Newest Member: loyaltylost

Just Found Out :
Before You Say Reconcile...

Topic is Sleeping.
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 4:31 AM on Sunday, September 4th, 2011

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5419756
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5423415
target

2yrs+recovering ( member #31582) posted at 5:51 PM on Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

These guidelines are the best thing for JFO.

Everyone knows what they need but when you JFO it can be so hard to think.

WS need to be in for the long haul,

BS (me)60 FWH 72
Married 35 years
4 children and 3 grandchildren
5 yrs into R.
Now that he has changed and become the man he should have been all along, why should I start over?

posts: 563   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2011   ·   location: New Jersey
id 5424790
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lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 3:08 PM on Friday, September 9th, 2011

Bump

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 5428179
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 8:41 PM on Monday, September 12th, 2011

bumpety bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5432573
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 5:42 PM on Thursday, September 15th, 2011

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5438141
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 6:00 PM on Monday, September 19th, 2011

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5443897
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crickett ( new member #33393) posted at 12:21 AM on Tuesday, September 20th, 2011

[This message edited by crickett at 3:30 PM, September 22nd (Thursday)]

me 55
WH 57
We have two grown children

posts: 46   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2011
id 5444585
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Will-I-Ever-Know ( member #32703) posted at 6:10 AM on Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

bump

Me BS: 26
Him FWH: 28
Together: 6 years

DDay #1 June 2010
Full blown 6 month long PA: OW was his 2nd Girlfriend.
Many DDays & TT for the rest of this year!
In R. :)

WARNING: I am long-winded. Sorry in advance. :)

posts: 159   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2011
id 5448459
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 3:14 PM on Friday, September 23rd, 2011

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5450466
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 2:41 PM on Friday, September 30th, 2011

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5462217
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sudra ( member #30143) posted at 12:24 AM on Monday, October 3rd, 2011

bump

Me (BW) (58), Him(SAWH) (61)
Married 24 years, 1 son (22), 1 stepdaughter (30)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

posts: 1874   ·   registered: Nov. 17th, 2010
id 5465777
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 2:53 AM on Friday, October 7th, 2011

bump

posts: 11293   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5472738
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runsmiley ( member #33572) posted at 8:24 AM on Monday, October 10th, 2011

thanks for posting this. I'm still trying to fuddle through the details, and it seems like WS is falling into the rugsweeping category :(

posts: 76   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2011   ·   location: PA
id 5477179
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PlainsGirl29 ( member #33520) posted at 2:56 PM on Monday, October 10th, 2011

What if wh is rugsweeping but has ended contact with ow, does that mean there could just be a break in the A, or that an A with so3one else is likely in the future? I am full on in limbo and hate it.

posts: 1146   ·   registered: Oct. 4th, 2011
id 5477405
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still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:46 AM on Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

Plainsgirl, have you read the post 20/20 Hindsight? I'll bump it for you now. It might help answer your question. But basically rugsweeping doesn't help with reconciliation. Stopping the A is only the beginning, not the solution, of healing a relationship from the damage of infidelity.

"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

posts: 1329   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2005   ·   location: up the river, NY
id 5478591
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bufffalo ( member #21854) posted at 5:36 AM on Thursday, October 13th, 2011

DDay 9/25/2008

BH-me

posts: 6172   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2008   ·   location: Texas
id 5482437
frustrated

beachbrenda ( member #32410) posted at 8:36 PM on Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Okay, people... here's my dilema-- My WH looks like the reconciliation side of this thing, but I don't trust him AT ALL! One false move and I think he's still at it.

I got a random phone call last week. He swears up and down and sideways that it was random, but I'm thinking not.

I got a weird text from him today... I makes me think he was talking to someone else, but texted me by accident.

I have looked through his work phone--all the texts are to/from me (with my name on each one)... What if he just deletes texts from an OW or uses my name to label her number, as well?

This is killing me--the paranoia... Does it ever go away? How is that even possible?

Yesterday was our 15th wedding anniversary... I've been a ball of tears and anxiety for 3 days...

me--40 BS
him--46 WH
5 kids--13, 10, 8 & 6 (and stillborn would be 14)
"Have the utmost concern for what's right rather than who's right."

posts: 135   ·   registered: Jun. 7th, 2011   ·   location: Oregon coast
id 5483444
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rejectedluv ( member #33495) posted at 8:55 PM on Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Thank you for posting! This is really an eye opener. I can say that currently my WH is a mix, but I would lean more towards Rugsweeper. This hurts more than the EA I think. I have asked him specifically for several things that I need (as recently as Monday) and he has yet to do one of them, so not sure where we are headed. Somethings we can only discuss with MC as a neutral 3rd party right now. DDay was about a month or so ago. Keep working on it. He tells me NC with OW from the EA, so I believe this, and he made other strides, but I don't want to be in a naive position like I was prior to Dday ever again-PROTECT PROTECT PROTECT my kids and myself!!

all is well

posts: 211   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2011
id 5483476
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featherweight ( member #22690) posted at 9:26 PM on Thursday, October 13th, 2011

bump.

R is a constant work in progress. Me:BS 46, WH 45 *Married 15yrs*
our precious Daughter is now 10.
WH had EMA with CoWorker for 2+yrs. D-day 12/08, separated 18mos.
R started 2010, decided to live together again after 18mo, very hard to trust aga

posts: 391   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2009   ·   location: VA
id 5483529
Topic is Sleeping.
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