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katherine41 (original poster member #5792) posted at 3:34 AM on Thursday, May 10th, 2012
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 10:12 PM on Thursday, May 24th, 2012
Bumping for newcomers to SI
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Helen of Troy ( member #26419) posted at 12:15 AM on Friday, May 25th, 2012
SuspiciousWife ( member #18108) posted at 1:42 PM on Friday, June 1st, 2012
Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session
roseguide ( member #35697) posted at 10:30 AM on Saturday, June 2nd, 2012
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
I've only just read this post but I'm going to go ahead and call it life changing for me. It's only been 4 days since D-day but this has set me on the right path. WH does not want reconciliation he wants to be with OW. In a way that's a good thing because I don't have to continue with the lies. After reading this post I signed up for attorney consultations.
Can some one tell me what a "bump" and "180" are?
In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you. – Buddhist saying
lost2atranny ( member #35664) posted at 6:51 PM on Saturday, June 2nd, 2012
thank you for sharing your wisdom. I'm trying hard but as a newbie... its scary. I know this is a post ill have to just read over and over again.
Married for 3 1/2 years
Me - 28
EX - 29
2 little girls ( 2 and 3 years old)
Found out Oct 21 2011 and tried to reconcile
Found out again in May 2012 - this time I don't think I can do it.
DEC 2012 - LEFT AND NEVER LOOKED BACK!
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 10:28 PM on Saturday, June 2nd, 2012
So glad this 20/20 helped you (it sure helped me!).
"Bump" is just a way to get a particular post to go to the top of the postings. You could write anything after clicking on the "Reply to this post' thingy at the bottom of any topic, and that would indeed move it to the top.
The 180 is a brilliant set of instructions/suggestions of how to turn the focus OFF the WS and onto your own healing/recovery. It can be found in the Healing Library under BS FAQ, in fact it's # 11 on the list of FAQs.
So grateful for SI ...
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Edie ( member #26133) posted at 6:25 AM on Sunday, June 3rd, 2012
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 4:44 AM on Monday, June 4th, 2012
My husband tried to come back home a month after d-day, but when I told him only with Marriage Counseling, he said no.... I told him I want it all! I want a great TOTAL marriage, not a fake one.
This is not too much to ask!
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 4:48 AM on Monday, June 4th, 2012
Also, to those of you with new babies/or pregnant I want to tell you this: When I was pregnant my husband was at topless bars and flirted with women in front of me. I stayed because I wanted my children to grow up in a family. Reality is if I would have followed my gut back then, insisted on Marriage Counseling, we might have had a different life. Even if we had separated/divorced, they would have grown up visiting their dad on weekends and it would not be as traumatic as it is now for them. 14 & 11.
I realize now, he never changed who he was, I stopped seeing what I didn't want to see.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 10:50 PM, June 3rd (Sunday)]
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 2:48 AM on Thursday, June 14th, 2012
Bumping for newcomers to JFO
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 6:41 PM on Thursday, June 14th, 2012
Thank you for this. I will be re-reading it, and the 180 thread, a lot.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 6:45 PM on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
crushedheart09 ( member #28573) posted at 6:59 PM on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
I wish I had found this when I joined SI, would have saved me a lot of mistakes as well.
It should be required reading right after you pick your password or in the Library for sure.
Just great advise!!!!!
fraeuken ( member #30742) posted at 11:21 PM on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
I wish I had followed the advice 18 months ago. I would be so much further along healing and having put my life back in order.
Great advice.
Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 5:46 AM on Monday, June 25th, 2012
I believe now that my husband stayed up to watch tv after I went to bed to be able to talk to her on the phone. We have a camcorder and it sits in a case on the shelf in the den. I could have easily turned it on at night - still in the case- to record his phone conversations. At least then you know you're not crazy...
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 12:14 AM on Friday, June 29th, 2012
Moving this to the front page for newcomers to SI
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
hard_yards ( member #23549) posted at 3:36 AM on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012
I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...
LearningToRun ( member #31353) posted at 3:49 PM on Wednesday, July 4th, 2012
Love this post so much. Wish I had followed it better.
Me: BS 49
Him: WH 54
OW - HS GF, reconnect on FB - They are now M
M- 23 years
DD Sept 2010 - he was lying about meeting and deleting all his texts
D-12/13/2010 - 60 days after i called uncle
hard_yards ( member #23549) posted at 10:34 PM on Saturday, July 7th, 2012
I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...
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