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What was that "light bulb moment" that you knew you were going to D and what made you stick to it?

First Marriage:

Light bulb moment was when XH said he would never go to MC. I knew it was over (actually I knew it was over before, I was just giving him an opportunity to try and save his marriage - he didn't take the bait).

We had already separated twice and gotten back together. The 2nd time I had been away for over a month and I really hesitated to try R again because I was starting to be OK with the idea of D. And then he pleaded with me to come home and made all these promises that he never lived up to. And then I found out he never went NC with the whore. And that was it. I was DONE. I moved into my own place 3 weeks later.

After the 3rd D-day I was getting some help. I was in IC and found SI (lurker only). At the 4th d-day, it was no longer about what I could do. I had done what had been asked and it hadn't changed my XW. About 4 months later I was detaching fast as XW was in a downward spiral (depression, drinking, anxiety attacks), and I just felt that even though she claims they were done that they weren't. So I snooped one last time and found that it never ended. Although it hurt I called an attorney ASAP to have papers drawn up.

My birthday and VD are back to back. She could not find my birthday card and she did not get me a VD card cause she could not find one that said what she wanted to say. And later on in the night she called OM to talk with him.

When I read 400+ emails to and from OW. Pictures of his house he secretly bought in Thailand. I pretty much knew when I found the first emails 8 mo before, it was a deal breaker. gma

When I was married, the first time I came here to SI, we set a date to be fully on our way to R. It was 9 months from the 1st d-day and also our 11 year anniversary.

R was fake. There were numerous d-day in between.

But, THE MOMENT I knew was sitting at the dinner table on our 11 year annivesary when he made me cry and looked right at me and said "what are you going to do to get over this?"

"This" for him meant "his infidelities"

"This" for me meant our marriage.

I moved out ten days later!

[This message edited by Tesa at 3:17 PM, March 18th (Thursday)]

When WW refused NC after 1 day of False R then she told our boys she was "dating" the OM. That was it...

The day I walked into our home and caught him with some girl he met at school in my bedroom. I knew then he was dead to me.

I had received a letter from a "friend" of the OW confirming a PA. I wasn't able to show it to XH when I got home because my stepdad was there helping him fix the window of my van. I waited up until 11:00 pm to show it to him before giving up and placing it on his pillow and sleeping on the couch. He was supposed to go hunting the next morning, but when I woke up he was still there. I thought it was because he was finally going to talk to me and stop the trickle truth. I was wrong. He never said a word...not one...acknowleding the letter. I waited 24 hours before finally confronting him with his silence. His excuse for ignoring it? He knew I was pissed and didn't want to hear me bitch at him. I knew then that I couldn't grow old with him. He had no concern for my feelings. Never one time said he was sorry, or it's not true, or asked me if I were ok. He just didn't want a confrontation. IMO that proved he was completely unremorseful and was only sorry he got caught.

Took me 18 months to financially be able to file. Limbo was hell. I wish I had kicked him out that day.

The 4th breach of NC. The consequences had been stated and then carried out.

I knew I would stick to it because he did it on purpose, voluntarily. No one forced him to break NC. He chose the path we would take. I just made sure we stayed on it.

[This message edited by k9lover1 at 4:30 PM, March 18th (Thursday)]

When I realized that nothing in life would ever make living with a lying, cheating partner worth it.

AJ's MOM

My WH moved back to his mother's house to "clear his head" about things...and started back up with the OW after he said he asked for NC. I found over 18 hours of phone calls and 320 text messages in the first week alone. So, he is continuing to cheat on me...and 320 text messages....apparently they both have the emotional needs of 15 year olds!! This was the deal breaker...he just left home to avoid having to look and deal with me...and to keep his new "romance" alive.

See ya!!

The moment I knew I was going to D him was when he was driving down the road with me in the car, screaming at me that "HE NEEDED HIS ONLINE FRIENDS!!!" (a.k.a. his skanks) and that "HE DESERVED A 5Oth BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!!" (two weeks after I found out about his affairs, he turned 50---I ignored his birthday).

I had a "lightbulb" moment and realized that he was the most self-centered, selfish human being on the face of the Earth and that he would never feel an ounce of remorse for what he had done....at that point, I was done...

I suspected something was amiss, as there was no remorse but that of getting caught, but nothing had shown up on the keylogger for over a year.

So, after one too many drunken fights (both of us drunk) where he disrespected me, I baited him with an email, and he borrowed a friend's computer and bit the bait.

I never told him "Natashia" was me. I never told him this was the final nail in the casket. I was scheduled to go on vacation, alone, the next morning. So I did, and told my family I was leaving him.

Then when I came back from vacation I started cleaning out and packing my stuff. He never mentioned all my activity. I think it only dawned on him in retrospect what I was up to. In fact I never let a conversation start with him again. I only spoke when spoken to and then as little as possible.

And he was still surprised a month later when I said he was getting served the next day and next week I'm moving out. That alone tells a story about how disconnected we were. So disconnected he didn't see me preparing to flee, or if he did he didn't take a moment to question me.

I had known the marriage was over for months but I was sticking it out because he supposedly wasn't doing anything wrong. I just didn't really believe it. His email to "Natashia" just proved what I suspected all along: it's all about opportunity with him.

I just cut my losses and ran.

whe I found out he had not kept N/C with the whore ... I checked his cell phone ...

so the 4 months I thought were in R he was carrying on a very hot and heavy with the whore thru cell phones ... No PA during these 4 months ... EA tho ...

mine as well had been PA geez ... the messages were

sorry I kept them from those 4 months of fu**ing ... gee whiz my mistake ... should of just let the PA go on like it had been since July 07 ... oops my mistake what was I thinking ...

f**k them ... he got served today and I am freaking happy bout it !!!!!

so back in mid Nov 09 I checked his phone and found the messages ect ... I kicked his ass off the fence and tried to choke him with the cake he was eating ...

he choose her and I choose D ... yes a few months later ... but I did eventually choose D and I soooooo much better for it ...

this is not meant to be a damper on those of you trying to R or those of not ... just my experience ...

and it has been a roller coaster for sure ... but I am doing it and I am starting to hold my head up higher and higher ...

you guys will to !!!!

When he looked me in the eyes with tears in his eyes on our 32nd anniversary and told me that he would stop seeing OW#2. I found out two days later he was still contacting her.

I exposed the whole sordid affair to my family and started working on D papers.

When he said to me "We've got to work on moving you up my list of priorities".

Not sure quite where I came on the list or how many things were above me for me to have to fight my way past. Let's face it. If you are not a priority when the marriage is imploding, you are unlikely to ever be.

I was standing in the kitchen the morning after Dday and I looked at WH. I told him the marriage was dead, over, murdered. I filed for D that Friday, was final in 6 months. Over and out.

(Did eventually R, but still D with no plans to remarry)

When he made a date with me to talk and proceeded to tell me that he didn't love me and needed to D. I asked him who the new whore was. He denied there was a new one.

New whore has been confirmed..

I'm still going to D, he is a lying, cheating sack of shit, just like his mom.