SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone

It’s been a. While since I wrote . I just wanted to update - more for myself than because anyone wants to hear it !

I recently hit the one year mark d-day - both of the A itself and the day the unhinged women turned up at my parents house. Somehow passing these milestones has felt like somewhat a relief. I don’t know if it’s just me but a lot of my triggers are to do with dates - I.e this time last year x was happening. Somewhere in the back of my mind my mind is relieving that time on those days, almost like it hasn’t moved on. But having crossed those milestones and not having anything happen is almost like my brain has caught up - it’s less vigilant and more in the today. I can tell time again!

My husband and I are doing good - I have more moments of normality than before

Yet sometimes while I feel all the positives above I have intrusive thoughts - the day I found out, or the story of the A all repeat in my mind from the moment I wake.

I am also starting to feel triggered/ disassociated when being intimidate - ironically not something that used to happen before. I don’t know how to reconcile the two truths.

Thank you for sharing your update!! Congratulations on hitting the one year mark of d-day! This means you have survived infidelity EVERY DAY of the year !! Keep on with the healing!!

There may be two things that you could research that might help you to understand what is happening . Our brains are really AMAZING...but we still have some parts of it that are holdovers from back when we needed to act on instinct in order to survive. Scientists call this our "lizard brain". This is part of our limbic system. Researching the limbic system surely opened my eyes!! The limbic system is so fascinating but when we are trying to survive a traumatic event it doesn't seem to be very good for us . Once I understood about the limbic system and my lizard brain...it helped me to start on a different path in order to heal .

Our limbic system keeps track of EVERY experience we have had. It then will act instinctively to help us survive a similar experience. This is where we get our instinctive flight, fight, or freeze response. We CAN retrain our brain to be calm around these experiences...but it can't be done logically. The ONLY way to retrain our limbic system is by experience.

The other thing you could research is neuroplasticity . Neuroplasticity is basically making new neural pathways in our brain. This can be negative if we keep ruminating over the SAME thing over and over again. But it can positively impact our healing by us intentionally thinking more positively . For ME...when a negative thought would enter my head...I would immediately think about something positive...my go-to was my grandchildren . At first it seemed to not be working...but as I kept it up I started noticing that my brain was being rewired .

Those moments of normalcy you and your husband are having are WONDERFUL ! These experiences will calm your limbic system more than anything . Here's to you not only surviving infidelity...but THRIVING despite it ! Being on the OTHER side of infidelity is a beautiful thing !