SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone,

I am now 9 months post DD when I found out about my husband's historic affair and I was doing really well. Counselling for both of us was doing well and I'm now seeing my counsellor fortnightly and feel like in a weird way I have more self esteem, self worth and authencity than ever before. I have realised I am a good person, a good mother and have been a good wife. I did not deserve to be cheated on and I feel my husband was on a path of his own destruction that he would have taken regardless of who he was married too.

He is now turning into the husband I have always wanted and deserved and I believe he truly loves me and our children. He has looked into his how's and why's and continues to address them in individual counselling which is a miracle from a man who used to avoid emotions.

However, this fortnight I have been so triggered. We had my youngest son's birthday which triggered me as he started the affair when I was pregnant so my son was born to an unfaithful father. Then it was my birthday and I remembered how he spoilt my birthdays during the affair, particularly my 30th birthday when I cried I was so disappointed. Then we have my graduation this weekend coming up (somehow i managed to graduate from my master's in between the trauma!). Finally, his conflict avoidant parents, (who have been very unsupportive and his mother cheated and left his dad for AP) are coming to stay this weekend and I'm terrified that they're going to trigger me with their insensitivity, or making light of my trauma (they think I should have gotten over it...urm, probably about 8 months ago!).

This has set me back to questioning how he could do this, and if I can stay. I love him, I love spending time with him, I love our family, I love our future plans, I love our life and I know he loves me BUT, there is always a BUT now. But he cheated. But he disrespected me. But he was a shitty husband and father to do this. But, but, but!

I hate what our marriage stands for now, this stain upon it, the broken vows, the lies, the inauthenticity it contains, the lack of trust and the pain within it. I'm dreading our wedding anniversary in January followed a week later by DD. I never wanted THIS marriage.

I believe in post traumatic growth. I know I will come out of this stronger. I know I will be ok with or without my husband. But, all I really want is peace and right at this moment in time, this triggered version of me feels I cannot find peace with or without my husband 😞

[This message edited by Evio at 5:35 PM, Monday, October 20th]

Finally, his conflict avoidant parents, (who have been very unsupportive and his mother cheated and left his dad for AP) are coming to stay this weekend and I'm terrified that they're going to trigger me with their insensitivity, or making light of my trauma (they think I should have gotten over it...urm, probably about 8 months ago!).

I feel for you here. First of all - I'm not sure I could have had that dynamic stay in my home. But IF this scenario comes to fruition and your WH does not stand up for you and tell his mother and/or AP to STFU or GTFO - you know where you stand and it is no where close to the top.

Congratulations on getting your Masters - bonus stars for getting it under such horrific circumstances.

Hi Chaos...it's my husband"s mum and dad that are coming to stay. They are amicable now and the AP is not on the scene (I don't think he ever left his wife)... cheating was quite normalised in his family as not only did his mum cheat, his aunt and sister both have children from affairs.

I've put off their visit for 9 months...they have been messaging my children asking them to visit and saying they miss them and as my MIL has cancer i really can't put it off any longer. Luckily I have counselling on day 2 of their visit so I will be able to offload then.

Thanks for the congratulations, really don't know how I've achieved it as ive experienced a ridiculous amount of stress the past two years!