SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I found out about the cheating 8 months ago, my husband (WS) maintained contact with AP behind my back so I was very determined to get a divorce. However, 6 months later, when he moved out, I got hit with extreme anxiety and depression. At first, I was able to function and feel better by talking to friends and working out, but it got so much worse that I can barely function. out of desperate move, I asked him to move back last week. He has always been nice to me, he said he doesn't want a divorce and he promised he has finally cut contact with other women, so I thought maybe I should consider reconciliation. However, he still doesn't want to talk about the affair, and refuse to communicate his real thoughts, and with my anxiety it makes me crazy when I have to beg him to talk and yet he would only squeeze out a few words. other than the affair, he'd be nice to me, and talk to me like nothing happened, he'd watch TV together and be there when I have anxiety or depression episodes. I honestly don't know what to do, I feel I'm stuck and every min of my life is meaningless and I'm just throwing away my life. Any thoughts or suggestions? anything would help.

Hello idkkat. Welcome to the greatest club that no one ever wanted to join.

I thought maybe I should consider reconciliation. However, he still doesn't want to talk about the affair,

Reconciliation is an extremely difficult journey even with a WS who's the most loquacious human being on the planet. Attempting to reconcile with someone who lacks the courage to have the difficult conversations is just asking for trouble.

The bulk of the work in reconciliation falls squarely upon the shoulders of the wayward spouse. It requires a wayward spouse to be all-in, holding nothing back, being completely open and honest, answering every single question that is asked, and doing everything they possibility can to own and fix their shit.

If he doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want to reconcile; he wants to sweep it all under the rug and wait for you to "get over it".

Do not accept this. Not. For. A moment.

If he can't put on his big boy pants and engage with you, he's not worth your time and energy.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how incredibly difficult and painful surviving infidelity can be. We all do.

Don't sell yourself short. Don't settle for anything less than 100% effort on his part.