This is the perspective of some men. It’s not fair but, this is how many men think-especially those who have been traumatized, or conditioned to think this way through certain life experiences:
Some women are notorious for making huge concessions when choosing a mate for marriage. For some, the hierarchy of needs are security, stability, civility, personality and way down on the list is sexual chemistry. They will compromise sexual chemistry for things higher on their pragmatic list, and then, down the road, begin to regret that decision realizing they completely underestimated the importance of sexual chemistry. Many women have settled for less sexually desirable men who are more productive, safe and secure leaving men in their past who had much more sexual traction. Leaving men in their past who were risky long term relationship prospects but...rocked their world sexually. Sometimes women will reminisce about these men, in various ways, for years. Women are resourceful savvy survivors. Many women have evolved through the ages to survive, and in any way possible, and will make whatever compromises that are necessary to secure a stable and comfortable existence and provider for the nest. Women through the ages have not had a lot of control over their quality of life and destinies and have been conditioned to make concessions on sexual needs in favor of survival needs. Men, don’t commonly make these same concessions or, don’t have to make them.
This is what many men worry about. They worry that they are providers primarily and are not fully loved, in every way, and that our mates harbor someone or some type of man they would much rather be with if it wasn’t for all the practicalities of life getting in the way. And this desire is latent, lying dormant, fomenting and growing as the novelty of marriage and all it’s trappings begins to fade.
This is a man’s worst nightmare. Biggest insecurity.
We’re constantly watching out for signs of this. And, over the years, we pick up fragments of knowledge about your past relationships, we slowly start to learn and see contrast between this relationship and her past relationships.
When we hear that you would take showers every night with your former lover but, have never stepped foot in our shower, seem annoyed when we interrupt her shower...
When we see that you have a huge lingerie collection but, have never once worn any of it with us...
When we hear that you did X, Y, and Z with other guys but, never with us...
When we see pictures of you hanging all over the other guys in your photo albums but, never show us that level of affection...
When she never initiates...
When she’s never spontaneous...
When she’s not as adventurous...
When sex seems like a chore...
It begs the question.
And then comes the dead or near dead bedroom situation. And your wife says she’s never really been sexual with ANY men. That this is just the way she is and always has been. And, because they love her, they accept this and adapt.
Then 15 years into the marriage, after you’ve totally invested yourself, your fortune, your future, your career, your soul, and children with and into this woman, she cheats and turns into a sexual Tyrannosaurus with her AP and, You. Are. F’d
There’s no reconciling from that. You’re done.
Now, I know this also happens in reverse. And, I know this isn’t inclusive of the entire gender but, this is what goes through our silly irrational heads.
Not gonna lie to ya.
