SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Checked his yahoo account (that he didn't know I knew about) and she sent him a message saying love and sssssssshhhhh! Guess it wasn't true R or even babysteps. Guess they were just trying to fuck me again! So called him and woke him up at home and told him that his yahoo account just fucked him and when I get home the kids and I are gone!!!!

Called her and told her thanks for the final nail in the coffin and I hoped he could pack his shit and move in with her because he deserves an adultering whore. And that her preacher would be getting all of the evidence of her doings from me.

They can both fuck in sin until they rot in hell. I am out of this!!!!!

(((changed29)))

I am so sorry that your WH has taken the true, genuine gift you had offered him for granted.

lotsa-

we privated you know where I was... now I am done. Crying and done.

I know where you were and I know how far you have come. Don't let your WH take away from you the gains that you have achieved in such a short period of time. You deserve better than what your husband is offering you at the moment.

Retain a copy of the e-mail and keep it for any lawyer you may need to retain. It may be very helpful to you in any future legal proceedings.

Stay strong not only for yourself, but for your children. You have a bright future ahead of you regardless of what happens with your M. Sending you strength and hugs for the days ahead.

(((changed29)))

ETA: Again, I am so sorry you have to go through this.

[This message edited by Lotsa at 5:07 AM, September 4th (Saturday)]

(((changed29)))

So sorry to hear this.

You're standing strong in the face of a crippling blow. I'm sorry your WH was idiot enough to throw away the M and family for nothing. That's what she is, what the A is...nothing.

Thank God you found out! At least they won't be playing you for a fool any longer!

And yes, they deserve each other.

And will they ever trust one another? Hell no.

Nothing but misery ahead of them.

You can move past this and be happy!

Stay strong.

(((changed)))

Hold on to that conviction! You are strong and not standing for this! Many of us are behind you. This isn't easy but I'm encouraged by your strength.

You have integrity and there's much power in that. Best of luck in this transition - you will be at peace soon.

just know that their 'relationship' has started on false pretenses and this will always cause them to mistrust each other. You now have the opportunity to live free of the lies and betrayal...something they can now enjoy. Be strong and expect respect.

[This message edited by whitepicketfence at 8:47 PM, September 4th (Saturday)]

I'm so sorry.

A year from now she will be posting on this board looking for hugs because her SO has cheated on her multiple times.

Stay strong. He does not deserve the gift you gave him.

Oh, changed29, I am soooo sorry to hear this! You are so strong... you can do what you need to do! You may not feel like you are strong now, but I know you are. You've held your head so high... you are amazing! Big hugs, and here if you need someone! Take care of yourself and your kids!

I am so sorry changed29.

It is impossible to believe but once you appear to your spouse like you are moving on with or without him, they surprise you!! They come out strongly after you, you get scared. Hard 180 please. It is a war so it is not just about to be easy. Do not engage on affair matters and seriously start working on moving on with or without him without necessarily leaning towards being done with the marriage.

Leaning on God does wonders especially because Faith in the most high takes away the burden of hurting daily. If you are a believer, more than ever you need to practice it.

Dear Changed,

I am so sorry, I know how terribly painful it is to find the secret e-mail after being fooled into thinking he was NC.

Sending you hugs and strength. Please try your best to be good to yourself. You can get through this, my dear.

(((changed29))),

It was one of the hardest things you will ever do... Thinking of you...

((changed29))

So very sorry.

So sorry. Stay strong. They deserve each other. Wishing years of misery for them

OK. When I found that I also called his mom and had her tell him to get out of the house because I did not want him there when I got home. She did and H left. I think he went to the fire house. He kept trying to call and text. I would not answer.

He said that she had that yahoo account from when they worked together and that he didn't know she had even sent him a message. True, he hadn't read it. He said that I was making a big deal out of nothing. I said wrong! I was done. If she thought that it was ok to still contact him that that is a problem. He came home that night and slept on the couch because I had nothing to say to him.

Sunday morning I woke up to a text on my phone. You guys are in for a real treat... here it goes...

OW- I'm sorry. For the problems I caused in your marriage. I will leave him alone.

ME-How can I believe that. If u love him how can you? (NAME) we have been happy for 12 years and have 3 beautiful children. You don't know me and probably think I am crazy but I am not. I am kind, forgiving, faithful and hurt. I just don't understand all of this. I have wanted to go to your church so bad and get some kind of help but I didn't even have the heart to hurt you that bad. Stupid of me. I know I have to forgive u. I don't know.

OW-I'm a good person (my name) I hurt to. I hate everyone hurting from this

ME-I reached out in kindness when this started. I know in my heart that u didn't owe me anything. U didn't say vows in front of god to me. He did. If you only knew the pain. It hurts to think of all the things he has probably told you about me that aren't even true. I hope that you find happiness and that u make this right with God because he has carried me through a lot of this. Even my children hurt. (H's name) is not a bad person. Maybe we were just in a vulnerable place. Maybe one day I will forgive. Thank u for reaching out and I hope it is genuine.

