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Newest Member: Samalama

Just Found Out :
Honey, they always affair down

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fullofanger ( member #34162) posted at 1:36 AM on Saturday, March 31st, 2012

I needed to read this again. Mow is such a disgusting skank........

I feel better now, thank you.

posts: 132   ·   registered: Dec. 10th, 2011
id 5769606
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BEM817 ( member #35104) posted at 1:27 AM on Saturday, April 14th, 2012

Had to bump this one again. It was food for my soul in the first few days following DDay

Married 16 years, together for 22
BS Me - 43
WS Husband - 45
Two Kids 8 & 9
DDay 3/15/12 8 month EA. PA for 5 of those months.

posts: 164   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2012
id 5790392
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standinghere ( member #34689) posted at 1:34 AM on Saturday, April 14th, 2012

Sri624 posted this in another line. I couldn't think of any better place to put this. She really hit it on the head.

but she turned out to be just as pathetic as the entire affair was

That is a great way to put it.

It is pathetic, in every case that I've ever known of, and in my WS's and her AP's case as well. He was pathetic in several ways, the only thing he had going for him was a large penis and the fact that he didn't have much work so he had the time to fool around during the daytime.

My brother and his AP were pathetic in so many ways as well.

As were my SIL's and their AP's.

Pathetic behavior by people acting pathetic and not dealing with their life issues in a constructive manner. It doesn't matter if the WS or the AP is a doctor, lawyer, banker, preacher, nurse, stay at home parent, pilot, model, physical therapist, logger, drunkard, bum, saint, coworker, professor, president, governor, heiress, construction worker, soldier, sailor, tinker, or spy. They are all acting pathetic, and not dealing with life's issues in an honorable manner.

FBH - Me - Betrayal in late 30's (now much older)
FWS - Her - Affair in late 30's (now much older )
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled BUT!

posts: 1703   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 5790401
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ICrossMyHeart ( new member #35266) posted at 1:42 AM on Saturday, April 14th, 2012

That they do. I've never heard it said better then that. Thank you for that

Me: BS-40
WS-39
2children
Married almost 15yrs, cat lasted longer then our marriage. Been together bout 20 years
DD-Multi EA's July11/Jan12
DD-Sept11 Supposed only PA in 2008

posts: 41   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2012   ·   location: cen cali
id 5790413
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DixieDiamondfly ( member #34830) posted at 5:58 AM on Saturday, April 14th, 2012

Wow! Thank you so much for this. I know it was written several years ago, but wow! I sure needed to read this tonight.

BS: Me, 56 yrs. young
XWS: Him, 60 yo
KIDS: 33 yo son, 31 yo son, 25 yo daughter...and three wonderful grandsons and a beautiful granddaughter.
Married 34 yrs.
D-Day #1: 2/8/12
D-Day #2: 7/16/2012
D-Day #3: 3/29/2015
Divorced!

posts: 182   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Gulf Coast
id 5790751
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hurting7897 ( member #34761) posted at 6:39 AM on Saturday, April 14th, 2012

That was amazing. Thank you!!!

Married 20 years
Me-BS-51
Him-FWH-46 "healing4us2"
2 kids, DD 12 and DS 16
D-day #1 Jan. 30,2012
D-day #2 April 12, 2012
D-day #3 April 15, 2012
June 24, 2012--Decided to R.
January 21, 2013-Forgave him! Life is sweet
May 4, 2015--T

posts: 230   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2012   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 5790774
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broken <3 ( member #35098) posted at 6:48 AM on Saturday, April 14th, 2012

Thank god I just read this!! Thank you thank you!!

Me - BS mother of 2year old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

posts: 484   ·   registered: Mar. 19th, 2012   ·   location: West coast Canada
id 5790780
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newnormal ( member #21925) posted at 6:31 PM on Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Bump

BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo

posts: 1034   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2008
id 5795566
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NeedMoreTime ( member #33677) posted at 9:52 AM on Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

I read this in the midst of DDays 2 & 3, but I was too raw to really appreciate it at the time.

Now, a heartfelt "thank you." WH had an online/sexting A when we were only dating. Three months after we were married, he had a ONS (he still says no sex...please explain, then, where the fuck I got chlymadia from) with someone he met on a plane to come visit me while we were both active duty and had separate duty stations. Then he goes TDY for training, and as I'm still fighting for the truth about the ONS, he carries on an EA with an old fling and is driving to her house to have sex when I call.

The sexting A, the girl was active duty as well; she was married and when WH got orders to our current station (3 hours from her station), asked him to drive up there to have a threesome with her and her H. Told him he wouldn't have to pay for a hotel, he could sleep on their couch

ONS knew he was married, knew we were only not living together bc I was active duty and only had 2 months left on my orders/enlistment so they didn't move me with him. Still she gave him her number and invited him to sleep at her apartment after they met up to bar hop. Her apartment that she shared with FIVE roommates to be able to afford the rent

OW3 did not finish HS, lost custody of her son to her baby daddy (and in Texas, that's really saying something), got fired from her job at the gas station, and has a good 50 pounds on me. Did I forget to mention that she has a man face?

The only thing any of them have that I don't? Two have red hair (a fetish of WH's). They all have a lack of respect for marriage, and they all are stupid enough to carry on with a man who obviously has no respect for them.

