SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m the obsessive type, and its definitely worsened since the Affair.

One of the questions I can’t stop asking myself is why would she do this to me? Its on my mind all the time and its one of the question I can’t answer and don’t think I will; but I continue to ask myself all the time.

The best advice I can give is that you are really young. DON'T GET HER PREGNANT.

Hurt… I don’t know if you will ever get an answer that helps you with the why. Sometimes things happen in life that don’t make any sense and it doesn’t matter how long we analyze or study it; the darn thing will just never make sense. Like when someone goes and shoots of a preschool or something tragic happens that just feels so cosmically wrong. I had a friend that died in child birth a few years back. I was a mess at her funeral because everything about it just felt so incredibly wrong; so unnatural. And that’s how this wound feels to me; unnatural; unspiritual; and just so universally wrong. Whether I stay or divorce his sorry ass I am forever changed by this. Nothing in my life will ever be the same. I will forever and always see the world as an ugly place where the people who claim to love me the most are the ones that hurt me the most. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t and he gave me this to me. While I was busy working fulltime as a software engineer in a career dominated by men, taking care of an autistic child who required copious amounts of therapies and doctor’s visits and an infant I was still nursing and still getting up with at night and I didn’t have time to cater to his every want and whim this was my reward. He took the one person I trusted with my children aside from his mother and my sister and he banged her for two years in my bed, in my home, while my babies sat downstairs unwatched and uncared for! He left an 18 month old and a 4 year old autistic boy unattended to bang his cousin’s wife. How can I believe he’s good father? I get to live wondering if this will happen again. I get to live with the fear he could give me an STD or get another woman pregnant. Honestly I question the paternatiy of nanny’s baby which is due anytime now. I have the word of two convicted liars that it’s not his baby…oh how that makes me feel so much better! His words say he’s sorry but his actions leave me wondering if he has what it takes to fix this. I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is if I was 22 years old, with no kids, and no major financial obligations like massive credit card debt, a mortgage that is 130K upside down or children to depend on me to make the hard choice that benefits them at the sacrifice of my pride and my self esteem would I still be here? Hell f-ing no! All that bastard would have seen of my sweet, smoking 22 year old ass would be a dust trail… which by the way at 22 it was sooooo smoking! If I could ever get back to that he would have reason to worry! You deserve so much more than this shit sandwich your wife has handed you to gobble up. Think long and hard before you take a big bite and say yummy!

Honestly this sounds a lot like date rape to me. You say your wife has some acting out behaviors which are heightened when she drinks alcohol. To me, it sounds like she was in a very vulnerable position. Just as much as the alcohol made you not care and get off the couch, it sounds like the alcohol made her not care either.

She comments favourable on the AP's "attributes", calls it the best sex she's had, and has another grope later in the stairs? Funny kind of rape!

I don't think she was that drunk. The whole thing sounds like a set up to me. A set up to get you drunk so they could go play!

I have an insatiable anger for Friend A. I really want to kick his ass, but I don't want a felony for assault… im trying to get into Medical School. His 140lbs, Im 220, I could sit on his face and kill him.

Focus on medical school. If it helps, just think of how much less evidence you could leave after learning to be a doctor. You could even be the one to write his death certificate.

**Note to law enforcement -- I am fully aware that medical school takes a long time, people mature, and tempers cool.

My wife threw up in the bathroom and laid down next to me on the couch. Soon after, Friend A who was intent on getting bottle service and who appeared to be awfully sober, picked my wife up and carried her into out bedroom. There was never any type of attraction between the two in the history of our friendship as far as I could tell.

Your wife was so drunk that she threw-up and then she laid down next to YOU!

Again, I have reread your entire statement and it doesn't sound like an event that she sought out. People who are raped or sexually molested may say all sorts of contradictory things. Just because she didn't scream and fight doesn't mean it wasn't a sexual assault. I have worked with young homeless girls who have been raped and have listened to them try to rewrite it that the 30 + year old guy is their boyfriend or really cares about them. Sexual assault is unique in that parts of it can feel good and so the survivor of the aasault may feel complict.

If your wife threw-up it strongly suggests she was heavily intoxicated and may still have been intoxicated the next morning when the groping happened.

Your wife needs help. She needs some IC for her acting out behavior. And some serious IC to find out why she wants to hurt you in such a primary way.

Good luck to both of you.