SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is a very hard story to tell. It has only brought pain and despair in our world. I wish only I could take all of it back. Start over and be the person I should have all been along. But there is no such thing as a time machine. I struggle to share this, to accept the cruel and heartless things I have done. To start I have to go way back to when I first started dating my husband. It was within a year and a half into our relationship that I started talking to a man that lead to my first betrayal. I was seeing him for almost a year behind my then boyfriends back. We had some dates and shared some intimate moments together. I was engaged and planning a wedding. I had to stop what I was doing. I ended up doing the Unthinkable and had him come to our wedding despite my husband not wanting him there as he was always suspicious of him. I ended things with this first man and for 14 years it was my husband and I and our three beautiful children. I never told him after all these years until now. My second affair was a year in length. We would meet in mornings before work. I was also intimate with this man. One day my husband confided in me about his past that he never told anyone. I chose this moment to tell him about my first affair. While this was happening my current affair had texted me I messaged him back which was incredibly heartless. It was two days later I ended it with my current affair. And the day after that my husband found out about my current affair. I admit I struggled to tell of him as it was so fresh. But I realize now that even though my first affair was 14 years earlier all of it was fresh to him. I again did something terrible during my confession of my second affair. I had called someone who i thought was a friend for help as i was having a panic attack i told her I told him of my current affair. My husband had driven off when I told him. I was in shear panic. He then came back. I made a terrible decision and kept her on the phone. She heard the yelling our fighting after I just shattered his world. She called my parents then to come get me, involved my sister in law and had my dad come get me and the children. The cops were also called. It was a day of hell for my husband. I should never involved anyone but keep it between my husband and I. Especially not the children. I ended going to the hospital as I couldn't calm down. The next few days were a blur. Both of us in terrible shape. It has been 6 and a half months and it has been a roller coaster. Some days are ok. Most are a struggle. I am in therapy. And take anxiety medication. Every week I work on trying to become a better human being. He suffers daily and I feel completely helpless. We have tried doing week to week with the kids, now we are sleeping in separate rooms. We are working on reconciliation. I know its going to be a long road. We have deep conversations almost daily which helps. Despite us reconciling he still wants to get divorced and start over as the last 15 years are all destroyed for him.