SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Nekorb, a 90 day waiting period?!?? You're a strong woman!

JM and TS, congrats on getting off!

ADryHeat - let's see if I actually make it the 90 days! Lol Not totally sure G5 is going to be a candidate to help me exit the bus but it's sure looking that way.

Did you already explain where 90 days came from with the IC? Is it a magic formula?

Don't get me wrong....I think there's some value to the waiting a bit. You get to know them and build up some excitement, and you don't rush through everything that can come before sex, which can be really fun.

Her exact words "You don't even get benefits at work until you've been there 90 days.".

But really, I think she's trying to get me to achieve some balance. My first partner waited over a year for sex. Cockwomble (2nd partner) got laid on the second date - and I think all those bonding hormones helped me ignore the giant red flags waving in my face. I was so codependent idk as though it would have mattered if I saw them, but the early sex definitely affected my judgement as it relates to moving forward in the relationship or not.

But - my decision making (in the relationship with Cockwomble) also came from a place of dysfunction regarding sex...so...I think she wants me making some of those observations and decisions before sex enters the picture.

Peeking in to scope out a seat even though I haven't met the timeframe requirements to be on the bus yet...though know I will be here for a long, long, long, long...long time.... I already know I'm going to be a cranky rider.

I have actually heard the 90-day rule quite a bit and it's something Steve Harvey actually advocates for as well. The only time I've ever made it 90 days though was with a FWB two years ago.

ETA

Quote from Steve Harvey on the 90-day rule (just like nekorb's IC):

"When I worked at Ford Motor Company, they have a probation period. You have to be on the job 90 days in order for Ford Motor Company to release their benefit package to you," he explained. "Why do women, who possess the greatest benefit of them all, why you passing on your benefits to a guy who has not been on the job for 90 days and has not proven to you that he's worthy of a benefit package?"

[This message edited by lilies21 at 11:27 AM, October 26th (Wednesday)]

Quote from Steve Harvey on the 90-day rule (just like nekorb's IC):

"When I worked at Ford Motor Company, they have a probation period. You have to be on the job 90 days in order for Ford Motor Company to release their benefit package to you," he explained. "Why do women, who possess the greatest benefit of them all, why you passing on your benefits to a guy who has not been on the job for 90 days and has not proven to you that he's worthy of a benefit package?"

I don't want to be mean, but I find this entirely sexist! Why is sex a benefit that women have but men don't? Why do so many people think it's the woman's job to guard chastity and hold out on sex and the man's job to push forwards? Aren't women supposed to enjoy and crave sex too?

I don't have a waiting period per se. I just have to feel comfortable enough with the person to want to risk waking up next to them! It's been a LONG time, but I think when the time comes, I'll know it, regardless of how long I've known the person.

I can see myself having a really, *really*, REALLY difficult time waiting until January to have sex with G5 if things go in that direction. I mean, it's a good goal and all, but I think my IC's point is to know what I'm getting into before sex occurs. Hell, if G5 was WH I would have already had sex with him, and that boggles my mind...and that would also be too soon for me and I know that. It was too soon with WH too, I just wasn't emotionally healthy enough to realize it.

To what you were saying MeOh, I think if there is some sort of boundary in place like that is has to be upon the agreement of both partners to protect and respect the boundary, not just one person or the other.

Aren't women supposed to enjoy and crave sex too?

Raising hand

That's why I'm going to be a terrible bus rider.

I don't have a waiting period per se. I just have to feel comfortable enough with the person to want to risk waking up next to them! It's been a LONG time, but I think when the time comes, I'll know it, regardless of how long I've known the person.

^^^I'm with this. I can see how a timeframe can come in handy, especially if new to all this crazy crap, but I don't know that it is something I can implement. I would land somewhere in the middle between not rushing but not circling a date on the calendar.

To what you were saying MeOh, I think if there is some sort of boundary in place like that is has to be upon the agreement of both partners to protect and respect the boundary, not just one person or the other.

Agree with boundaries and agreements!

[This message edited by lilies21 at 3:43 PM, October 26th (Wednesday)]

I don't agree with a set time frame for 'waiting'. Just go with the flow, but be prepared for negative outcomes regardless.

I had a wonderful couple of jumps off the bus with a great guy who just couldn't follow through in the relationship department. He got skeered and ran away...

No regrets, but it would have been nice if it had gone further. It took a good 3 or 4 months to process it and move on.

Just be prepared for the possible mindfuck of rejection. There's no way around that one folks.

[390 days and counting...]

[This message edited by FaithFool at 5:31 PM, October 26th (Wednesday)]

Officially filled my necessary prescriptions for me to exit the bus. They require about a two week lead time, so...I've opted for the middle of November to start them.

Unless G5 has some other plan of his own, I'm pretty sure 90 days isn't happening. Sorry IC...lol

I'll take nekorbs seat. Can't let the bus get to empty!

I don't have tenure to be allowed on the bus yet but I'm sure I will be settling in for a long ride. I've got a good book, some tunes (and earphones-don't want to disturb anyone), a comfy throw. What else do I need?

What else do I need?

6 months of abstinence, baby!

As I'm currently driving the bus, I will be sure to give proper notice before I exit so as not to cause an accident.

Who is going to take over for me? Start planning people...

(hope I didn't just jinx myself...that would SUCK)

I'll be hitting those six months pretty fast. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on my own for a long while. I'll be peering in the windows until my ticket is valid...

nekorb....I'll volunteer to take over as driver. I have adequate credentials....it's been 4 years

Sigh, it's been a year and 3 months now for me.

Think I'm going on 5 years. I've lost track though...

OMG - I went on one of my undates last night with a new guy who I really liked. Things got steamy but I didn't let anything happen. Now today, all day, I'm paying the price! It's like when you're starving but you don't notice you're hungry until you smell cinnamon rolls baking and then suddenly you feel like you're going to DIE if you don't eat one!

I hate this frickin bus!!!

nekorb, I'll still take the wheel. Let me get one foot on the gas so we can swap easily when you hop off. Don't want to skip a beat.

Yummmmmm - cinnamon rolls!