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Off Topic :
Beach vacation during school year, need help with excused absenc

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latebloomer45 ( member #18021) posted at 5:03 AM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

Oh, man, don't get me going. My FWH's family is all educators and we had a fight about this last month-and we were talking about OTHER PEOPLE, not any of us!

Here's my thinking on this-"education" is not just what we learn in school. It's developing into a mature adult physically, socially, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Until they were 13 and 10 (when H changed jobs), we took an extra 4-5 days on every October break. FWH travelled a LOT. Like 100+ days per year. That week in October was sacred, immediate family time, the ONLY time all year we could know in advance we'd both be together and on vacation with no other friends or relatives. Even then, FWH usually flew from some business trip directly to wherever we were going. I felt like that time was absolutely precious, even if we were "just" going on a Disney cruise. I would say the above on the forms, and I would hand them in saying "If you don't like it, call the cops". No one ever gave me any guff about it. My kids were A+ students in the gifted and talented program, but even if they weren't, I would have gone on the trip.

BTW, don't forget the wild horses north of Corolla! Have fun!

LB

Me: BS 56
Him: FWS 58
Married 32 years
Son-26 Daughter (Who Came out as trans, so now Son)-23,
D-Day #1 12/11/2007
D-Day #2 5/23/2008 fucking trickle truth!
Whatever Threnody said, I concur.

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Dreamboat ( member #10506) posted at 5:17 AM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

I agree with madseason. I get that family is important, but in my family school is even more important. The only reason that I (or my sibs) ever missed school was for a medical reason. The only time I allow DD to miss school is for a medical reason. There are other places on the east coast that are not on the beach but have very reasonable rates during the summer. Like 1/4 of what you would pay for a beach vacation even off season. Just sayin'

Here is the thing. You are on SI because of honesty and trust issues. You were lied to by your WS and it caused a huge upheaval in your life. As a BS this changed me. I live a totally authentic life now. Prior to dday, white lies did not bother me. Now, well they are just as bad as WS-lies. Lies are lies.

So send back the form explaining that the kids will be spending time with their grandparents and enriching their lives by experiencing an older generation. THAT is the excused absence. Let the school accept it or not. In my state, a child can have up to 10 non-excused absences. However, the teachers are not obligated to accept make-up work or give make up tests for non-excused absense.

So go with the truth and accept the consequences (potential 0% grade on homework and tests) or don't go. Or accept that you are willing to lie when it is convenient just like your WS did.

3 choices. You chose.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

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Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 5:41 AM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

Pah! Don't ask me...I let DS take the day off from school when he was in 8th grade to wait on line for Star Wars Episode 1 tickets--and told the school exactly that. One of his classes was office aide, so the ladies in the office knew him well--they wanted to know if he was buying ticket for them too...

The kid was a horrid student but became an IT manager for a defense contract at the age of 19. You have to know your kids...all or nothing rarely applies.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

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 hitbyatruck (original poster member #23769) posted at 12:38 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

So go with the truth and accept the consequences (potential 0% grade on homework and tests) or don't go. Or accept that you are willing to lie when it is convenient just like your WS did.

OH MY.... I am not lying to the school. I was given plenty of suggestions as to what could be educational. I listed three of the historical sites on the vacation form that we will visit.

@SIA,

Love that story!!!

Married 1998. 2 kids. First discovery 3/2009. Multiple affairs, porn addiction. one failed attempt at R. Nested for over a year. Divorce final 8/2015. XH is now married. I am engaged!

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Mama_of_3_Kids ( member #26651) posted at 1:14 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

You have to know your kids...all or nothing rarely applies.

This ^^^ Only you know how this will affect your kids. Imo, however, if you are doing some educational things on the trip I say write those things you are doing and let the school deal with the rest. As I said before, it has very little to do with a one time a year vacation...it has more to do with the school covering their butts and yours I know this b/c at one point a few years ago Blue was sick a lot. He was never sick enough for the doctor, but had a fever and therefore couldn't go to school. He missed six days in a semester and they told us one more unexcused absence, then they would have to do an investigation. I told them I would NOT take my child to the Dr and pay a $30 co-pay every time he was out ill with a fever or stomach bug...I'm a nurse and my family doesn't go unless they are REALLY ill. I also told them they were more than welcome to investigate us b/c it would probably be one of the best and most unwarranted investigations they had ever done. Thankfully he didn't miss anymore that semester, but I would have gladly shown them that our home is more than suitable for him

Me: BW/33 The kidlets: DS16, DS12, and DD10 The hounds: Three Shih Tzu's The felines: Two short haired kitteh's

posts: 11775   ·   registered: Dec. 15th, 2009
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difrentgalnow ( member #32589) posted at 1:51 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

Id like to know what isnt educational about family trip to the beach.

The family, the social interaction, the conversations that occur, the physical excercise, the nature of the tides,grains of sand and shells are amazing, jellyfish, seagulls, watching the sunrise or sun set,understanding the curve of the esrth by studying the horizan. It just goes on and on, there is so so much.

40 BS Me
38 WS him
D day 4-17-11
d day #2 OCT 10 2011
11 children together
new baby born 4-17

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sunandmoon ( member #10180) posted at 2:05 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

I always wrote that he would be participating in 'real life experiences'. That's all I wrote. I was verbally and in person criticized by the school administration because they would be losing federal money by losing his attendance days.

This ^^^^^^^^^

Theyu want you to write them our for an excused absence so they do not loose the money- it is not as much an educational concern as it is a financial concern.

sunandmoon

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id 5997726
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Lucky2HaveMe ( member #13333) posted at 2:38 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

excused absence so they do not loose the money- it is not as much an educational concern as it is a financial concern.

BINGO!

Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

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trumanshow ( member #25624) posted at 3:11 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

Just say your going to the beach and you will be studying the migratory and mating habits of the fiddler crab.

I thought you were going to say the migratory and mating habits of the human race!

remarried 11-15-15

Her prize is a man who ran out on his wife and children. His is a woman who is too stupid to understand that she is not special, she is simply there.

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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 7:14 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

If can wordsmith my Disney cruise into a school acceptable excuse....you can definitely do it with OBX.

I tied in the different geographical areas, marine life, etc.

You have lots to work with at OBX from the sunken ships off the coast to the aquarium - you can do this.

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philly172 ( member #19024) posted at 7:50 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

When my kids were younger we took lots of trips.. including 4-5 times to Disney World & some fell during the school year.. when my oldest tested for ACE in 3rd grade & scored off the charts in culture & life experience (I forget the technical name) his principal had us in for a meeting & said that DS scored so high in these areas because we took him on trips.. we were fortunate our school never gave us any issues..

so you might say that the children will be on an enriching trip (don't say vacay) to spend time with extended family & will be attending cultural events in that area..

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

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 hitbyatruck (original poster member #23769) posted at 9:01 PM on Friday, August 31st, 2012

so you might say that the children will be on an enriching trip (don't say vacay) to spend time with extended family & will be attending cultural events in that area..

There is no getting around the fact it is a vacation. I am not trying to make it something it isn't. I sent in the form stating which places we would visit and that all homework would be completed while on vacation.

We went to Disney (instead of the beach last year) in October. The teachers didn't send any work but told the kids to really really enjoy themselves. WHich is exactly what we did. I do feel disney is an enriching experience but so is spending a week with your grandparents. It's a shame most schools don't see how valuable spending time with family is as well.

Married 1998. 2 kids. First discovery 3/2009. Multiple affairs, porn addiction. one failed attempt at R. Nested for over a year. Divorce final 8/2015. XH is now married. I am engaged!

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