SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

stbxwh is a hoarder; his mother was a hoarder; because of both of them, I throw everything away!

We lived with MIL for 11 years; after she dies, I discovered her 'hoards' in the attic and basement--every little piece of bric-a-brac. She even saved every container from flower arrangements she received over the years--the plastic ones, not vases! stbx went away by himself once a year, so when he was gone, I would go on a trashing spree, smashing all of the nick-nacks (a lot of pent up anger at MIL!) and would throw out dozens of bags of stuff. I only stopped when DS was old enough to say "Why are you breaking that stuff mommy?"

Fast forward to our move to AZ; by night, I would bag up tons of stuff to go out in the trash--MIL had 20 full sets of flatware! By day, stbx would unbag the stuff and pack it in moving boxes! We did this for a week before I started taking the stuff to my parents' house to go out in their trash. It was a nightmare.

I have to add--stbxwh still has the bloody (literal) NYPD uniform that was cut from his body when he was injured in 1986. I understand mementos, but this is ridiculous.

Do you have a digital camera? Take photos of the items you want for memories' sake. That way you have the memory without the clutter. And let's be honest, what are you going to do with that onesie? Are you ever really going to take it out and look at it again? Is any baby ever going to wear it again? Won't you be able to remember your baby's precious moments without it? You can let it go without letting go of your memories, I promise.

i admit that the one thing i did have was a lot of the kids clothes.. but... i found with baby neices and nephews it was easy to give them away... i would take bags and bags to goodwill, but those special things, first christmas dresses etc i had bags of... it was easy to give them to babies in the family though

My father, with whom I now live is to me the ultimate pack rat of all time. And he is aware of it and that it's a problem. But he still can't part with anything.

When I say "anything", I mean he does not throw out old magazines. He saves empty boxes for some things. He has in his full basement, stacked pretty much to the ceiling, boxes with everything he's ever owned, including his college papers and textbooks from 58 years ago.

The house is stacked and packed as well. And the storage room upstairs. And my mother's old bedroom. And 1/2 of the 2 car garage.

Add to that, all of my boxes from moving which occupy the dining and living rooms, and the house is more like an old warehouse than a home.

And it is 3400 sq ft.

It will take a team of workers and a 5 ton dumpster to clear this house.

I save and collect some things. But they mean something to me in that I want to display them. And I used to. I had a number of very nice curio cabinets which I put my rocks and minerals and fine scale models in.

But I hate clutter. And I have been living in cramped quarters for a long time now.

Purging and throwing away tons of shit is so therapeutic. And having to negotiate stacks of boxes while you walk up the staircase to your room gets old, fast.

-D

You don't forget someone or special events because you don't have something physical to touch from them

I've heard others say that, epsecially on shows like Clean House & I think it's complete bullshit. Physical cues were necessary for my grandmother when her Alzheimers really started to take hold. She could hold on to memories a lot longer when she actually had something to hold on to. Physical cues bring me closer to my deceased son, as well - they are often the key to memories that would not surface otherwise. So yeah, sometimes you do need physical cues to access memories.

I have a small cedar chest - momentos MUST fit in it or I don't keep it.

My rule of thumb is: if you haven't used it in a year, it leaves the house. (garage sale, donation, sell at Ebay, etc.)

I don't "do well" in clutter.

I agree with beadmaggie.

We DO need physical reminders to help retain memory. Memories FADE. A photo, a special something, are essential. They key is to not save *everything*, but to save a few things that are precious and hold the ability to refresh our recollections.

-D

we keep a container for each kid that has a lot of their "firsts" and special momentos from their child hood. when they grow up and settle, they get to take them (and store them in their own dusty basement ).

Edited to add: I have also saved in a special file every single birthday or Mother's Day card they ever gave me.

When my son had his first child, I sent him his "nuggie", the special blanket he carted around for years.

I still have my daughter's knitted blanket she wore coming home from the hospital, special stories they both wrote, gifts they made me (a sweater that says YOU ARE MY POT OF GOLD, MUMMY, and a hammered copper plaque I LOVE MY MUM), daughter's first ballet tutu. I know I'm crazy, but I'm not generally a hoarder--I do the If it hasn't been used in a year,out it goes trick). I'm sentimental about sentimental things, not old food containers and newspapers (unless of course they feature my son on his first day of school).

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 10:41 AM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

My mother did not save any of my old clothes for me, my first blanket, or my first onsie. Nope, none of it. I can honestly say, I am not remotely bothered by that at all. Photos (which are now all scanned electronically) have far more value to me.

ETA: Practically *everything* can have sentimental value, but if you leave it in an old box, how much value does it have? Boxes of 'stuff' don't celebrate the memory. I don't need my old report cards, or that essay I wrote that got an A+ to remember school. If it's that important, turn those things into a scrap book or something.

I know people who have stuff that they literally haven't seen in 20+ years yet claim that they can't get rid of it for 'sentimental' reasons. It can't have that much sentiment of you never look at it.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 11:15 AM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

Photographs are probably the greatest memory triggers there are. Second only to smells.

That is why I caution people to never destroy their photo albums in a moment of rage or hurt or anger.

-Defiance

I know people who have stuff that they literally haven't seen in 20+ years yet claim that they can't get rid of it for 'sentimental' reasons. It can't have that much sentiment of you never look at it.

That's just it, though. I DO look at them. My MUMMY shirt hangs in my closet where I see it every day. The copper plaque is on the wall of my kitchen. The cards are in my file drawer and I look at them at least once or twice a year when I add the new cards. I'm strange like that! My house is not cluttered. I'm a less is more person, but for those sentimental things, more is more.

My ex-mil is a hoarder. She once gave me all of exh's baby teeth and told me she thought they would make a pretty necklace but never got around to it. OMG, how insane is that?

As soon as she left, I trashed them.

I suck at hoarding.

I try to hold on to things...because I am "supposed to" I mean these are all important things. Baby teeth, drawings, quarterly reports, stuff that was somehow important to someone somewhere somehow.

Then I get all twitterpated and throw it ALL away.

Then all of a sudden, years later, I need it for something. What the hell is that??

I think its binge and purge.

Love the stuff, hate the stuff), chuck the stuff, regret chucking the stuff, Talk myself out of regretting the chucking, reinforce my love for the fact that I chucked the stuff, and then defend the act of chucking it.

I am quite possibly certifiable!

That...or I should just be a minimalist.

After reading the various posts here, I have to agree with beadmaggie.

Its very comforting to actually have some of my deceased son's things close by...because life can be very short & swift.