SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So a year ago, I found out my wife had an affair after a decade of marriage, i didn't know to what extent. Because we have a daughter and financial constraints, I decided to move on. Something triggered me and now I wanted to know the story from her mouth. I felt like she was telling the story with fondness. I was breaking down as the story went on because this was not a just a physical thing, they had a deep emotional connection. Once she got to the part where she said she went to the hotel and she had sex, I bawled like a baby. I'm not able to take what happened. It's been few days now, every minute I'm replaying the betrayal in my head, she made deep connection to this guy is what's killing me the most. I don't know how to recover from this and I'm not in a place where I can just abandon this marriage. The pain is like a knife going my heart every minute.

Sorry you had to seek us out — and I understand the initial shock and pain of it all.

It can take 2-5 years to heal from the trauma of infidelity.

There is a book by Linda J. McDonald, How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair that I highly suggest your wife reads, so she can get a hint of how much pain you’re dealing with.

For now, self-care is huge. Drink lots of water, sleep when you can and be kind to yourself.

You said you don’t want to abandon your M, but at some point soon, you should at least consult an attorney to review your legal options.

You have time to figure out if your wife can be a safe partner or not, and if she still sees the A as something positive, that’s not a great start.

I’m really sorry you’re hurting Revpab.

To add to Oldwounds suggestions, I’d say make sure you get physical exercise. Low intensity exercise reduces cortisol which will make you feel calmer. It will also help you sleep. Don’t forget to eat.

Can you say a little more about what you two have been doing to address the affair since DDay? How do you know the A is over? How did she respond to your breakdown when she told you the story?

Know this: you can recover from this, and the more proactive you are the sooner that will happen. I’m concerned that you guys just rugswept the affair for the past year, and all this bottled up emotion has come erupting out now.

Can you also say more about why you can’t end the marriage? And why you chose the word "abandon"? From my perspective, you wouldn’t be abandoning a damn thing. She ended the marriage when she betrayed you.