Has anyone else’s spouse or partner developed PTSD or complex PTSD as a result of your affair.
Looking back, I believe my husband likely had undiagnosed PTSD long before my affair. After disclosure, I learned about significant childhood trauma that he had never shared with me, and he also went through cancer and treatment, which I believe added another layer of trauma. Then my infidelity introduced betrayal trauma on top of everything else. He’s since been diagnosed with C-PTSD.
I’m trying to better understand what life is like for someone living with C-PTSD and what my role should be as a spouse. At times, he becomes overwhelmed by his emotions. Things that seem small to me can trigger very intense reactions for him. Things like slamming his fist on the table because he feels the food took too long at a restaurant, extreme road rage. When he’s dysregulated, he can become very angry, say hurtful things, or expect me to remain calm while he struggles to control his own emotions. He often expects me to try to calm him. Once he’s regulated he sometimes sees things differently.
I know he’s carrying years of unresolved trauma, along with the trauma of cancer and the betrayal trauma from my affair and the damage I have caused. I love him, and I truly want to understand how to support him while also learning what a healthy response from me should look like during those difficult moments.
For those of you whose spouse has PTSD or C-PTSD:
* How do you cope with the emotional highs and lows?
* How do you respond when they’re triggered or dysregulated
* How do you support them without completely losing yourself?
* Where do you draw the line between understanding that PTSD is real and still expecting accountability for hurtful behavior?
* Has therapy helped, and if so, what approaches have made the biggest difference?
I’m not looking for judgment—either toward him or toward me. I’m genuinely trying to learn from people who have lived through something similar because this can feel like a very lonely journey and I am struggling.
