Sweetie, you're not doing anything "wrong" per se. Josiep is right, in many ways you've been a rock star, shutting down the bakery and expecting MORE from a mate than what's been offered. That's HUGE. It's a lot to be proud of because you're doing all that after having been taken totally by surprise and with so many responsibilities on your plate. That's like bare-breasted wrestling with a baby on the nip... and winning! You're not "wrong".
What I'm worried about is you slipping into a nasty depression, and believe me that's NOT something you want to do. I can only speak to my own experience, but it lasted for years and even now, I'm not completely over it. It colored EVERYTHING in my life, made everything seems pointless. When my own mother died, I didn't FEEL it. I only felt the low hum of lingering resentment, like she had put me into this world but hadn't prepared or protected me, like it was somehow her fault, which is utterly absurd.
So, we don't want depression to take hold. You've got too much good in your life still. NC can help you by not only preventing new injuries, but by allowing your brain time to develop a new routine and new neural pathways to manage it. Out of sight really CAN be out of mind.
In terms of the sadness you're feeling, you have to try NOT to dwell, not to "dig in" to that sadness. In Mindfulness, we learn not to block our feelings but not to impede them either. They come and they go like white, puffy clouds. So, while it's important to your processing that you allow your emotions, you don't want to hold onto them. It's easy to lean in and just collapse on those sad, hurt feelings, but if you do, they're going to swallow you. And at first, you'll feel like you have control and can escape at any time, but as depression sets in, you'll become mired in your dark thoughts.
Rumination is like scratching a groove into an old vinyl record, the more you linger, the less likely you are to break free. At first, I was caught between the idea that I had to "work the problem" and my therapist's admonitions against rumination. I thought I had a better handle on it and I was so fearful that I was going to miss some kind of key information. I just kept going round and round though, searching for reasons why, digging into my grief, and next thing I knew I could NOT get out. I was stuck in that hopeless loop as friends and family members drifted away, because no one can withstand the intensity of that darkness.
I know you want to cry. I know you question "why?" a hundred times a day. I know you miss your WH and all you had planned together. But you can't indulge it. You have to fight back, and weirdly, you can do that through "acceptance".
There are some really cool pages online. Type in "mindfully deal with emotions" and you'll find one from the Gottman Institute. But don't stop there, keep looking for techniques until you find one that resonates with you. It's easy to notice a big, overwhelming emotion like sadness. It's harder to observe and accept it and still let it go. And when there's so much pain in our lives, it's hard to allow other emotions in, happiness at hearing from a friend or pride in the doings of one of your kids. But those are important too and they'll help round you out.
Anyway, long post shorter... you've got to fight this. It can drag you down further than you imagined if allowed to continue unabated. You've got too much good in your life and too much to do to get sidelined by depression. But you're young and you're smart, and you can kick its ass if you head it off before it gets a hold on you.