*sigh. I guess I'm part of this club too.
WH and I are both in the military. There is an unwritten rule that when a military member deploys, the other members of his or her unit should take care of the spouse-left-behind. Obviously, it is usually the men that deploy and their wives that are left behind. WH has always been an outgoing, charming, helpful, needs-to-be-liked kind of guy. When other members of his unit deployed, he would offer to babysit, put up Christmas lights, mow the lawn, repair sprinklers, whatever.
When one of his good friends deployed in 2012, he did the same for his friend's wife (the AP-to-be). WH brought me with him to help out - he would work in the yard while OW (his friend's wife) and I would talk and our kids would play together. I was pretty pregnant at the time and didn't mind relaxing with her while he worked - she and I got to be incredibly close. As time passed, the three of us would go out together for dinner, drinks, etc. Being pregnant (and then later, having a newborn), I would usually go home after dinner and *very naively* insist that they stay out later. After all, I knew how hard it was to go home to all the kids with no help, and how lonely she was without her husband there. AGH. At the time, another friend of mine even suggested to me how suspicious it looked - I vehemently defended both WH and x-friend/OW.
This went on for over 6 months, until OWs husband returned from deployment. Even then, WH and OW (x-friend) kept it up. Then, it was WHs turn to leave. Of course OW told me she would help me in any way she could, as WH was scheduled to be gone for a year. I still had no clue. Eventually, OW's husband (WHs x-friend) found out. And then I found out. And life has been miserable since.
The worst parts (besides the obvious):
My kids. Desperately wanting to hang out with OWs kids. I hate that WH doesn't have to listen to them begging to go over to OWs. I had to lie and tell them they moved. Hopefully we never run into them around town.
The loneliness! I was totally counting on OW/x-BFF to keep me company and support me during my year as a single mom! And within a month of WH leaving, she is completely out of my life.
The embarrassment. WH and I both work in the same area. So does WH's x-friend (OW's husband). OWH has outed WH to everyone. Now, remember, WH is not here, but will be stationed back here in July. Everyone knows. It's going to be awful for him. And before anyone jumps in, no, I don't feel sorry for him, but I also know that he is not the only one to blame, and OW is getting off pretty easy in comparison.
And more embarrassment. The military's a small place. Many people have approached me after hearing grapevine stories, with that awful, pitying "are you ok?" I HATE IT. I have said there is a fine line between sympathy and pity, and while I appreciate support from my friends, there is nothing worse than people feeling sorry for you. Especially if they're really just looking to get in on the gossip. (And with the ridiculous sordid details that accompany this story, the gossip is impressive. I'm just not sharing with the nosy folks at work.)
Last thing - and this doesn't directly affect me, but it's notable anyway. When WH gets back, he will have to share an office with OW's husband. His x-friend. And co-worker. OWH approached me a few weeks ago to ask my advice on how to deal with things. I told him that at this point (D-day was 8+ mos ago), if I ran into OW (his wife), I would be able to walk on by. I'm not angry at her anymore. Could I work with her every day though? Sheesh. I don't know. WH Is unsure if he should talk to his x-friend (OWH), before he returns, or what. It's going to be messy.
This got a little long-winded. I guess I needed to vent. Thanks for listening.