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Just think in simple maner..If you stole your bicikl's from another person because you think that that person don't ride that bike. And after some time that bike is stolen from you. And you now go to police because you don't have bike any more. The police will do nothing. Because you are the tiefe in the first place. For year from now you will see the big picture of all this shit. His EX is in the same boat like you now. Be compassion, be kind to your self and to his Ex..

Think about how you feel right now how hurt and the pain you are going through that’s is exactly what he choose to do to his ex wife

You call the ex wife bitter Scorned but I’m pretty sure you now feel the same as she did and I’m sure she was just as shocked as you

Mine left me for her when I was heavily pregnant and she did the whole we were just friends yet in a year he’s marroed her and they are having a baby any day meaning that she got pregnant when my baby was 6 months old and that in my eye is disgusting he married her 6 months after leaving

I’m pretty sure he has made out our relationship was over years ago yet he had only proposed to me the year before and I was pregnant not possible to do that without him being willing

He even slept with me the day he left for her so I had no clue how unhappy he was

I was put through hell like you are now but don’t forget that exactly how his ex wife felt to so a little sympathy would t go a miss

I pray that the OW and him get this kind of Karma and I’m sorry if that’s harsh but she choose to hurt my children and was fully aware I was pregnant

Just concentrate on your precious little one it’s what pulled me through it and yes I’m still heartbroken but I hope one day karma takes them out

Gosh Kelz......

Welcome (!) to SI

You've dived in with a tough crowd here.

I am just about as betrayed as a betrayed spouse can be.

So I will just say.....

I'm sorry that you found yourself here.

I'm also ashamed of some of the spiteful responses you have received from other betrayed people here on SI - I would normally add to my welcome that you've washed up into the best place that you'd never want to be.

Unfortunately..... this doesn't seem to be the case for you - and for that I AM truly sorry.

Despite the empathy and compassion and understanding and support and advice that is evident all over the various forums on this Site..... you have mostly received responses full of self-satisfied glee at your downfall.... and that just makes me feel an element of despair.

I for one, offer you this:

Take a good read around the Healing Library (yellow box to the left hand side of the home page)

Get some legal advice as soon as possible.

(Do you have co-mingled finances? do you co-own a home? both on the lease of a property? Do you have shared debt?)

Ask about when to file for child support ( WS may require you to go through DNA testing)

Also - list out what it is that you have "loaned" your WS in relation to legal fees / costs in his custody battle with his first wife. Ask for this (at least) to be returned to you.

Seek out an individual counselor for YOU.

You are going to need real help and guidance in getting you through this.

You need to be strong for your child and your soon to be born baby.

Make an appointment with your Doctor.

You are no doubt struggling with sleep, anxiety, sadness - many of us have needed temporary medication to help us through this "just found out / abandonment" stage.

And gently - there was bound to be some overlap in his sexual contact, so please seek out STD testing - the full monty.

STDs are potentially so very dangerous for your unborn baby.

You need to keep yourself healthy in mind and body right now.

So - force yourself to eat as healthily as possible.

If you can't manage regular meals - please make yourself some nutritious snacks / nuts / fruit to nibble, or even consider protein shakes.

Remember to drink water - no doubt there have been many, many tears.

It's easy to not realise that you are dehydrated.

Finally take care of YOU first (think oxygen masks on an aeroplane). You will need to be focused on YOU and YOUR children in the upcoming months.

For some ((((Kelz)))) - it seems as though you are the "wrong sort" of Betrayed here,

I'm simply astonished at the lack of compassion in some of the reply posts you have received.

You are still VERY young.

You obviously behaved poorly in the past.

Time to step up to the plat now for your little ones.

Sending you hugs and strength, and sincere wishes that you haven't been driven away by some negativity towards you displayed here.

MOB xxxx

I agree, this does look like karma coming to hit you harder than you two hit his exW. The only thing you can do now is try to focus on your pregnancy and start making plans on how to get things in order since you’re back to being a single mom. You’ll get through this eventually. Just remember this experience in the future, work on yourself, and make better choices when it comes to the type of man you want to date/marry.

Just think in simple maner..If you stole your bicikl's from another person because you think that that person don't ride that bike. And after some time that bike is stolen from you. And you now go to police because you don't have bike any more. The police will do nothing. Because you are the tiefe in the first place. For year from now you will see the big picture of all this shit. His EX is in the same boat like you now. Be compassion, be kind to your self and to his Ex..