ME- (Name) do you love him? Do you want him to leave his family for you?

OW- I am not a home wrecker.

Me- I want to know if u truly love and want him or did it just go too far? I need some truth. Truth is better than all the lies. I want closure one way or the other.

OW- Thats up to you.

ME- I want my family but I will not have 3 in it. It is time u two own ur crap and end it for good. Know that it was wrong and rise above. I know he is not going to leave me. U need to realize that he loves me more than this and our children deserve both parents. (name) if he was going to leave he already would have. That may hurt but it is the truth. He loves me and has pushed me away but he is trying to make it right. Now it is done. Do not block your number and call him anymore. Do not send him texts. I have plenty of those. It is done. I do not need you to contact me anymore unless it is to say u have met someone and I will wish u happiness.

ME- Read Matthew about affairs. Do u not know that nothing good can come of it. It is an abomination. I do not have to judge that will come from above. He that destroys himself will not sit in my presence. Psalms.

Me- Just know that I have been praying for u and my marriage. God is stronger than this and will bring us through. Maybe we crossed paths for a reason and when we get to heaven we will know why we went through these trials. It is time people practice what they preach. Actions speak louder than words. Lets say u two would end up together. He would eventually hate u and himself for losing his family. I know him better than anyone. He gave u a small part of himself and it was the weakest part that any man can give. I bet u didn't bet on it being a woman like me. Heal yourself. Pray. U will get through.

Was what I said to her appropriate? Should I have been a whole lot meanier? For those of you who think I was too soft when I talked to her on the phone I told her I hoped he could move in with her because he deserved an adultering home wrecking whore like her.... so I did have my moment of nastiness.

I woke him up and read him all of the texts. I told him that he needed to man up and be done with it once and for all because I am. I am done with it. I wash my hands of it even if it means he has to leave and I have to move on. I have taken the high road and this is the last straw. He said that he doesn't want to call or talk to her. I told him he better do what he needs to do because this one heart that I have is done giving and I will not give anymore.

So, I did not talk to him the rest of the day. The kids and I had an awesome time playing outside. We had an awesome dinner. We went and watched the fireman play softball... yes he was there. He went and got his own dinner. He came home and fell asleep on the bed so I happily watched old movies and slept on the couch. Today he mowed the grass, went to work, came home and I have yet to say anything to him. I am now at work and glad to be away. This is the final home stretch. He may not have known that she was sending him a message, but I will accept no less than nothing between the two of them. If they fail I know what I must do. Thanks for reading.

[This message edited by changed29 at 9:38 PM, September 6th (Monday)]

I think you are doing well as far as not talking to him and engaging him is concerned. Continue minding your life and your kids. It will get easier. Lately I almost don't struggle with NCing my WH yet he calls every chance he gets even to ask if I received a text from him or if so and so called and why I do not reply some of his texts etc...getting there is not easy but you will get there

As for conversation with other woman, I think you told her what you felt but as for her claiming she is sorry and a good person, I don't buy that any minute. She can say anything that is why you should push her away from your mind. Anytime you come close to thinking of her, distract yourself because you dont know her and they always collaborate with cheating spouses most of the times.

Sending strength your way

I wouldn't trust this woman AT ALL. Nada. She IS NOT a good person, I don't know how she had the audacity to say to you that she was. And her word to leave him alone cannot be trusted.

However, more importantly is how much your husband can be trusted to be telling the truth about this. How recently was the e-mail sent? Regardless of whether your husband had not answered it, she knew that you had busted her and WH and yet she STILL sent another e-mail to him? That used the word Love. And the Sshhhh part? VERY, VERY suspicious.

Your WH may not have opened it YET, but WHY did she send it if he had told her they were through? There was no pleading there from her, just Ssshhh. It smacks of conspiracy to me. This woman was not worthy of your kindness IMO. Although YOU are the bigger person for BEING kind. Mayube seeing what a loving person you are will shame her now. I sincerely hope so.

Personally, I wouldn't let your husband get away with dismissing this as 'she' sent it, I didn't open it. I'd ask him to make that NC call to her in your presence. He may not 'want' to do it, but this has now gone past that. I'd make it a requirement for his continued presence in the home.

I think your husband owes you some answers. 'I didn't know she sent it' wouldn't cut it for me. Sorry. That Ssshhh... it's the biggest Red Flag ever. He needs to go completely NC with her and to tell her that in your presence, and commit to complete transparency with you if he wants to keep you. NOW.

I feel for you, and you are in my thoughts. (((changed29)))