This is my first post. I've been happily married for 23 years So I though, and what I found out on Thursday, 7/30/15 was the worse day of my life.
I stumbled upon a transaction for a hotel in my husband checking account which I am also a signer, purely on accident. Then the red flags started popping up. The weekend just prior my daughter had a softball tourmament which he never misses, but this time he said he couldn't go due to work issues, but he said he would come up Sunday morning. Well, come to find out he had other plans, they are still unravaling, but of course I think it was planned.
When I confronted him by crypted text, like what were you doing in Pasadena, he made some legit excuse to be there until I said then what about the hotel room? Then silence, next he tells me he went drinking with co workers and didn't want to drive home. Well I kept pressing the issue because it just didn't feel right. Then I went into our phone account and saw all the text and phone calls to and from one number in Pasadena. My heart dropped I couldnt breathe I had to leave the office to get it together. Then I called the number, of course no one answered, but she must have panicked and told me husband, so next text I get about killed me it said "stop digging for answers I cheated on you!". This was a Thursday, I think I was in shock because I didnt cry until 2 or 3 days later. Ii went to lunch and called him to find out more he never gave me a clear "it's over with her"' and after a lot of BS, blaming me and issues in our marriage it sounded like he was blaming me and it was all justified I just couldn't handle anymore so I hungup. Still can't cry at this point. Unbelief ripped through my bode this can't be happening.
Of course he is sleeping In the den on a blowup bed that deflates quite a bit during night which made me extremely happy all the many times I heard him blowing it up cuz of course I couldn't sleep for Days after.
Then on Friday, I ask him if he is still going to contact her and he wouldn't give me a direct answer. I finanlly said "are you waiting for me to say it's over so you could be free and leave with less guilt?" We have a 13 year old child. He told me the marriage was over and if I'd like he could lie to me about contacting her, basically saying he wasn't stopping. I couldn't let him stay in my house like this so I told him to tell our daughter in front of me So he didn't spin the truth in his favor. Hardest thing ever.
I couldn't let him continue to disrespect me in my house talking to this women. It was killing me but he had to go, he agreed and even offered to give up the house so we didn't have to disrupt her schooling and he acknowledged it was all his fault. The reality is our debt was too complicated and it was going to take some time to figure thing out.
On Monday, he was leaving and cornered me and said "how can fix this with teary eyes". I was already set on him leaving me for her and I felt a whole new emotion, I screamed and yelled, after all he can't play with my emotions like that, it's over but no wait there's hope. I didn't even have time to figure out what I wanted. I slapped him and I wish I could do it again and left the room. Later checking phone records again, he called her all morning after that tiny micro second of remorse, I called him out and all he said "I'm sorry, I shouldn have said that to you" now I'm back to extreme sadness, even a little blaming myself of the way I reacted that morning.
Then he changed the password on the phone account cuz I told him he cannot talk to her in my house he must get out,
4 days of despair my marriage of 23 years is over, then micro second of hope only crushed quickly as if that was the impulse mistake he made (asking me his wife what can he do to fix it ....instead of his impulse decision to be with her that one night). I'm sorry but how fucked up is that.
Well it isn't over, now 4 days later, Friday, he has ended it with her and wants forgiveness knowing it could take a year of him sleeping in den, begging me by text (I still can't look or talk to him face to face). Told my daughter that he's trying to fix our family. I am soooo angry, can't concentrate at work, all day long I'm checking Phone records, which he gave me back the password. I asked to see the actual text he says he deleted all her contact info, I'm so mad I don't know what to do,,? Now the crying is daily, multiple times. I know it's affecting my daughter cuz although I try to hold it back it come out in some form of anger like destroying pictures of him. Am I wrong?
Our financials have really gotten us tied at the hip cuz I need his pay and he needs mine. I wonder if this is all a game because we are in debt.
Devestated and confused. Thanks for reading my story.
