SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You may wish to research the "pick me dance" to determine how well it works before you send the song.

Sending the song will not have the effect you wish for. Your girlfriend will perceive that you are extremely weak.

Also, is the drama or reason you do not inform the pregnant betrayed wife about your girlfriend having sex with her husband an adulterous relationship because you do not want your girlfriend mad at you?

This also will not work. When a spouse or significant other supports or hides the affair, they are perceived as very weak and feeble. This also results in a tremendous loss of respect.

Do you have any empathy for the OBS?

I hope when the OBS finds out about their infidelity and you supporting or hiding it she will address each of you and put a stop to all this nonsense.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 7:44 PM, December 9th (Sunday)]

5.0

1. She does not have a drivers license? If she gets in an accident and kills someone - you will lose everything. Smarten up!!! Do whatever you need to in order to protect your future income!!! Remove the license plates - tow it away. You’re trusting this woman with your financial future. Do whatever is legally within your rights to remove the car!

2. Do you know where the cousin lives? Show up and tie the dogs to a fence post in the back yard. Or drop them off at the shelter and give her notice where they are. Take him to her dad’s. Stop being her go-to guy for this shit. Even better - take them to her AP’s house. Let him explain to his wife why the ex dropped off his coworkers dogs to him.

3. The OBS...dude. There’s a woman who might lose her unborn child because her WH is dipping his penis in uncharted waters. Don’t help your ex and her bf destroy this woman. Have some compassion for her. Give her the heads up we all wish we had!!!

I see where we crossed posts. It is best that you stopped the "pick me dance."

Your girlfriend is gone. You need to work on acceptance and moving on. Cooley2here gave you some good advice.

Would you elaborate on why you are supporting or hiding the affair from the other betrayed spouse?

I know it seems like i am hiding it right now but it isn't just the right timing to do so. I need to get that car back first, because who knows what she will do and what he will do to the car if i tell the wife of his infidelity and shit hits the fan. I know he or my ex would just dig themselves a deeper whole by destroying property or even my house, but id much rather have the car back in my possession first and all of her stuff removed from my home first.

Plus with the wife due end of next month that could make her go into premature labor with all the emotional stress of finding out. I guess there is no really good time but i was reading a post in here earlier someone had mentioned on another thread to be careful with things like that because pregnant wives end up being physical abused or killed by their husbands because of like situations. They mentioned the risk is higher because they are pregnant. How true that is i am not sure but made me think, because i do not want any of that to happen. You really cannot predict the outcome of anyone or know what that person is really capable of, its a crazy world anymore. Trust me I DO WANT TO TELL, it does pain me they are getting away with it. Its one of the things that hurt the most.

The other betrayed spouse and her child are being unknowingly exposed to at risk sexual behavior and potential STDs with severe Health implications including increased risk of miscarriage and death.

She deserves the opportunity to protect herself and her child. Once she discusses this matter with her OB-GYN, she would undergo STD tests. She would then be prescribed appropriate treatment for her and the baby. She could then implement precautionary measures to prevent herself or her baby from being infected.

Her wayward husband, your former girlfriend, and you are taking this decision making ability away from her.

You nor they have this right.

This is wrong!

Prompt testing, treatment, and response is vital for her health and her baby's.

5pointoh:

None of this is easy or fair and you did not ask to be put in this position. But please read Ripped62’s last post again. He is spot on. Your last post was full of rationalizations that you know are weak. Please do the right thing and inform the OBS.

Inappropriate and removed by poster.

[This message edited by DeWittle at 8:47 PM, December 9th (Sunday)]

WTF!

Dude, tell his pregnant wife NOW! She’s in danger. Her unborn child is in danger. Stop being weak. You owe the AP and your ex nothing!

And run as far away from her as possible. You’re the doormat for her. I’ve read this whole thread and can’t believe what she’s put you through and what YOU ALLOW HER TO DO TO YOU.

Tell the OBS TODAY. NOW! The poor woman. Don’t be an accomplice to hiding this affair from her.

And get the fuck away from your ex as quickly as possible. Dump the dogs at her cousin’s place, take your car and run for the hills. And please don’t send any songs to her.

You aren’t married to her. You don’t have kids with her. It’s a no brainer. You are young. LEAVE!

Please do NOT do this!! Those dogs may be hers but they do NOT deserve to be tied to a fence post in a back yard or dropped off at a shelter where they might be put down. I know you are a better person than that. None of this is the dogs' fault. Just take care of them, be kind to them, love them, and understand that they are defenseless. Your WW is a piece of shit that doesn't even deserve dogs. Please just let them stay with you!! If you have to get rid of them for some reason, please contact a local rescue to see if they can take them in. Just don't dump them somewhere - they don't deserve that no matter how pissed you are at your WW.

2. Do you know where the cousin lives? Show up and tie the dogs to a fence post in the back yard. Or drop them off at the shelter and give her notice where they are. Take him to her dad’s. Stop being her go-to guy for this shit. Even better - take them to her AP’s house. Let him explain to his wife why the ex dropped off his coworkers dogs to him.

