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File now. You can always stop the process if she comes to her senses, but right now you need to apply steady, increasing pressure. You filing and the letter to the other BS combined may have some impact. Keep the pressure up. Ratchet it as high as you can.

Keep up the 180 but don't forget that you do the 180 to make you stronger... not to manipulate her behavior.

My heart goes out to your special needs son. Keeping him in my prayers. May the good Lord shield him from the pain of his mother's irresponsibility.

Second, when we are dealing with traumas like this, sometime we cannot think clear and don't find the strength to do what we know will work for us. Such times you can just blind yourself and follow the advise of those who've been there done that. Please don't go see her family. You are giving her power. Take that power back, be unpredictable, be happy (fake it till you make it), love your kids, take care of them, spend time working and on SI, look good...It is just a matter of time. You will come out stronger.

Sorry. I went to the family dinner. And I loved it. shoot, I miss her so much. she hugged me hard there.

shoot. I am losing my mind. I missed an important appointment yesterday.

and I sold a huge show, and I can't even celebrate, leverage it. all I can think about is this.

heading to shrink for kid now. psychopharm for me at 1.

I don't want to take the drugs. but I am miserable. miserable.

she flew to hotel with OM a couple of days after my father's funeral. she texted him from my father's shiva that, "She would try to get away early," from the shiva.

she said my grieving ,and cleaning up the house was a "reign of terror." it goes on and on.

hashem, help me. I am losing it.

She is not doing a 180 back as a reaction or tactic, she is being her normal selfish self. That really is what the 180 is about, doing stuff for yourself and not caring what your spouse thinks about it.

It is very important to understand in cases like this that the 180 is about strengthening yourself and detaching from her. If you expect a 180 to change the WS, then I should warn you that often a WS enjoys being 180'd, as it frees them up to do what they are going to do anyway without any arguments or questioning from the betrayed.

[This message edited by aesir at 10:48 AM, February 11th (Friday)]

Prority #1, Take care of your son's needs. Obviously his mother doesn't give a rat's ass, only concerned with herself.

#2 FILE! If adultery is grounds where you live the get it all in the filing...everything you know.

Just stand back and let her self destruct. She's already gone. Hope I'm wrong but I don't see R in your situation.

Stay strong! Sounds like you knew some of her background before you married. I'm sorry but that should have told you something.

Good Luck, sounds like you'll need it.

but c-hold: she just wrote the letter. no? I gave her a hug for that and talked to her about her sexual addiction.

bad? am i still a fool? I felt good for a second there. fool's gold?

Do you mean a NC letter? If so... to which one?

She has to WANT to R. You need to see genuine remorse. Not just regret for having been busted. Seems like she's just going through the motions. hope I'm wrong.

You need to do what you feel is working for you. I can tell you that yes me and my H and reconciling but, It wasn't until I told him I was divorcing him and meant it that he took me serious. I made alot of the same mistakes that you are making by doing things with him/whatever he wanted and I look back and think WOW I acted like a needy woman.