SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just wanted to add that I endured sexual molestation as a child by a trusted adult, when I was around 13 I walked into the house to find my mom trying to slit her wrists, and I was date raped as an adult by someone I trusted, and for me, the infidelity is by far the worst trauma. It is trauma to the soul.

My husband knew of these experiences, and more, and knew he was the only one I felt ever really loved me.

Infidelity and everything that comes from it attacks the core of who we are as a person.

Absolutely spot on.

In many way we are comparing different fruits here.

Is this as bad as that? Is that other thing worse than this?

Most likely this depends on the person. Each person experiences life differently. From birth we are different people. And so various trauma impacts us variously.

I have not been raped. But 2 of me brothers were murdered. 1 of which I was standing near to when he was gunned down. I held him as he gurgled and died. That affected me for many years.

But me brothers are dead and gone. They have moved on to a better place. And while I miss them. Dearly at times. Their deaths do not effect me in a bad way any more.

By way of comparison. Infidelity is like living with a corpse. Sort of. Me brothers I can put to rest in me mind. That can be resolved and flat for me. Me WW cheating is not resolved for me. Mostly because she refuse to come clean with every thing initially and now claims *memory loss*. It is not resolved. It is not flat in me mind.

And me brothers did not violate me. They die in a horrible manner. Bloody and awful. But they did not do this deliberately to me. They did not violate our love for each other by being murdered. They did not betray me.

So you see this is such a different fruit than infidelity that the 2 cant be compared in a meaningful way.

Both experiences were awful. But infidelity scarred me much deeper. It was a *narcissistic wound*. A wound to me very soul.

Razor

[This message edited by Razor at 10:17 AM, September 21st (Tuesday)]

Trauma...ummm, yeah. The attack on me and to my personal information to someone else and also to family members was what caused pain, pain unlike anything else. I have lived thru childhood sexual abuse, my mothers death at 17, they were all traumas, painful and horrible and still mark me to this day.

For me, the mind movies and the sex part I have gotten over (but again, who knows?!) but the betrayal, the attack of me and giving out very personal intimate information, or his version of it? That one is much worse.

Me too..........molested at the age of 6 by a male cousin. I lived with that for over 30 years before I was able to tell my parents. The trauma of my H having an affair after he knew that I have problems with trust is the worse than the 30 years of pain I endured because of my abuse. I live with my molester now...... my H! He violated my trust in him and I fear I will never get that back. For my circumstance the trauma from the molestation is minimal compared to the trauma I have endured from someone I had given complete trust , devotion and pure love to. Sad that someone you love can crush your soul without even blinking.

Whether it is infidelity or CSA, betrayal by a trusted, loved one, does serious damage to the soul, if not killing it completely.

I can see how those who have had to endure both, rank the infidelity worse than sexual abuse. Trusting someone with the pain of your CSA is like lying down in front of someone with a bleeding, gaping, wound. You are trusting this other person to not do more damage, and when they do, with the full knowledge that you have made yourself vulnerable by exposing your wounds to them, must be utterly crushing.

Peace to all and am very sorry for your pain.

U2 Lyrics - One

Is it getting better

Or do you feel the same

Will it make it easier on you now

You got someone to blame

You say...

One love

One life

When it's one need

In the night

One love

We get to share it

Leaves you baby if you

Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you

Or leave a bad taste in your mouth

You act like you never had love

And you want me to go without

Well it's...

Too late

Tonight

To drag the past out into the light

We're one, but we're not the same

We get to

Carry each other

Carry each other

One...

Have you come here for forgiveness

Have you come to raise the dead

Have you come here to play Jesus

To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much

More than a lot

You gave me nothing

Now it's all I got

We're one

But we're not the same

Well we

Hurt each other

Then we do it again

You say

Love is a temple

Love a higher law

Love is a temple

Love the higher law

You ask me to enter

But then you make me crawl

And I can't be holding on

To what you got

When all you got is hurt

One love

One blood

One life

You got to do what you should

One life

With each other

Sisters

Brothers

One life

But we're not the same

We get to

Carry each other

Carry each other

One...life

One

As with all trauma,

the pain will fade with time, but never fully resolve.

We all have permanent scars.

As with all trauma,

the pain will fade with time, but never fully resolve.

We all have permanent scars.

I so agree. I know with or without my marraige I will survive this but I will never be the same. The blind trust and faith I had in him and in people will never be ever again.

Infidelity is the murder of our soul - the belief that we are worthwhile and truly loved.

