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UAB, I wrote a letter similar to yours. In fact several. Two of them I gave to my XW on seperate occasions (this was before I discovered SI) and her reaction was...well...nothing. Just a stone cold expression as she handed both letters back with a "okay". Her way if saying "whatever".

I wrote a few more after those two but never let her read them. I actually never completed them because I wanted to point out the words she wrote to me when we first met. I wanted her to see her words in response to my first ever love letter I wrote to her, that I found in her memory box, to prove to her that she did love me. Except there was a problem. There were no such letters from her at all. It dawned on me that the entire 17yrs of marriage, she has not once ever written any letter to me at all, much less a heartfelt one. Just a bunch of birthday, valentine's and anniversary cards, words of other authors but hardly any from her. What I remembered were not her written words but spoken words. It's easy to go back in spoken word, but not written ones.

Now, what I also found piled under my early love letters to her were letters from her old boyfriend she dated for 7 years prior, who cheated on her, who then kept sending letters to her after she and I started dating. Those letters explained how much he would fuck her and do her in ways like she likes him to do, and to please give hom another chance, he fucked up, yada, yada, yada. Real douche bag poetry. I didn't know about those letters during the M. In contrast I was and still am a major upgrade from her old boyfriend. I didn't know then why she kept the letters but I do know now. She one of the reasons is she is a vulnerable narcissist.

Keep writing those letters though. I think the more you expunge your emotions about the situation on to print the more you begin to see the situation for what it really is and find clarity. By all means post them up on the forum if you are comfortable. We totally relate to your heart and mind as you work through this process. I'm curious though, did your WW ever wrote such things for you in the past?

I'm not sending it. I wrote and posted it to get the feeling off my chest.

*sigh of relief* Yes, oftentimes writing letters or journaling is a way to get it out of your head. It is a good release. I am glad that is what you are doing. I am so sorry. I know you are standing strong, but I do know you hurt like hell, too. This sucks! ((((UAB))))

Geez UAB, don't scare us like that.

ok good. I agree Laura

A rough day today, U&B?

Letters like yours, I've written many, they only fell on deaf ears. The intended recipient, emotionally stunted. They just -- *don't get it!*

Writing those letters, for myself, great therapy. It feels great to get it out, it's even better when you have a place like this, where you can share it, with people who do get it. People that understand the pain and sorrow. People who can truly empathize.

This was something I wrote myself shortly after discovering SI.

What depression is to me. Missing the language in which to speak one's thoughts and emotions and lacking an empathetic/understanding ear to communicate that language.

I was battling depression, caught in visious downward spiral. SI was a light, a beacon of hope, that I will survive infidelity. I will survive this and you will too, bud...even if today it doesn't feel like that. If you feel the need to share those letters, keep doing it, we understand them. Sending some strength.

Eta: My story is very similar to yours, feel free to send a PM whenever you need someone to talk too.

[This message edited by LonelyLucas at 6:45 PM, June 6th (Saturday)]

What depression is to me: Missing the language in which to speak one's thoughts and emotions and lacking an empathetic/understanding ear to communicate that language.

Lucas... That's the perfect description. I've wrestled with labeling what I'm feeling. That description fits it perfectly. Bro hugs, man.

Sorry for the scare everyone. Next time I whine, vent, what have you, I will tell you what I'm doing before I start the rant. Deal? Hahaha

I know not everyone here is religious, but I am and I read this little treasure this morning:

“Count on it: Everyone who had it in for you will end up out in the cold— real losers. Those who worked against you will end up empty-handed— nothing to show for their lives. When you go out looking for your old adversaries you won’t find them— Not a trace of your old enemies, not even a memory. That’s right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.’" - Isaiah 41:11-13. The translation is called The Message. I love it, it puts scripture in modern, plain English. Anyway...

Yup. That was my scripture of the day. How perfect is that? I read that and went... "God, thank you for your affirmation that you drive the Karma Bus. I'll leave retribution up to you. But when your bus runs her and POSOM over, feel free to back up and run over them again. Just a suggestion, Lord."

[This message edited by UnlovedAndBroked at 8:35 AM, June 7th (Sunday)]

I'm glad you posted your letter here instead of sending it. I poured my guts out in a similar letter that I did give to him, and he never even referenced it. Not a single word. And now I get to imagine him sharing it with his whore and them laughing at me and my heartbreak.

I went bowling with DS last night. I'm so glad he's suddenly opening up to me.

I spent hours taking to DS. We just sat in my car, outside the apartment he shares with his soulless whore of a mother.

Holy shit. Now I have steeled resolve. Fuck her. I'm done messing around. I'm so angry!

She's shattered him. Badly. I'm going to help get him counseling. He said he wants it and he feels the need for it. So much anger. So much hurt. He truly hates her.

He let it all out. He can't believe her betrayal. He can't believe she has the nerve to do this when this time of year was supposed to be about him, celebrating his accomplishments and his transition into adulthood. His graduation was supposed to be something he looked back on fondly. Now, it'll be a memory locked behind pain.

He hates POSOM. Said if he ever meets him, he's going to punch him in the face. My son is not an angry or violent person at all. But I could see the rage and tears pooling in his eyes. He meant every word of that threat.

