SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Nice job PJ, exposing this is the right way to go and you would want to know if this was going on behind your back. I took it one step further and exposed it to all family and friends, on both sides.

No way was I going down with her version of the story, which was <insert whatever lie that works>. It pissed both of them off and he had the balls to call and try to intimidate me. Didn't kill the A but I know it was the right thing to do.

She told me this was a "private family matter"...no your dirty little secret was, but not any more!

You did good PJ24, and yes, my FWW was upset that now people woudl talk about her , that BS was an undeserving b*tch and telling her would do no good, what if aspects of my letter showed up in a court hearing projected on a large screen (this was the std part). She was not at all happy, but... when she called the next day fishing to check on OM, he did not answer, never returned her call. NC has held ever since.

Said that she didn't want to ruin anyone else's life

Oh brother.... a bit late for THAT don't you think??

Oh brother.... a bit late for THAT don't you think??

Thats what I was thinking. Should have thought about that before you started basically "dating" this guy. She thinks that because he has a family with kids and we don't. She is really right now.

(((PJ))) I got a similar response.

Telling the other BS was the hardest thing I've ever done. I did not do so in order to punish anyone; I told him

because he had the right to know the truth. And he needed to be tested for STDs.

But telling really infuriated my husband.

This whole process is crazy the way the WS reacts.

PJ,

Bravo! There is only one person you need to answer to right now, and that is yourself. It takes real courage to do what you did, and I think you will be better off for it - I hope it helps your wife come out of the fog sooner, or at least, helps you find a way to your own peace.

Did your wife have any idea you were going to contact the other BS? Did the other BS have any idea, or was she blind sided by the news?

Stay Strong,

YoYo

Good for you PJ!

You did the right thing. Its not easy. The truth hurts and opening this up to the other spouse shines a very unflattering light on both your spouses.

Peace

You did the right thing...that's all that matters.

Oh yeah, shoot the messenger

I tried to inform the BS but the only phone number I had was disconnected.

I did tell STBXH's family and best friends. They had all called me a liar for telling them I suspected he was cheating. They also treated me horribly and shunned me when he walked out. I also knew he'd lied to them about why he'd left me and wanted to reclaim my story. To this day he's still angry I outed his A to all them. I was NOT about to let him slide me out of the picture and slide her in after we split, claiming he'd "just met her and we're now dating." Burst that little fantasy for him.

You did the right thing, PJ.

[This message edited by ShellyBean2012 at 12:45 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)]

yoyoed2death,

To answer your question. My wife had no idea I was going to contact her and yes she was blindsided.

You did the right thing.

I did not have another BS as my FWH had mostly paid and one other SOW. I did however inform her boss which almost was worse for her!!!

I have been around SI long enough to know this is the right thing to do, inform the other BS.

Not only do they have a right to know, but infidelity has trouble shining in the light of truth.

and unless the OP had one foot out the door, this will put an end to this A. Most MM dump the ow like a hot potato.

She wants her dirty secret to stay secret, too bad for her. She should have thought this a little more through.

I told everyone, and that is what was best for me.

Good for you. Better now than later...

Most of us get told that the OMW is vicious, violent, drug abuser, alcoholic... most anything bad to keep anyone from wanting to contact them.

I got told that, and contacted her anyway. It turned out that she was a battered-women's advocate and director of admissions at a nursing home.

Good for you, PJ! I was scared to death to do what you did, but it sure feels like you're standing up on your own two feet, doesn't it?

I told too. I also let my husband know that I had talked to the other BS. He said I had every right to do that and apologized again for the EA. The other BS was not shocked, in fact was used to her behavior.

DO NOT feel bad. They were the ones that could have destroyed two worlds, not you. This is just part of the fallout from their behaviors.

Tell her that if she had the moral fortitude (balls!) to tell her herself, you wouldn't have had to do it.

Ha, it's kind of like when a car cuts you off then the driver flips you off for honking at him.

My CS tried to convince me that this was between just the two of us. Just how naive can a person really be? That was wishful thinking on his part. It quit being between us two when he invited another person into our marriage.

Cheaters really do want to lay the blame on others and justify their actions. Exposure takes the wings out of their fantasy sails and forces them to face reality head on.

When I exposed the OW to her family she was furious and also a bit afraid of me. Threatened to file a restraining order on me! That's all it was ... a threat. No way was she going to help out herself some more.

Betrayal has wide reaching effects on many. Family, friends, co-workers ... I certainly understand why it was punishable by death in the OT and is still punishable by death in some countries.

Exposing cheaters is really a personal thing. If you feel it is the right thing to do for you ... then by all means ... do it.

Healing Change, I got the same thing "This is between us" What she really meant it is between myself her and her boyfriend. I am convinced she did and probably doesnt want to see the affair REALLY end. Since joining here it is amazing to me that so many other people have had similar responses and reactions when an affair is discovered. I guess psychologically people all react the same.