I have seen shows depicting drug and alcohol use and abuse.
Addicts and alcoholics will often wrestle with their addictions for YEARS... Struggling against the temptations to go back to the bottle or the needle and FEEL what those "vessels" of dopium made them FEEL when they were freely making use of all that paraphernalia regularly.
I see the drugs and the liquor itself being "valued" in a manner of speaking. If you call a constant selfish cycle of all that stuff being bought and used and disposed of... the same thing as being "valued" that is...
But do you ever see that special used bottle or that syringe being glorified by itself? Are there passionate, moving love songs about the actual spent, used, & empty BOTTLE or NEEDLE/SYRINGE that move the erstwhile drug addicted singer to devote odes and ballads and lyrics to their honor and memory?
It seems they that addicts often break the bottles or throw them all away without a second thought as to the nostalgia of what they represent by virtue of being the more permanent and less consumable/disposable tokens and memorabilia of the thing that gave them any kind of value whatsoever to the user.
It is perhaps possible that so selfish a person as a faithless spouse could be so selfishly minded that they don't actually value the means & person by which they get their regular fix from, any more than an addict might have attachment to the drug dealer or an alcoholic be stuck on the local, regular liquor store clerk or bartender.
I don't operate that way MYSELF, so I must admit that this has been a stretch for me to grasp as well, but my own fwwife can't even half recall the faces or much of what I would think would be seemingly unforgettable details of her AP's that she abandoned me and the family and house and home for!
It took her a full year to "get over" the second guy she left me for (the second time she abandoned me), and she not only was his lover for several months but also her very close Co worker for about a solid year or more, since he was a main cook and she was a waitress at a Denny's type of restaurant at that time.
And he just used her till he was done and then dumped her without a word or explanation or rhyme or reason stated at all. He just stopped everything cold and never resumed things or said anything about it at all just like nothing had never even happened except in her own imagination alone.
Personally, I just really can't imagine how people can take such risks and make such incredible trade-offs and all of it just mean absolutely NOTHING in the scheme of things, but there you have it...
To some people, other people who are so called "lovers" are no more than "lavers" (wash basins/lavatory sinks) instead. Nothing more than a means to feel better about one's self like washing one's face and hands and then feeling better about what you are seeing when they look at themselves in the bathroom mirror.
It's not always about loving the sink or "laver" but actually just ALL about feeling young or freshened up when they see THEMSELVES after the fact.
But I can't speak for your husband. Just more or less to what I've heard and learned from my own wife and others here on SI...
[This message edited by Cephastion at 5:50 AM, April 1st (Monday)]