SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Working a 180 on someone with a personality disorder such as SA won't work.

What you need to do it kick this man out of the house.

Tell him to get into a step program and find out who he is.

It's rare when someone with SA can be healed for good.

He's always going to have these secret accounts.

I have a very close friend who's close to 50 now and he's a serious SA.

His GF is so blind to who he is.

He's been in couples therapy with her for 3 yrs and he goes to SA and you know what, he still cheats on her.

She's clueless.

It's not possible to change the character of a person.

He needs to be set free to live in his sick life.

You've spent so much energy "policing" your H, it's going to make you ill. And I mean ill,

Hugs, I know how CRAZY this life must be, but you have ALL the power to change it.

I'm so sorry....hugs for you.

What is his reaction to either breaking sobriety or never being sober? What is he doing? Obviously SA meetings alone is not working for him. Will he see a CSAT?

What do you want? Do you want to give him another chance to get into recovery? Or are you going to cut your losses and leave?

Trying2getby

It's true that some SAs never hit rock bottom and/or never seek treatment, some get sober but slip at some point. However some rSAs get sober and stay sober by working a program and/or going to counseling. My rSA just got his 4 year chip. He's worked hard for his recovery and I've worked hard on mine.

It's rare when someone with SA can be healed for good.

Not so. Statistically men who seek treatment have a very high success rate. They may not be successful on their first attempt at recovery and sobriety but the healing and success rate is high for those who get back into recovery after a false start or a slip.

There is hope if the SA genuinely wants recovery and does the work. So the bottom line here is two fold:

1. Is he serious about recovery and is he willing to do the work? See a CSAT and work a program.

2. What does the original poster want and is she willing to work her own recovery?

7

Oh, and for the record SA is NOT a personality disorder any more than alcoholism or drug abuse.

It's an emotional disorder, specifically it's an intimacy disorder and it is absolutely treatable if the addict chooses treatment and recovery.

Hugs to you, hun.

I hope you can gain some strength and clarify about what you need and want to do.

Love do

I am possibly a SA, though I have no formal diagnosis.

I came clean in January and have not been anywhere on the internet that is remotely connected to my former SA behaviour since then. The shock of realizing how low I allowed myself to go seems to have been enough to remove the impulse.

I don't assume the impulse will never come back, so I continue maintaining awareness of the problem.

This workshop was extremely helpful to me:

http://www.recoverynation.com/index.htm

I am not finished it yet, I am stuck at a difficult part halfway through- the one that requires me to think about a situation where the urge will come back...

I also believe that SA is not a personality disorder, but instead a very unhealthy way to manage stress, alleviate lonliness and negative emotions (at least, in my case)- just like drug or alcohol addiction.