Newest Member: loyaltylost

Just Found Out :
Before You Say Reconcile...

Topic is Sleeping.
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lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 3:24 PM on Friday, March 1st, 2013

Weekend Bumps for Newbies

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6240106
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cdnmommy ( member #30182) posted at 7:55 PM on Saturday, March 9th, 2013

bump

Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
2 great kids
Reconciling and healing

posts: 1795   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2010
id 6250768
happy

heartbrokennlost ( member #37500) posted at 8:47 PM on Saturday, March 9th, 2013

Thank you for bumping this thread up, I was looking for it this morning.

Me-44
FWS-41
Son-18mnths
Son-18yrs
Son-22yrs
Son-18
Son-22
Son-17
Son-21

posts: 87   ·   registered: Nov. 15th, 2012   ·   location: heartbrokennlost
id 6250806
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Rella ( member #21136) posted at 10:54 PM on Sunday, March 10th, 2013

Bump

Eleven years later, I never could have imagined how much happier my life has turned out!

posts: 2208   ·   registered: Oct. 4th, 2008   ·   location: New England
id 6251923
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Luvlyla ( member #38692) posted at 7:19 PM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2013

I have some questions about the 180 -

is there a minimum length to make it impactful i think this is a forever thing?

secondly - how do you handle a slip up?

I have been trying it naturally since DDay, i genuinely couldn't take any more talking about the future plans questions, lists of how to make things better, shouting at him for not giving me the reassurances that i needed.

so i got up and started living my life. i couldnt argue any more, neither of us could. i just wanted him out of my space and didnt want to hear from him. for the first two weeks he was desperate to talk to me. i spoke when he needed was cool as a cucumber, and then one time, i cried for two hours on the phone, asking did he want to try. he hadnt thought trying was an option until that point.

then began a week of 'pretend' n/c (hes moved out)we'd talk on a tues but he was tired (genuinely he had an interview) then wed, then thurs (ten mins each) he said ill ring you tomorrow because i cant talk about this now.

shock horror - He didn't phone when he meant to and i phoned him in a rage, asking why he wasnt trying when i had opened a line of communication.

I could KICK myself!! there was no need.

so now were back to two more weeks of n/c and im dying for him to contact me which he does intuitively every time im very down. my replies have been cool "im fine hope you're well talk on 23rd" etc.

how do u handle a slip up like that?

Thirdly - how do you encourage WS to want reconciliation if youre doing a 180?

I'm concerned that he now interprets this as me wanting it to finish for good. he has said he cant even ask me to forgive him, he wouldn't forgive himself and i deserve more than him. I told him for three weeks since DDay that i dont love him anymore etc.

So i dont want him to start backing off,protecting himself, running away like his usual behaviour. i want him to bring something to the table in terms of trustworhiness and a desire to reconcile.

maybe im treating the 180 wrongly...

When he's your Romeo,
and you're not his Juliet,
it means you are Rosaline
- and you survive the play.

posts: 202   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6256194
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 11:55 PM on Wednesday, March 13th, 2013

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 6256566
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thisissogross ( member #30294) posted at 8:55 AM on Friday, March 15th, 2013



i edit frequently because i have to

posts: 366   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: southern us
id 6258583
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lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 2:54 PM on Monday, March 18th, 2013

bump

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 6261950
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 7:49 PM on Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6273696
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Jospehine85 ( member #35971) posted at 10:08 PM on Thursday, March 28th, 2013

bump

Me - BS
WH - old
Kids
Dday May 2012

posts: 1598   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2012
id 6276916
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Skan ( member #35812) posted at 6:03 PM on Saturday, March 30th, 2013

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 6278942
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kernel ( member #27035) posted at 4:06 AM on Sunday, April 7th, 2013

bbbuuummmppp

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

posts: 5379   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6288688
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 1:50 PM on Tuesday, April 9th, 2013

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 6291402
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kernel ( member #27035) posted at 1:05 AM on Sunday, April 21st, 2013

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

posts: 5379   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6305994
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AttemptStrength ( member #27947) posted at 3:44 PM on Monday, April 22nd, 2013

bump

BS me
WS him x2 A's
1 autistic DS

I'd never have spent the money on a wedding dress if I knew I was just going to a costume party.

posts: 1992   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2010   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 6307401
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 2:10 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 6309725
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kernel ( member #27035) posted at 11:28 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

bump

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

posts: 5379   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6315631
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LovingFool ( new member #39090) posted at 11:43 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

This is exactly what I was looking for and needing to answer my questions.

It is hard learning to trust and rebuild a relationship and I often have wondered lately what are some indicators that Reconciliation is true.

Thank you, thank you. I know my WS and I still have a long way to go to heal, but at least by the indicators, I know there is hope on the horizon!!

[This message edited by LovingFool at 5:47 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]

Me: BS
Him: WH
Married almost 15 years
Kids- 5
D-day - March 2013 and trickle truth for a few weeks after
Currently in R - I hope

posts: 32   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013
id 6315650
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:23 PM on Monday, April 29th, 2013

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 6316702
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 8:19 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2013

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 6330873
Topic is Sleeping.
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