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I was wondering how guys feel about women asking them out for coffee and such. There is a guy I like-alot- and I was thinking, he knows what I am going through and maybe he thinks I do not want to start anything right now. Soooo, my friend suggested asking him out. I'm feeling ill just thinking about it- I don't know how you guys do it! Thoughts?

All i can say is you never know until you try.

We do it all the time. Sometimes we get rejected and sometimes we get a date. Sometimes the date is good, sometimes not. Life is short and there is nothing wrong with asking. He may be interested and afraid himself. Give it a shot, the worst he can do is say no but i'm sure he would be very nice about it.

Guys have told me that they like it. I'm kind of reserved in real life situations, but for some reason I have to be forward with a man or nothing happens. It's like some of them need a little push. Sometimes there is no other way, but you'll never know.

Go for it!!!

Don't look at it as a date, look at it as having coffee with a new friend.

I don't know how you guys do it

Just ask him out. If he says no, it doesn't change who you are.

I've done it a time or two.

Go for it!

I wouldn't ask a guy out. If he wants to be with you bad enough, he will ask YOU.

I've never met a guy who wouldn't jump at the chance to ask a woman out if he really want to.

Anything less to me seems... like maybe he's not interested enough.

Just my opinion, though.

The other option is to clearly let him know that you would like him to ask you out, and then see what he does.

How can you let him know you're interested?

How can you let him know you're interested?

Ummmm... tell him??

-t2g

PS - I think asking a guy out you are interested in is great! Go for it!

What's wrong with asking him out? I say do it. He may be very interested. You never know till you ask.

Thanks. I am going to give him a Thank You note w/ some cake for something he did for me and the kids. I figure that'll open a door and I'll see what happens and take it from there.

That sounds great.

Of course there's nothing wrong with asking guys out. In my youth I did it. In my senior years I prefer to let a guy know I'm interested and see how he responds.

When I did the asking in the past I ended up with passive men who later resented my leadership. (I'm not saying that everytime a woman asks a guy out it's doomed to work out this way - just my history) I can be a very take-charge person and in relationships it gets me into situations I don't really want to be. So, I now I take a different approach right from the beginning. I simply let someone know I'd be happy if they asked me out.

Not all guys are like this. But I changed my behavior to help me be in receptive mode and it feels better. I save my take-charge leadership self for running my business. When I date I want to relax.

Anyway, long ramble on your thread. Sounds like you've got it together. Have fun!

I've been asked out by women. Sometimes it's been very directly and other times it's been in a very indirect way, something like, "We should get some coffee sometime," which lets me they're interested, and then I sort of take the lead and say, "How about tomorrow?"

You might try that approach. It sucks putting yourself out there, but we men do it all the time. The worst thing that can happen is he say "No." And if he says "No," believe me, you'll get over it.

[This message edited by Bulldozer at 10:27 AM, September 8th (Wednesday)]

since it's been 30 years since I dated... how do you let a guy "know your interested"

Well, you smile, look nice, and say, 'I'd enjoy talking to you more about xyz sometime." Or, you could add that to your thank you note. ie. Thanks for the thing you did for my kids. It would be fun for me to enjoy some adult conversation with you over coffee some time.

It's still putting yourself out there. You still have to be brave. Then if he doesn;t pick up on that, he's not ready to date, or he is not interested in you for whatever reason and that's fine.

One thing to remember, unless it is direct us guys don't "get" things very well. We don't always pick up on little signals. So you may want to be a little more direct. We can't help it, it's the Mars thing

i think i like guys who like to chase a little. so i leave the door open, i make sure the signals are pretty clear. but he's got to ask me out. period.

i've done the asking. and it never ends up well for me

thats the word 944man.

To a guy a 12'x12' flag is a small signal.

Some guys are not good at 'reading' the signals a women sends. Some women are not good at 'sending' the right signals.

If he is shy, he may be less inclined to make the first move until your waving that 12x12 in his face. and then hell agonise over it for weeks.

if you really like him then ask him.... as someones already said lifes to short

Thank you so much. I have been told that back in the day, guys did not realize I liked them and I thought I was being so obvious!

I am pretty shy though, can't I just add to the note, something about having coffee? I hate this!

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking...and I would really have no problems asking someone, but, I prefer to send signals and let him ask, because I need a guy that can be somewhat assertive or aggressive.

I have sent pretty strong signals though, when I am interested!

In your situation, how often do you see this guy and interact with him? Me personally, I would talk to him a bit, decide if there was some interest, then open the door for him. The way I have opened doors before depends on the particular situation, and includes things like

at a party, I went up to my future H, took his hat off his head and stuck it on mine, and sat on his lap. He got my phone number and called me.

2nd H, I went over to his friend, told his friend I thought his friend (my future H) was cute, and he came over and asked for my phone number.

WS - a mutual friend came by to tell me he thought I was beautiful, so I told friend to have him come and talk to me. He did, got my number and asked me out.

One guy, I just smiled at him a lot. A lot. Flirty. And made eyes at him. He asked for my number.

One guy, we were talking, he seemed interested, so I worked into the conversation that my "EX husband" was this or that, but was sure to mention EX....he asked what types of things I liked to do, we went out.

And on again/off again SO, we talked and flirted a while, he asked me out, I actually stood him up

so a little while later, when I decided I DID want to go out with him, I told him he needed to take me dancing. He did.

I figure if I give the signal, if he doesn't pick up and run with it, he isn't going to be what I am looking for. But that is me. I doubt most people are looking for the same things I am, so if he seems a bit shy, and you like him, I think many guys are flattered when the girl asks them out, but I also think it is good to make an easy out....such as....Would you like to get coffee sometime? Then he can say yeah, sure, whatever, and you can say...."well, let me know when you have some time available." That way you leave it with him to decide if he really wants to, and he will pick it up and finish the arrangements if interested.