SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Curious how you would handle a situation where your in laws told you to come to a resolution one year after finding out about your spouse’s affair so things can go back to normal for them. We have never been super close, and obviously the affair recovery caused more strain, but my spouse and I are trying to work through it and have still included them in activities with our children through the past year.

I had a sweet elderly lady neighbor tell me, after about a year post-D-Day, that I needed to "put it behind me..." She was such a sweet and sincere woman, that at first I thought she was just more of a saint in her temperament than I ever claimed to be. Later on, I heard some stories about her late husband and now I think perhaps she was just trying to share with me what had worked for her. Perhaps it is the same with your In-Laws?

[This message edited by Superesse at 7:04 PM, Wednesday, November 5th]

I should add it was not said kindly…at all. It was very harsh.

Spit on them.

Well, you could try to explain to them how hard it is to survive infidelity, recover and heal. If they don't listen, or don't care, the next logical, rational, mature, adult thing to do would be to tell them, as politely as possible, to fuck off.

It's not their marriage and if they can't be supportive perhaps time near them should be severely limited.

I would think your WS should take the lead in communicating and defending you and the marriage, as they failed to do in the A. Time to step up and be accountable.

You could just be entirely honest with them.

Id go with a text, somewhere along the lines of:

I am trying to find a resolution to this but at this time am unsure what the resolution is. I'm working on moving forward with them but ultimately this may be too much for me to overcome. This may end our marriage but in the meantime, I want to work towards that not being the case. I can't put a timeline on it, I'm not sure how things are going to go

ChasingSunSets,

Great name. Sorry you are facing this with your in-laws. It is possible they are trying to protect their daughter or in some twisted way blaming you for her affair. No way to know but a strong possibility. If they are attempting to blame you or protect their daughter then that just makes what Trdd said spot on.

I would think your WS should take the lead in communicating and defending you and the marriage, as they failed to do in the A. Time to step up and be accountable.

I think nearly everyone here would agree that there is no, on demand, "getting over it! Without processing it correctly it will not end well if it ends at all. And that typically takes far more than a year. In fact the 1st year mark often is a backwards movement from where one is at year 1. There is no "time stamp" but you are on the right path reaching out to those of us who have been where you are at and understand how dismissive it is to be told: it has been long enough and you need to get over it!

If you wife, or you, have a come-to-jesus moment with them and they keep up the pressure then I suggest you consider following Unhinge’s advice:

the next logical, rational, mature, adult thing to do would be to tell them, as politely as possible, to fuck off.

His way is straight forward and to the point. Might even be a little satisfying. ;)

Of course, you probably would be better served by taking DRSOOLERS’ approach:

I am trying to find a resolution to this but at this time am unsure what the resolution is. I'm working on moving forward with them but ultimately this may be too much for me to overcome. This may end our marriage but in the meantime, I want to work towards that not being the case. I can't put a timeline on it, I'm not sure how things are going to go

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