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I check up on the OW almost daily. It has been a source of conflict with my H and myself. He doesn't understand why I feel the need to know what she is doing.

Part of it is for security. If I know what she is doing then I know she is not with my H. Part of it is because I want to know if she gets her heartbroken or loses her job or something bad like that happens to her. Then there is a large part of me that checks up on her because I am angry at her. I've tried to explain to my H that it is easier to be angry with her than with him. Another part of it in the beginning was curiosity. I've never met the OW so I really wanted to know what she looked like.

[This message edited by screamingnside at 9:56 PM, August 8th (Monday)]

He doesnt have an OW per say but he had a few 'encounters' and one in particular that ... well its hard to explain. He didnt pay her and he met her twice, talked online for a month (that is not like the others) and I think he really liked her in bed (I dont know if Im making it more than it was or not). Ive researched her alot and other random email addresses too. Its completely pointless and a waste of time and Ive been doing that less. But I still think about them all the time. Sometimes I thought if I ask all the questions in my mind it will free it. But so far that has not worked.

This is my current struggle too. I have been checking up on the MOW in my sitch almost daily online. I am also still checking my WH's phone usage regularly online. I've had too much time on my hands as of late. That being said, I am working on being busier to avoid obsessing. Good points about how the chemicals affect our obsessive thoughts. When I get exercise, it helps so much. If I can exercise with my WH, even better. Exercise releases good chemicals. Eating healthier as well. Drink water. All that advice we get right after DDay? It really matters when you're in the bumpy road of trying to R. Set small goals each day to eat a healthy meal, drink more water, or get some kind of exercise rather than obsessing online. Walk the dog. Watch a funny movie. That is a great tonic for me! Finally, spend time with friends of the M who make you laugh or smile. Someone on SI reminded me to do get quality time with my family/kids. Anything we can think of to avoid the online searching.