I am educated, very attractive (so my friends tell me, and I used to believe), funny, a great mother, and a loving and faithful wife. They can't compete with me.

My mind knows this...but today, my heart really needed the reminder.

BW

Multiple D-days, 2/4/11, 10/21/11, 10/27/2011, 11/28/11
Trying R...going well.

How can our wounds become scars if the bleeding doesn't stop?

posts: 134   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2011   ·   location: Wyoming
id 5796716
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Downrightpissed ( new member #35347) posted at 12:21 PM on Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Wow! That was probably the most awesome post I have read on here. I am a newbie..only 4 months out and what u said brought my self esteem up 10 notches, The other woman in my case is just that..Not attracticve at all. Almost made me feel worse as to why he would go for that..but your right..she looked up to him..probably did things and said things that boosted his ego. But in reality, she is a low life home wrecker that has no morals, or self esteem. He is fighting for me, and easily dumped her in the trash where she belongs , which I know is killing her because she tried so hard to get him to leave me. So thank you for giving this newbie a new way of looking at my situation and the self esteem boost to get through another day!!

Me. BS. 40
WH - 41 PA 4 years
DDAY 12/7/11
Married 16 years
3 kids, 15,12 and 9
Currently trying to R

posts: 42   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Michigan
id 5796773
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LonelyHusband ( member #34145) posted at 3:00 PM on Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

It's taken me a while to grasp this.

I thought for a long time that the concept "they always affair down" was simply the BS's circling the wagons and defending their already battered self confidence.

However, with the clarity of a little time I've come to realise that "they always affair down" is true. It has to be true, and for a very simple reason. If the affair partner had the same moral and ethical boundaries as the BS then they would tell the WS to F*ck off because they would not be prepared to get involved with a married person. In order to have an affair, you have to find someone with crap morals and personal standards.

so yeah, they always affair down.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 9:00 AM, April 18th (Wednesday)]

Reconciling.
“A wizard is never late. Nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he means to".
Apparently not an appropriate reason for coming home drunk at 2AM.

posts: 1322   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011   ·   location: UK
id 5796995
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standinghere ( member #34689) posted at 7:45 AM on Saturday, April 21st, 2012

bump

FBH - Me - Betrayal in late 30's (now much older)
FWS - Her - Affair in late 30's (now much older )
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled BUT!

posts: 1703   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 5802216
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traditoperanni ( member #32660) posted at 4:38 PM on Saturday, April 21st, 2012

Wow, this is so true. Just last night I asked my wh why did you pick on the pathetic

losers? they all had self esteem issues(except for one-she was the ex-escort he had affair with. She was just plain manipulative and self absorbed.) The most recent is my age (62) never been married, never had children,

just clung on to my wh for the past ten years. He said he tried to end it many times

but she threatened suicide. I said "So?" He also said she was so crazy he was afraid she would contact me.

Of course, I take everything he says with a grain of salt.

Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

posts: 449   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2011   ·   location: California
id 5802457
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Maddy66 ( new member #35408) posted at 6:45 AM on Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

Could not have read this at a better time...after 2 years of being accused of being crazy and jealous ...when the facts were right there...i really needed this ...Thank you ..thank you..for your words..they brought me back to my sanity..it's time i take back my life..

posts: 2   ·   registered: Apr. 22nd, 2012   ·   location: Canada
id 5803179
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Lostllama ( new member #34956) posted at 2:01 AM on Friday, April 27th, 2012

BS Only

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 4:20 PM, May 9th (Wednesday)]

~LL

posts: 17   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2012   ·   location: lostllama
id 5811009
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Junco ( member #35269) posted at 3:31 AM on Friday, April 27th, 2012

What’s is attractive about the OW is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill.

Wow, you know my WH?

You are so right, they do look for the weak, the lost, the fragile, and then leave them worse off than they were. Truly, looking at it this way, I feel a bit sorry for both WH and OW: neither of them would be in this predicament if they had a grain of...sense...self-respect...morals...love for someone other than themselves...

Junco

"Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living." -Mother Jones

posts: 256   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2012   ·   location: MD
id 5811150
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Edie ( member #26133) posted at 8:25 PM on Friday, May 4th, 2012

Bumpety bump

posts: 6663   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 5822138
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BEM817 ( member #35104) posted at 4:49 PM on Monday, May 14th, 2012

Had to bump this one again. 6 weeks past dday and I still reread it from time to time...

Married 16 years, together for 22
BS Me - 43
WS Husband - 45
Two Kids 8 & 9
DDay 3/15/12 8 month EA. PA for 5 of those months.

posts: 164   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2012
id 5835214
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isthisforreal ( member #30926) posted at 5:27 PM on Monday, May 14th, 2012

And the only thing that could make this topic better is if we could post the LOSERS pics here! I have a freaking doozy that would make you all

BW me 47
WH him 52
married 24 years
DD 9/15/10
3 incredible teenage daughters
"it only hurts when I breathe"

posts: 268   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2011
id 5835296
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nordicbabe ( member #35419) posted at 7:45 PM on Monday, May 14th, 2012

I have a hard time believing he affaired down. She's 20 years younger, at least 20 pounds lighter, at least 20 centimeters shorter and generally a big ball of sunshine and happiness.

So I hate her.

posts: 1468   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012
id 5835558
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