I don't think the damage can ever be repaired.

With infidelity, YOU are traumatized. I, also, have read where other BSs say that rape and the death of a spouse - were less painful than infidelity. It is like your life has been violated, assaulted... stolen by the ONE PERSON that promised to love you and protect you. I can't begin to find words to discripe that feeling.

I have gone through some very seriously painful stuff in my life (the lost of a child), but nothing, absolutely NOTHING can compare with the pain of my H's infidelity.

And, the gift my H has left me with... those mental movies of my H and four of the OW (whom I knew)... those mental pictures are like mentally being rape over and over... they will pop up at anytime out of the blue. YES, it is so sad that most WS never really get that.

[This message edited by Bobbie at 7:46 AM, September 26th (Sunday)]

On the sexual assault survivor board, they overwhelmingly rank infidelity as "less traumatic" than rape or child sexual abuse. Some sexual assault victims cannot get to the stage of a relationship where infidelity would be possible - presumably, if one recovered enough from sexual assault to engage in a romantic relationship, one would find infidelity the more painful trauma.

I am a rape survivor, and also a survivor of extreme childhood sex abuse, starting at age 6. I developed a dissociative disorder from it all when I was 12 years old. This is my second marriage. My first H was abusive. My second H committed infidelity.

Nothing I have ever endured compares to the pain of infidelity. Absolutely nothing.

In the first weeks after my D-day and after he moved out, my x would come to the house to see the kids or to take care of bills.

TMI- I would find myself unable to pee while he was in the house because I couldn't pull my pants down without shaking. The exposure feeling was horrible. I felt so vulnerable to his judgements about me that I didn't even want to be naked with him in somewhere else in the house.

And for months afterward I cried every time I took a shower because the vulnerability of being naked- even alone in the house- was traumatic. I would shower as fast I could and cry the whole time because I was so humiliated at being naked.

Violated is a good word. It was pretty awful.

I recently read the story of a woman who was raped when she was a teenager and she said her husband’s affair was more traumatic than being raped.

I was drugged and raped by a friend of the family when I was 17, and I'm a CSA survivor. And, yes, FWH's betrayal was worse than that experience. I've always had trouble getting close to people and really opening up, and I trusted FWH completely. He knew how painful the experiences of the rape and the abuse were (I have gone through a great deal of therapy with him by my side), and he did this anyway. Abuse robs you of the ability to trust. It robs you of your sense of safety in the world. FWH's did this too, but the difference was that the pain of the A was inflicted by the one person I never thought would hurt me so deeply.

I have never experienced such deep devastating emotional pain in my life. I know I am a changed person.

I'm a CSA survivor and always had major trust issues because of it. My FWH stood by my side while I went to treatment THREE times to work through the CSA and trust problems.

It was then that I was able to finally trust someone...him.

Then...he started cheating on me.

I cannot even begin to describe what his A did to my soul... it's like a nuclear explosion vaporized everything inside of me, leaving a huge empty shell of a person that has once again learned...

don't trust no one.

All you can do is move on in a way no matter what happens.

And it is brutal.

As a result of my WW LTA and all the BS (paternity tests included) I have a period of my life I cannot refer too.

Any mention of the last 10 years is tainted for me. It sucks I do not even like to discuss my childrens birth.

But in the end no matter what WW does I have to pick up and move on. Life is too short.

But FUCK I wish this shit would leave my mind. I wonder if it ever does?

I just wanted to wish everyone peace in this thread. It made me cry.

I think my WS affair broke me. I am a CSA incest survivor. It was my mother's father and she has never been able to be there for me since the truth about what happened to me came out when I was 6. My brother was killed in a car accident when I was in my early 20's and my mother told me she wished it had been me instead.

I trusted my husband with all of this. He betrayed me too.

I don't trust anything or anyone.

I have three kids that I don't feel I can take care of because I feel too broken. I am in IC trauma counseling but I'm not sure if it will be enough. I'm hanging on by a thread.

I too am a survivor of CSA and then raped at the age of 13.

My stbxh knew all of this and supported me through the traumatic effects of it when I had a mental breakdown at age 22.

His repeated infidelity and false R is by far more traumatic. If not for having my children, I would have killed myself.

In his court papers he made reference to my sexual abuse and said that it contributed to the marriage breakdown as I had intimacy issues. I had successfully overcome my issues through a lot of therapy and self help more than 15 years ago. I trusted him fully.

Nice guy......first he stabbed me in the heart and then in the back. My chikdhood sexual abuse is now part of the public record.