SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hung out with a friend a few nights ago, where we talked about a lot of things. He's one of the guys who helped me through discovering the affair. So, we did get closer, and it did help that he was going through a betrayal situation (Not an affair, but major lies) with his now ex. He started dating someone new, someone who's a little older and I guess the topic of kids came up. On whether they wanted kids and if they did, obviously timing is important. And also, it's something you have to discuss with potential long-term partners. Which led to the conversation to whether I wanted kids.

Long story short, before the affair. My wife and I always were 50/50 on having kids. Both of us work in jobs that see the worst of humanity, some of it directly deals with abuse towards kids. So, it was always up in the air if we ever did want kids. That and the ever cost of raising one in this economy. Obviously, after an affair a lot of things change and how see things.

I know some of you had kids when affairs did happen and I do believe reading someone's post about having a kid after. And kids are a big responsibility, where a lot of communication and trust has to exist between the parents. I was wondering how the conversations regarding kids after everything went.

Did you guys change anything regarding the topic? Stay the same? And so on.

Obviously, reconciliation is treating this phase as a new relationship. So, having this discussion again is obviously going to happen again and has to.

Her affair partner had a bad habit to film prostitutes (also girls he could catch so guess who?) unprotected sex.

The fat lard pig gave her a STD so she got infertile (As in denial, only cured it recently) and had 2 abortions.
We adopted.
A wonderful girl, only reason I am waiting and watching.

I guess you can still have kids if you feel the need, in my case that was the price she paid for her PA.
Kids are an amazing thing, no matter what it's something you can't replace in life.

Of course I did not give up my own kids, only thing left to decide is with who.

Not me, but WF and her H had a baby after her 3 year LTA. They also moved to avoid AP's location.

They are not doing well, and I suspect she is getting into another A.

BackfromtheStorm

From your story the aspect of infertility that came from your wife's infidelity is one of the harsher that I have seen here. I am glad that you have awakened from the deep apathy (is that the correct word?) and shitty treatment that you have been existing in. There is one bitter-sweet aspect of your painful journey that I am shy to point out, but I will take the risk. If it didn't happen, your daughter might have been lost in the foster system, where she wouldn't get any real love, or she would get parents that don't have the means to help her. One innocent human got something tremendous out of it. In the effort to fill the gaps you saved a whole little universe. It is something extraordinary.

[This message edited by Itiswhatitis000 at 10:15 PM, Monday, May 4th]

If we want to see the bright side yes.

Also healing from betrayal healed my childhood trauma as well, so now I’m the regulating force for my daughter and in the last few months her trauma is also progressing very well, she is much stronger and I finally see she can heal too.

My wife, she truly would like to have my child, I just don’t know what about it, I don’t plan, now she is healed (from the std) but it will be more difficult than in her 20s.

We’ll see, until she heals from the cheater traits I really don’t care about what will be or make any future plans with her, I will just keep my observation period and then move on or give her a chance if I see any improvements.

Whatever will be it will be fine.

Thanks itiswhatitis.
It was ptsd, so not really apathy but dissociation. I am not infertile, she was, right now it seems ok. She was in denial about it, I think she just realized what her affair partner gifted her besides humiliation and damaging our relationship for life. I am surprised I didn’t pour salts in her wounds and said nothing, I would have totally done that in the past.
Even if I think it hurts her more my silence, but she has to voice it herself, not me.

I kind of saw my adoptive daughter as a big gift from this trash experience

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 11:01 PM, Monday, May 4th]