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HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 3:30 AM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
I have had a crazy day and am just silly now.
I've been thinking about some of the crazy names that I have heard people use for their private parts.
I think the funniest I ever heard was when I worked in Labor and Delivery. Had a patient tell me, "Ma'am, these pains are hurting me so bad it's blowing the hairs off my monkey!"
A resident at a nursing home I worked in used the word "Cat". (Not the P-word)
She had some sort of feminine irritation and kept telling the Nigerian-born doctor that her "cat" was itching. He was thoroughly confused. 
Somebody tell me some more funny ones.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
Jen ( member #26584) posted at 3:36 AM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah
sad12008 ( member #18179) posted at 3:43 AM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
My Southern friend talks about "hoo-hoo's" and "loosey(s)" (maybe that's supposed to be "Lucy(s)"?)
You can't fill a cup with no bottom.
HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 3:44 AM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
"cookie" always cracks me up too.
When my older ds had sex ed in middle school, he came home one day and was trying to impress me with his knowledge. He said a word that sounded like "va-nigh-juh". I made him repeat it and just
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 4:58 AM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
neverendinghurt ( member #15859) posted at 8:44 AM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
My former sister in law used "tuppence" for vagina. 
Tuppence = two pence or two pennies
Apparently her mother used the term too, telling her to keep "her hand on her tuppence" 
Not sure if she was telling her to protect it or masturbate 
oh and I want to vomit when I hear grown women saying vajayjay or whatever the hell it is they say.
The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie
stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 9:18 AM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
HFSSC:
my step-mom said "monkey" as well.
**Warning: this is graphic**
vajeen.
kitty.
kooter.
jiney.
snapper.
tooter. (and your butt is the pooter)
pi-dussey- my personal fav
deli meat.
fat patty.
beef curtains.
meat wallet.
my mom...ready for this?...calls it a "Front Butt"...uummmm....I'm not sure if shit comes out of hers or if she can make it fart. She always refused to call it any other name. Medical or otherwise...
What about men?
Care-bear stare!
Up periscope
speak into the mike
tali-whacker (does that mean a vag is a tali?) **In Towlies voice** "Is this some sort of towlie ban?"
Ok, I gotta stop before I get in trouble. Or turn into a 13 year old boy..
eta: oh and wallie and the beav...(I'll let you guess which one is which, but really it should be willie and the beav...just sayin')
camel toe for women & camel hump for men
OMG! I have to stop!
[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 3:26 AM, July 11th (Wednesday)]
“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor
veritas ( member #3525) posted at 4:28 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
kuka
punanny
moonpie
My daughter always called it her booty, so I had to give her a new name for it.
Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 4:33 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
I never, ever, ever talk about private parts to people IRL (other than the X...) ESPECIALLY not my mother
I don't consider myself repressed; I just don't feel the need... 
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
asurvivor ( member #32368) posted at 4:38 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
My wife calls it the "gitchaway"
Used in a sentence: "gitchaway from there Jackass"
I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.
LonelyHusband ( member #34145) posted at 5:03 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
Look, I was in the army. The other ranks can be, well, somewhat ebullient in their description of a lady's reproductive organs.
However, a perfunctory analysis of the phrases they used reveals a certain pattern. In order to come up with an alternative name for the femal genitalia, all you need to do is combine two variables.
1. Some form of meat product
2. Some form of container.
Thus we have
spam satchel
beef bag
meat wallet
ham handbag
Lamb Luggage
Pork Purse
etc, etc.
Reconciling.
“A wizard is never late. Nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he means to".
Apparently not an appropriate reason for coming home drunk at 2AM.
TrulyReconciled ( member #3031) posted at 5:13 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
"Mr. Winky" has too much class to participate in this thread ...
"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."
veritas ( member #3525) posted at 6:54 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
"Ward, I think you're being a little too hard on The Beaver."
- June Cleaver
*bearded clam is a fun one*
ETA: t/j: There was a reality show on VH1 a while back about a restaurant/bar in California. One of the bartenders had a long-distance relationship, and her boyfriend flew out to meet her. They started off their day by going to get her kuka vay-jazzled and ended with a marriage proposal. SOOOOOO romantic...
[This message edited by veritas at 1:00 PM, July 11th (Wednesday)]
Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 7:02 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
I'm kind of surprised no one has mentioned:
camel toe
one eyed Willy
DD came up with a good one: kiwi
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 7:08 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
When my DD was about 4, she coined the term "pechanga" for her lady parts. We still call it that.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Exit Wounds ( member #32811) posted at 7:14 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
My DD used to call it "giny" pronounced "gaaiiineee" b/c she couldn't pronounce vagina.
My son called his penut, even though I repeatedly said, it is called penis.
Exit WoundsH of 17 years got gf pregnant, left our kids 9 & 11 and we never saw him again. -His choice.
HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 8:33 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
My son refused to believe me when I told him it was called a penis. He looked at me and said, "You're making that up."
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 8:40 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
When my older ds had sex ed in middle school, he came home one day and was trying to impress me with his knowledge.
I had to read that 3x before I read sex ED and I was in pure horror because my DS starts middle school this year and I am not ready for any conversation like that one minus the word ED... 
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 9:54 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
My left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
BigTeddyPaul ( member #18448) posted at 10:13 PM on Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjojiE0j4Gc&feature=relmfu
Skip to 2:30 for one couples answer.
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