He told me STBXWW accepted POSOM's offer to move in with him. She's going to do it in August when the lease is up. She expects DS to move with her and has been telling him life will be just great and they'll be so happy and okay.

DS told me tonight, he accepts my offer to move with me. We're going to look at apartments together Wednesday. I'm going to float his cost of living until he can find a job over the summer. It's worth it. I'll work 3 or 4 jobs. Whatever I have to do. I'm getting him out of the hell his mother has dragged him into.

He told me he was mad at me when I left. He was indeed afraid I was abandoning him like his POS bio-dad. Then he saw I'm still showing up for him. I'm still trying. I'm still talking to him. Even when he was vicious to me and hit me with crickets. I'm not going anywhere. He said he tried to hate me, he tried to blame me like his mom told him to. But he can't. He realizes who the villain is and it's not me. He said he's sorry for the way he reacted to me. I told him all if forgiven, I understood why it was happening and from where it came.

She's hurt him so badly. I'm so much more angry at her for what she's done to him than anything she's done to me.

So. She loses everything. I lose nothing, but a pathetic, heartless, soulless, sociopathic, narcissistic cheater that never actually loved me. Only used me. And never loved DS. Only used him.

This is war. Unleash the crickets and take everything I can from her. Not a single peep, no more support in any way. Not so much as a knowing nod if I see her in Wal-Mart. Fuck her. And may God have mercy upon her void where a soul should be. Because she is truly evil, despicable, and cruel.

DS and I will be fine. We'll be better and we will be free.

I've been praying my guts out. Asking God why. "Why did you even allow me to be in this relationship? You knew how this would end!!"

I know now. I've been here for DS. I always have been. I've protected him from her games, from her anger in the past. I'm rescuing him once again. There is purpose in my pain. His well being. And that's what a soulless cheater will never understand - That love is the desire to benefit others at the cost of self. I love DS. We are not bonded by blood, we are bonded by something much stronger: choice. We choose to love one another and remain family.

And I'll be here for him until I draw breath no more.

He told me he was mad at me when I left. He was indeed afraid I was abandoning him like his POS bio-dad. Then he saw I'm still showing up for him. I'm still trying. I'm still talking to him. Even when he was vicious to me and hit me with crickets. I'm not going anywhere. He said he tried to hate me, he tried to blame me like his mom told him to. But he can't. He realizes who the villain is and it's not me. He said he's sorry for the way he reacted to me. I told him all if forgiven, I understood why it was happening and from where it came.

This brought tears to my eyes, brother. I mean it literally, not as a figure of speech.

You are a good man, and you've gotten some feedback from DS that you are doing the right things. Showing up at that ceremony uninvited, standing in the shadows just loving that boy. You are one of the champions around here U&B. Now he KNOWS he has a father who is a real man, and he knows what it is to be a real man.

Brought tears to my eyes, too, UAB. You are a good man.

I know now. I've been here for DS. I always have been. I've protected him from her games, from her anger in the past. I'm rescuing him once again. There is purpose in my pain. His well being.

DS is lucky to have you in his corner. He knows that. What a great kid he is. I am glad you have your DS, too. You both will be better than good, you will be great.

UaB,

These developments are truly awesome!

I would exercise some caution though. If you think your emotional roller coaster is bad, it's likely quite mild compared to what teens/young adults tend to go through. They often lack the experience and healthy coping mechanisms that adults have acquired. And the unscrupulous can use that to their advantage. I wouldn't be surprised if DS goes through a few more oscillations before the dust completely settles, especially when he informs WW that he's thinking of moving in with you and she redoubles her efforts to manipulate him.

All you can do is continue to be the best and most authentic person and father you can be, and it will pay dividends in the end.

I'm speechless UAB.

You've got this. You always have. I wish someone would have had my brother like this.

(Deleted)

[This message edited by JustLearning at 1:03 PM, July 31st (Friday)]

Dude, you rock. Nothing but respect for you brother.

Sending strength

I remove my hat, and bow in your general direction, U&B...total respect.

And you're so young! Well done, sir. Best to you.

Good job UAB. Good job. You will win in the end. Now proceed to freedom

UAB -- wonderful news! Your SI family is rejoicing!

I have 2 sons your age -- allow me to give you some 'Mom' hugs!

(((UAB and DS)))

I've been praying my guts out. Asking God why. "Why did you even allow me to be in this relationship? You knew how this would end!!"

I know now. I've been here for DS. I always have been. I've protected him from her games, from her anger in the past. I'm rescuing him once again. There is purpose in my pain. His well being. And that's what a soulless cheater will never understand - That love is the desire to benefit others at the cost of self. I love DS. We are not bonded by blood, we are bonded by something much stronger: choice. We choose to love one another and remain family.

And I'll be here for him until I draw breath no more.

^^^^ This brought me to tears, So proud to "know" such a great man/father.

Just keep remembering this; what you give, comes back to you tenfold. The Universe/GOD will reward you.

[This message edited by jackie89 at 2:06 PM, June 9th (Tuesday)]

You are the man UAB!

UAB UAB UAB!!!!!!!!