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annb ( member #22386) posted at 2:03 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Six years out....I just had a nightmare about WH/OW last night.
I am just beginning to feel a bit like my old self, but in reality, I will never ever be the same.
It takes years, YEARS, to move THROUGH this.
21 days, 
imagoodman2 ( member #22353) posted at 3:49 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Do not become what you despise!!!
The only thing I have to lose is a dysfunctional marriage and a lying cheating spouse.
Other than that Mrs Lincoln, how did you like the play?
simply broken ( member #30227) posted at 3:59 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
i was such a mess 21 days after and less that i DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HOW I GOT THROUGH THEM!
over a year out.no.if she broke her hip would she be expected to heal on command?a time limit?i think not.she broke it.tell her you'll let her know when you're ok, but until then, accept the aftermath and destruction of her actions.
me-24
him-25
d-day--feb 20th 2010-feb 27th 2010, and more in july 2010.
3 beautiful children.not sure where to go or what to do.
*straight jacket feeling*
"etched with marks, but i can deal, and you're the problem and you can't feel"
persevere ( member #31468) posted at 4:04 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Considering that our divorce will be finished in light speed - within 75 days of DDay - this is an interesting question. But NO, I believe I (and he as well) still have emotional issues to deal with beyond that window.
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
Feb 8, 2011 (original poster member #31137) posted at 10:02 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Now that this thread has been ressurected (after 43 dyas), I want to point out to newer members or those reading it for the first time that the question was asked (dripping in sarcasm) as an outlet from a very frustrated BS (me), in disbelief that his WW could actually be so impatient.
D-Day see username
and maybe March 11, 11
ME: 45 yr old BH
Her: 40 yr old WW
3 kids
married 11 years
Who is this woman in my house?!
worriedNow ( member #29320) posted at 11:13 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Used Again ( member #16567) posted at 11:21 AM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
I've been dealing with my WW's multiple affairs for over 20 years. I don't think I'll ever get over being the last choice. You have to live one day at a time and determine what your life goals are and act accordingly.
My wife has friends in low places.
stillnpain ( member #21580) posted at 1:55 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
ME - BS
HER - WS
DDAY- NOV 07
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 1:59 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Is she on crack?
Seven months out from D-Day (C Day?) for a stupid drunken sexual encounter and I'm mostly ok but still struggle sometimes.
I get that you were venting but I kind of hope she reads this. And I hope she's seen the error of her thinking!
Mainely_sad ( member #29804) posted at 2:18 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
At 21 days I was still having trouble getting out of bed in the morning and thought I was doing well if I could make it to breakfast without bursting in to tears.
Me: 42
FWH: 49 (Bipolar tendencies)
Married: 20 years (together for 22)
MOW: (3 kids under 5): 35
EA: 8 months
DD: 9/1/10
Current State: Reconciliation going well :)
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Nietzsche
rivenheart ( member #13838) posted at 4:15 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Is that a serious question? What the hell is she smoking?
The answer to that would be: hell to the NO.
rivenheart ~ heartriven
Me: BW, 36 at d-day; WH, 40
down4now ( member #23635) posted at 4:24 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
2 years out...I wish I was, but sorry, not yet.
BS (me) 44
WS (him)45
Married 21yrs, Together 25 yrs
Children boy 14, girl 19
D-Day(s)26th Feb, 1st March, 12th March 2009
5 Month EA/PA
OW: 52,former friend.
NC 4th March 09. Broken by OW 13th Aug, 20th Nov
On the road to R
andyd1950 ( member #20018) posted at 4:28 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
It's been over 20 YEARS since my WW's A.
I still get "mind movies" and I doubt I'll ever really trust or respect her again.
BS (me) - 61
fWW (her)- 57
Married 39 years March 17,2012
Forgiving, that's easy.
Trusting again, that's hard.
Forgetting, impossible!
"When you take things for granted, the things you are granted get taken away."~ RevRun.
stretch13 ( member #26894) posted at 4:30 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
absurd question to point of being rhetorical...or, if genuine, coming from a delusional mind.
i lost the whole first year practically...a long, painful, blurry mess that felt like razorblades in my eyes and carried unwanted visions like a bad peyote trip.
15 months out and i'm not myself and feel like a basket case. other people think i'm doing well and moving on, but i know i have a long way to go and that this fundamentally changed my life.
http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/
http://hardheadpress.com/
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
stretch13 ( member #26894) posted at 4:41 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
in "A-recovery," 21 days is about equivalent to the window of time between getting shot and realizing you've been injured....(split second? maybe 2-3?)
...then you realize it was a bullet...then you realize it's probably bad...then you start looking around where it came from, then you wonder if you are dreaming, then you look past your mate standing in front of you with a gun, and your still saying "what the fuck just happened? did you see where that came from?" then you look behind you a few times, turn around again, get some focus back on your mate and it's "omg you have a gun!!!!"
so by then, IRL, a year has passed...and the ambulance hasn't even arrived yet.
http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/
http://hardheadpress.com/
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
3 is a crowd ( member #23065) posted at 4:45 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
NO, I was still in shock.
I do hope that your WW takes some time to read posts from the JFO forum so that she can fully realize the trauma and shock that the betrayed person goes through. It is a long healing process. Longer for some than others.
I am 26 mos out and my FWH behavior stills haunts me.
There will ALWAYS be triggers. There will ALWAYS be moments of anxiety. There isn't a day that goes by that my mind dosn't wander back to what he did to us and the pain he inflicted.
If your WW believes that any betrayed person could possibly just "get over it" in 21 days she is very mistaken.
3
Me BS 56
Him FWS 54
Married 17 yr
D-days were numerous
After approx 7 years of therapy my husband made his disclosure. I'm sure there will be more. Ugh.......please do not judge.
TXMommy ( member #28857) posted at 4:52 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Huge no, 10 months post d-day.
21 days? Whatever! I'm not sure I'll be ok after 21 months!
ETA: Is your wife still insisting you should be over this?
[This message edited by TXMommy at 10:55 AM, March 23rd (Wednesday)]
ME - BS - 38
WH - 34
15 years...
2 kids: D13, S7
D-Day: June 10th, 2010
forever faithful ( member #29621) posted at 4:53 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
8 mths since DD. We are in the process of R but....forgiving yes, forgetting NEVER!!!! 
So painful ( member #18167) posted at 5:19 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Three year's since dday and the answer is still NO.
I've just become a little more immune to the pain, that's all.
Anyone who believes a person should be able to "get over" this kind of betrayal in 21 days is a wishful thinking fool.
Me: BS - 57
Him: WH - 59
Status: Uncertain
EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 5:33 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Another vote for no (surprise).
We are D...but it still gets to me if I let myself think about it.
Ironically, I just had another DD (he has been gone for a year)....just found out we was also sleeping with the lady who lived behind us. Ever feel like everyone knows but you?????
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