SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Kessel,

You'd be better off without your WW. She's already said that she's only staying because of your daughter.

That's no way to live your life.

And think of what it's teaching her. That it's ok to cheat on your SO.

Do you want her to grow up and be like her mother?

As someone said earlier, she does not automatically get the child since she is the Mom. Go for joint custody. Also remember that in a year or two the child will be in school during the day. If you work and she does not, go for weekends and one night during the week. Once she is in school you will see her the most. DO not agree to all of this in fear.

Kessel

I am so sorry. I know you do NOT want to read this post, but you have to. Honestly.

#1. You cannot win this being nice. Being nice has gotten you screwed. Being nice has lost you your wife. Being nice only HURTS you. I am sorry. I know you think that you have to give in to her. YOU DO NOT. That needs repeating. YOU DO NOT.

Read about and implement the 180. Quit being nice and accomodating. Detachment from your wife is the only way to REGAIN YOURSELF.

#2. You have to accept that your marriage is dead. You have to accept that your wife is gone. All this holding on you are doing is killing you. I know you will think you are different. I know you think you can reason with your wife. She is good person. She will listen.

Newsflash - she wouldn't care if you were bleeding out right in front of her right now. And nothing you can say or do will make her care.

ALL YOU CAN DO IS MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

#3. GET YOURSELF TO A LAWYER TO PROTECT YOUR RIGHTS. Knowledge is power and you need some power brother. See what it will cost you in terms of $ and custody time.

QUIT ACCEPTING THE STATUS QUO. It is killing you. But you seem more than willing to do it. Why????

Thank you to everyone for all the comments, some of which I already knew and some I didn't want to accept. I gained a lot of strength from them and on my way home felt I had to push on the NC item. I did this and the reaction from my WS sums everything up, she won't stop seeing him as a friend as she still feels she loves him and she doesn't want to be with me. I'm still full of all the same emotions as before but now I feel that I owe it to myself and my Daughter to my happy and that there is no future with my WS. I've read the 180 and will start to do some of the things in there, I'm going to plan nights out with my mates and work have offered my a chance to watch a international rugby game this weekend which I accepted. I'm going to ring the Solicitors today just to register which them, they are the only ones in our town which means she'll have to find somewhere else. This is something that I never thought would happen to me and it is so scary but I'm not going to rush off and leave straight away and I'm prepared for it to take as long as it takes. We still have 2 big trips planned as a family before the Autumn which are very special to my Daughter so I don't feel I can miss those. This will give my time to sort out all the legal stuff that's going to be involved and I'm going to ask for joint custodial care. But in the meantime I'm going to try and focus on what is important, my and me child and try put to the back of my mind what my WS has been to our family. Thanks again for all you support I never realised that people could be so kind. I'm sure I will still have my high and low points and I'm going to arrange to see a IC so I can sort out my feelings because I'm sure as hell my WS isn't going to screw my future.

Hi Kessel - I'm getting the impression you might be in the UK?

If so, the terms are different here - it's joint residence (for example) and quite common for parents to have such an order.