SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My wife and I have had a few issues recently, we separated nearly 2 years ago because she was having an emotional affair with a colleague which led to them swapping explicit photo's and messages. We reconciled but obviously my trust was destroyed.
Things seemed to be improving until one day I get a message from a complete stranger on Facebook containing explicit photos of my wife, I had seen them all but there were 2 that I hadn't which weren't explicit but a little provocative, which he claimed she had sent to him. When challenged she claimed that he must have hacked her WhatsApp and she posted the 2 other photo's on Facebook but deleted them because she didn't like them. I've never fully believed her but I kept going with our marriage.
For Christmas I bought her a new phone and after she transferred everything across she put her old phone away, she fell asleep so I grabbed her old phone and took to the toilet because I simply didn't trust her anymore & I found an explicit video and 2 photo's in her WhatsApp images that were dated last week, but she didn't send them to me so it's clear that she has been messaging someone else.
I'm absolutely devastated and feel like such a mug, it's Christmas day and I find this out

so sorry you had to find us, but it;s the nicest group of folks.

Please read in the healing library and all the posts in this forum marked with bullseyes— you may have to go back a few pages.

It sounds like things were just swept under the rug when you got back together. Did she do any work as to WHY she has poor boundaries? What commitments and actionable change has she done?

This is really hard so please take care of your self.
1) make an appt with your doctor for STI testing . Don’t have unprotected sex with her until she does the same and shows you the results. .Cheaters lie, so you need proof.

2) take care of yourself. Eat healthfully, avoid alcohol / drugs (ask me how I know this one 🥴), drink lots of water, get daily exercise and sleep. If you cannot sleep, talk to your doctor. if you cannot eat, try protein shakes.. this all helps your mind, body and emotional regulation.

3) Get into IC (individual counseling) to help you figure out what YOU want and need. Look for one with TRAUMA experience b/c this really is a trauma. Do you have anyone IRL you can share with? Someone who will provide a supportive ear?

4) Read about the 180. It helps you detach so you can think and breathe and decide what YOU want.

5) Make an appt with 2-3 lawyers to explore what D (divorce) would look like. You don’t need to file for D, but knowledge is power and knowledge will help alleviate fear of the unknown.

Keep reading, and keep posting. Know that this is 100% on her and 0% on you. Don’t let her put any blame on you and don’t tell her how you found the texts. All marriages are imperfect but cheating is a choice, and one she chose repeatedly.

Hang in there - it may be a little slow today but others will be by. Know that you will get through this and find happiness whether you D or R (reconcile).