^^I get this. It sums up well what has been said here.^^

Kelsz, your story is common. You're not some alien with whom nobody at all can relate because there are so many OW who did get betrayed after they got the cheater at the end of their mission. (Which is why wayward forum would be a hidden treasure in a sense - even if you just read through it.) There are principles of life that are available here for you to take from your experience with SI. There are times when posters IMO are unfairly bashed. I can see you've experienced some serious overkill here. But let what you've experienced build more mature character for you. It will take some matured character that will help you going forward to grasp what you did not see up to one of the last comments you made on this thread.

Again, I know what my aunt went through and saw her transformation with my own eyes into a new woman who had overcome the very entitled mindset that once made her think she had a right to somebody else's husband as long as the reason was valid enough. I wish I could tell you about it and how thinking about her brings me to tears. (I love her dearly dearly and remember that married man with his audacity coming to our extended family events.)

I don't see you as a monster at all, and I don't think many posters here see you as that either. Candid comments don't equal disdain. What they equal is urgency to address a mindset that can go right back down a similar path by either taking another married man in the future or enabling somebody in your life to do so if the puzzle piece of justification fits perfectly enough within a twisted outlook. If the reasoning makes enough sense, you can possibly re-visit the very act of adultery again in a different form. That's not judging. That's begging you to do unto others as you'd have them do to you.

At this time in your life when you have opportunity to grow from the pain of betrayal, take the time also to snap out of a dimly-lit reality. The facts and truth about your past actions are far harsher than any comment can be. Outside summarizations of what you did (from a true betrayed's perspective) might be what makes this thread so intense - more than many unfair comments (which I do not condone). Your overall outlook still partially embraces what you did in the form of excuses and boasting about how you as second wife delivered what first failed to do in a nutshell. And how the in-laws never received her. (That was all THEIR problem and the EX-WIFE's problem that didn't have to be YOUR business.) Allow yourself to break out of that self-serving and self-excusing thinking.

The benefit here (for all of us actually in our own unique situations) is that you are not face-to-face with your critiques and none of us know who you really are. (That's part of what makes this a safe place even through harsh posts.)

My earnest hope is that you do receive and develop clear direction for yourself as a result of much new awareness. You had stated in so many words that you already realize how messing with a married man was wrong. Good. But posters are trying to also let you know that your reasoning and justification of what happened from affair to second marriage actually define you as being no better than the woman (probably women) your husband has been cheating on you with. Why? Again, there is no reason whatsoever that is justifiable for messing with somebody else's husband and furthermore, thinking it's okay that he leaves his first wife for another woman - for any reason at all. Had he been grossly unattractive with an abundance of unattractive ways (spitting while talking, odorous, etc) about himself, would you have fallen for him - even graciously being a friend to him? No. You would have happily let that woman have her husband.

The same Author who said "Don't Judge" gave extensive lessons on why adultery is wrong for any reason. And there is no reason to see yourself as such a victim that you have right to blame the most faults on that cheating man - from reasons of his first marriage demise to what's happening now to your marriage. Your actions are not better than his. His actions are not worse than yours. At the point you come clean within yourself about what there is for you to be remorseful about and own every part of that, then you can recognize your actions as better than his and those of his current mistress(es). Don't laugh at any of this, Kelsz. What has happened to you is funny from NO angle. And every laughter you blurt out, about how somebody comments to you, is a ricochet that you are tragically not recognizing. Please don't dodge accountability. I'd tell a loved one the same thing because I do love them and realize that I would need them to tell me, too.

So much for everybody to learn in each unique situation. And as we learn, we sometimes experience fewer and less intense battles here.

[This message edited by NowGuarded at 12:08 PM, May 10th (Thursday)]

Let me add this for you:

No kind of wayward thinking is capable of understanding what many betrayed spouses are trying to point out to you. So, if you're experiencing any challenge in understanding posters' attempts to get you to empathize with first wife (regardless of ANY of her faults), to get you to examine more closely the deeper reasons for your actions, and other attempts, be willing to address the wayward thinking that is culprit to you being able to understand. Wayward thinking justifies, excuses, embraces selfish acts, and counters accountability. It's highly addressed in wayward forum. There are some former waywards in that forum who have championed against the paths they were going in and made complete u-turns. They are so worth reading, I assure you, if you want to become completely better from this.

[This message edited by NowGuarded at 11:25 AM, May 10th (Thursday)]

Well you know what the ex went through now. Learn from your mistake and from this new realization that the man you thought was your best friend wasn't after all.

There is a saying that I believe in here when they show you who they are believe them.

Actions not Words.

Take care of you and your child