SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m a wayward spouse, and my husband and I are a little over three years into reconciliation.

A few weeks ago, my husband reached out to my affair partner’s wife. She didn’t respond at first, but after a few days she messaged him back. Since then, they’ve been in fairly regular contact.

He shows me all the messages . Most of their conversations have centered around the affairs and healing. My affair partner is apparently still denying that the affairs happened, which has left his wife struggling and questioning things. My husband has encouraged her to seek therapy and support, and I believe he genuinely wants to help her.

One additional detail is that my affair partner does not know they are corresponding. As far as we know, those conversations are only between my husband and his wife.

I don’t have a problem with them talking, and I don’t believe anything inappropriate is happening. At the same time, this is a situation I never imagined we’d be in, and I’m trying to understand whether it’s common or healthy in the long run.

Has anyone else experienced this? If you were the betrayed spouse, did talking with the other betrayed spouse help your healing, or did it make it harder to move forward? If you were the wayward spouse, how did you navigate your feelings about it?

I am simply curious whether others have been through something similar and what the outcome was.

I reached out to the OBS to inform her about what happened between our spouses (a ONS-fling at a trade-show and a few text messages after). We exchanged a few emails over the course of several weeks. A couple of years later she emailed me to let me know she divorced and ask me how I was doing. That was the extent of it.

I generally encourage BSs to inform OBSs and share information. Just the facts!

Anything beyond simple inform sharing becomes precarious for plenty of reasons. The most critical reason to keep any interactions between BSs to a minimum is that it can, however vicariously, maintain the connection between the WSs.

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to ask your hubby to keep his interactions with her to that bare minimum. It is not his job to help her heal. A healthy boundary needs to be established here.