Well, as the title says, it’s been 5 years to the day since my wife got drunk, pulled me aside, and told me she was having an affair.
If you’ve been around here for a while, you might remember my story. In the months—and even years—after that day, I struggled to accept it as the truth. I found myself constantly questioning, revisiting every detail, and talking endlessly about the affair. Even two years later, it still felt like a raw wound.
So, here we are, 5 years on, and I wanted to post an update—for myself, and for anyone who followed my journey.
The big question first: Am I still with my wife?
Yes. We’re still together.
Things have calmed down significantly. I no longer need constant reassurance or verification about the affair. My wife kept her word—cutting contact with the affair partner and committing to rebuilding our marriage.
It hasn’t been easy, and I won’t pretend it has been. Some days are harder than others, and the past can still creep in and haunt me. But I’ve learned to work through it, to acknowledge my feelings without letting them control me.
In many ways, our marriage now feels different. We still argue, we still face challenges, but we do it together. Five years later, I’ve found a place of hope. I don’t fully trust—and I probably never will—but I do have hope that she truly sees what her choices did to me, to our marriage, and to our children, who had to witness the world they knew feel shaken by something that shouldn’t have happened.
We didn’t do counselling. We didn’t do a trial separation. But we did do a hell of a lot of talking, shouting, crying… and yes, lots of sex.
Would I have done anything differently? That’s a hard one. Sometimes I think maybe I should have just left. But that’s not what I wanted. I wanted to work through my marriage and our problems. We’ve been together 25 years, and we’ve always stuck together, got through hard times, and come out the other end.
After the affair, I wasn’t sure if that would still happen. It was a risk. Would she remain in contact with him? Was she telling the truth? I had so many questions I had to come to terms with.
It’s not perfect. It’s complicated. But it’s real. And after five years, I can say that we’re still here, still trying, and still working on building something stronger from the wreckage of that moment.
I think I’ve finally come to a point where the questions, the arguing, and the bad feelings don’t matter anymore. What happened, happened 5 years ago. If I want any chance of staying with my wife, I have to find peace, accept what happened, move forward, and try to make things work.
We are still working on our marriage and ourselves, but things aren’t as bad as they once were.
For anyone going through this right now and feeling like things will never get better, I can assure you: things will get better. One way or another.
