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This is potentially a big day. I am taking my kids out of state. PI thinks it’s likely she will rendezvous with him, unless he is traveling with his family.

Keep us posted.

Please feel the support and concern of your SI family. You are covered in care.

You are correct that she is cold hearted toward you. She is balancing her guilt by blaming you.

It is not uncommon for one like her to see you as a monster,making you deserving of the most hurtful consequences, in finances, custody, reputation, etc.

You need to protect yourself and get out a head of her scorched earth approach.

It is comming, and you must stun her with your willingness to sink her ship if she does not play ball.

Better to be prepared nowthan hurting and regretful later.

[This message edited by Decorum at 6:49 AM, December 28th (Friday)]

Hide a running recording device at home. In case the POS is invited to your house

I hope you have some type of secret nanny cam or surveillance video at home (especially in your bedroom), cheaters are notorious for bringing their APs home when the BS is out of town.

The PI is watching the house. But the house is a mess so I would be shocked if she invited him over. She never wants company of any kind when the house is a mess.

Good luck Aucky! You are an inspiration to all of us. I would never be able to hold all that information and keep my composure. Thanks for the updates.

Not much looks out of place in a messy home. Besides, lots of waywards act out a side of themselves they feel they can never be in front of their own spouses. Today (or may have always), maybe she wants to act like a lazy-assed ho for once.

Be familiar with the term cognitive dissonance. That usually describes why waywards backbite their spouses/partners and their relationships with them. Take none of what they say about you and your marriage personally. You know the truth. They tell each other lies because it helps quell that dissonance.

So just to confirm, her cheating is a definite deal breaker for you, correct? If so then you are doing well on your plan on getting yourself and your teenagers out of her infidelity.

According to my PI, they haven’t met today. She did, however, see an attorney and separated her cell phone from our family plan.

May be she sensed something in your demeanor and also the lawyer advised her to take it easy, again a guess. However place recording devices (more than one) in your home whenever you leave. Also one in her room to record phone conversations if any. Talk to her as before so that she does not sense hostility in you

Don't worry about what she's doing. Concentrate on what you need to do for yourself and your children.

Having read all of your posts and replies - keep strong, you're doing well and using SI as a valuable resource! Only wish I'd had it at the time but you live and learn - remember, 'take what you need and leave the rest'. Everyone's experiences are different but also very similar things always happen - it's like there are unwritten rules in infidelity!

You now have the upper hand even though it may not feel like it at times - you're now on the roller coaster, the wildest one of your life! Be kind to yourself, look after yourself and your children - it's so important during these difficult times!!

Your wife is making and will make more and more mistakes, keep watching and documenting but try to keep it all in perspective as it can become all encompassing and take over your life and I'm talking from experience unfortunately! The monitoring is both addictive and draining but the outcome has to be positive to 'get out of infidelity' with your head held high and being the better person - your children will see this, maybe not initially as the fall out with be dire but it will level and you can move forward with your children!!

The laws with regard to divorce are different to ours in the UK but it's paramount to gain the 'fault divorce' as it will be easier to move forward - patience is the key! Keep your powder dry, watch, wait and document everything plus keep them in a safe place, not in your home! She is no friend to your family and be aware of the issues that will no doubt come - be very careful about any domestic violence claims!

Thoughts are with you, take one step at a time!

Keep posting, knowledge is power and wisdom comes from using it appropriately!!

You hired an attorney to provide legal advice, I recommend you follow his recommendation and file for divorce based on infidelity. This will give you the best chance of getting custody. I know it is tough, but I would hold off on acknowledging her actions until she is served, just let it play out in court.

As for the emails, you need to know if you jail breaking into her accounts is a legal issue, these are probably just things you know and never discuss where you got the information. Additionally, the reason to tell the other mans wife is to help keep them honest, since you are not trying to reconcile, I would not contact her until all the legal documents have been signed. There is no need to stir up that hornets nest even more than it will be when she is served.

You ought to consider the possibility that she has consulted more extensively with legal counsel than you suspect, that she had been advised on this issue, that she expects you are having her watched by a PI, and that she is taking steps to keep her nose clean for the time being.

Has your PI found anything?

Any update from the PI?

I just tried to post an update but it didn't go through. I'll try later. But bottom line is D-Day was Jan. 1.

AA, so sorry to hear that :(

Keep strong and take care of yourself.

Dday or your confrontation day?

You had your Dday when you found her texts, lies, etc.

Either way...((hugs))

Wishing you strength and know you are not alone.

I'm so sorry. Stay strong!