This is so depressingly familiar. A 26 yr old with 2 kids from 2 men with a need for sr22, no license, no insurance with a crap job, who has glommed onto an older stable guy, but now has taken up with a guy whose wife is 8 mos preggo. I know someone like this with 5 kids who has lived with at least 4 guys over the years, who has never been married. The only asset she has had is her body. Now at 50, she lives in some town in the sticks in some scmucks house. Her kids are wrecks.

My nephew is married to a woman with 5 kids with 5 different fathers. She makes him miserable.

You are well out of this insanity. Don't feel bad. You should be hanging out the flags. You are soon to be free of this vampire. You need her drama, and her poor kids drama, like you need rectal cancer.

Fans? Take them down and give them to her. Problem solved.

No point in negotiating with this sucubus

I didn’t mean he dump the dogs. I meant giving them back to her. Go to her cousins place where she lives and give them back.

I don't know if you understand how your excuses for not doing anything come across. You've basically allowed your exgf to keep the car (that is in both your names) knowing that she has no insurance, has a bad driving record?(sr22), has no licence. You know via the cop you spoke to that it's alright for you to take... The chances of her getting into an accident, or her 20 yr roommate getting into an accident or... whatever are so much higher than...your excuse below.

You think when the OM finds out you told his wife's brother he is going to trash his gf car? or your Exgf is going to trash the car (with her name on the title) when she finds out you told? You think your Exgf is crazy enough to react this way and yet you let her keep the car? Maybe I'm reading all of this wrong but I don't understand why you don't go get the car and park it somewhere safe until she gets her own insurance, a drivers licence and your name off of the title or you sell it.

The not telling the OBS because she might have a miscarriage excuse? First off, you aren't telling her, you are telling her brother. It's in his hands if he knows she is in an at risk pregnancy it will be his choice to tell or not. The chances of losing the baby because of an STD are much higher (knowing her husband is sleeping around) than a miscarriage from a normal, low risk pregnancy. STD's can easily be treated if the Dr. knows to look for them.

All of your excuses come across as someone that is still hoping their gf comes back and they don't want to do anything to jeopardize that. If your gf came back it would be because she couldn't afford it out on her own. She would still cheat, and she would still be with OM.

Everyone on this site can see that your exgf is using you and that you can get so much better. Please see an IC to understand why you think you deserve to be treated the way she treats you.

Double post.

[This message edited by Freeme at 2:18 AM, December 10th (Monday)]

You're trying not to rock the boat, I get it. I did the same thing. You're still hoping she's going to come to her senses and come back if you just hold fast and don't do anything rash. You're also blowing things out of proportion in your mind, just like me. I was scared that if I did anything rash, my STBXWW would smash my windows or she'd try and steal the car. None of it happened because she was gone and literally didn't care. Nothing will happen if you get the car back. Go today to wherever it is and take it back. It's yours and you can prove it.

Tell the OBS. She won't do anything to the car. You're trying to not rock the boat, it's normal. I did the same thing. Ultimately, the outcome is the same. Maybe if you show some strength now, she will come to her senses. Most likely not though dude.

Do what's right, have integrity. If not getting the car, not telling the OBS, and staying passive is something you feel is right for you then do it. Integrity comes from inside and you ultimately are the one that has to live with your actions. Think about it from the perspective of looking back on it a year from now. Will you be happy with how you acted? Will you be proud of yourself? Think about it and act accordingly.

Great advice Falc

It is great advice. I just wish it could go smoother and be more civil. In my text last week i asked for her to come over so we could discuss things that need to happen in a Civil adult conversation. That is when she immediately said she had 30 days and i couldn't take the car. I think i posted all of those texts.

But it seems she just cant come have that adult conversation with me and instead continue to run, hide, and ignore from what she has done.

I know this is what i have to do, i cannot be walked on anymore.

Welcome to the club dude. My wife ran, hid, and ignored what she did. She also used anger in our interactions to get a reaction out of me, just as yours is doing. You control her, she is gone. Do what you need to do so you can look back on this a year from now and be proud of yourself with how you acted. How you act is up to you.

[This message edited by Falc at 11:17 AM, December 10th (Monday)]

The merits of the relationship are not important, i.e. whether you paid the bills, etc. As sad as it sounds, your relationship has been over for a long time. She rebelled and did an incredibly selfish thing. Whether you like it not - you did not help. Being absent from the relationship is still sabotage.

Did you ask yourself what are the lessons you can take with you to the next, hopefully better relationship? You will be surprised how many men fail to learn by running away far too quickly and failing to prepare themselves for the next relationship.

This is not a suggestion to stay. This is an advice to learn first.

That was the thing i admitted i could have been better as far as showing her more attention and i was at fault for not giving it 100% each time i said id do better. Thats why its so hard for me because i still do partially blame myself for it even getting to this point.

What hurt was i was willing this time around to give it 110%, my all and she even agreed to give me one last chance,(even after i knew she cheated and she denied it) and for 2 days she was happy about it, she was telling me how appreciative she was for me doing so and hoped i didnt go back. That she loved the shit outta me. Then in just 2 days she completely changed, went cold, even though i never stopped trying to make things better and i never would have even if she did stay. I really honestly meant it. She just was having no part of it and basically told me she couldnt see a future no more and it was all my fault in the end. A complete 180. But yes i did learn a lot for the next one if and when that comes.

[This message edited by 5pointoh at 1:54 PM, December 10th (Monday)]