SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Integrity: Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.

You have it or you don’t.

Personal Integrity: If you’ve defined yourself by your past, and blended it into who you see in the mirror now, I can understand why you’d believe you’ll never have full integrity as a WS. Because you are rebuilding, you just can’t let the past disappear... you need to fully come to terms with it before moving on. Hopefully over time and with closure of your past, you’ll see less and less of that lost integrity and will be able to define yourself as you truly are now. Integrity can be regained, but you first have to heal, understand how you lost it, and be able to close that door.

Now there is also how other’s define your integrity like your BS. This is their perspective and all you can do is influence it through observable actions. Also keep in mind that they apply their own moral and ethical codes to you (which may even be stricter than they apply to themselves). The actions of the A shattered their perspective of who you are and redefined who you are in their eyes. It will take lots of time and developing/rebuilding a new history to restore their perspective. So if you define your personal integrity by what you see reflected in their eyes, you may also have a tough time believing you are a person of integrity. They have to heal and come to terms with you before you might see the reflection you want; You may never completely see it restored if they will always see a fWS instead of just a spouse............