard to be supportive emotionally when someone is sucking the life out of you. Did you know that puppies and kittens can DIE if they get fleas?
She is a parasite, sucking everything you are out of you all while merrily gas lighting.
Look into narcissistic abuse syndrome and trauma bonding.
Don't food shop when hungry, or date when you're lonely
How others treat you IS a reflection of your SELF worth, but not your actual WORTH.
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